It was hard last night, but I made it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 137
It was hard last night, but I made it.
So, last night was weird. It was my hardest night yet. I've been drinking at least a six pack and/or a bottle of wine every night since I was 21 and a lot more on weekends and holidays.... and I'm almost 30 now. And been sober since Jan 22nd.
Anyways, last night was HARD. I know I let it get to that point by losing control of my own thoughts, but it happened, and it sucked really bad. The cravings begun at about 3PM and everyone at work started asking me if I was OK and I look upset about something. Once I got home I couldn't do anything except listen to music, didn't have the concentration. I did read some here in SR and left some grumpy posts (hope nobody minds). So, pretty much spent the whole evening with my face buried in my hands while my mind goes through a roller coaster of "yes, you want to drink. It's going to feel great and it doesn't really matter anyway." Then I'd have to go through all the reasons why I shouldn't to keep me from heading to the 7-11. "No, you don't. Nothing will improve, you will be very upset tomorrow, your health will continue to decline and nothing will get better. Besides, you will just want to drink all over again tomorrow anyway so there really no rational reason too" And this continued until about 8 PM. My AV was in a state of hysteria and it wasn't fun... at all. I was only in enough control to keep me from from heading to the store.
After 8PM the craving started easing and I felt the bricks come off my shoulders and I just got totally exhausted. I went to bed. Thinking back the night was almost surreal. Kept waking up thinking that I did relapse. Had to remind myself I didn't drink, I don't feel dizzy, I can feel my face... everything is still good.
Maybe I am an alcoholic. Had reservations about identifying that way, but after night how can I not be? For those of you that have beaten this thing, how many nights were like this? I know everyone is different, but I really hope this isn't going to be an every night thing.
Thanks for being here and reading. It helps me a lot.
Anyways, last night was HARD. I know I let it get to that point by losing control of my own thoughts, but it happened, and it sucked really bad. The cravings begun at about 3PM and everyone at work started asking me if I was OK and I look upset about something. Once I got home I couldn't do anything except listen to music, didn't have the concentration. I did read some here in SR and left some grumpy posts (hope nobody minds). So, pretty much spent the whole evening with my face buried in my hands while my mind goes through a roller coaster of "yes, you want to drink. It's going to feel great and it doesn't really matter anyway." Then I'd have to go through all the reasons why I shouldn't to keep me from heading to the 7-11. "No, you don't. Nothing will improve, you will be very upset tomorrow, your health will continue to decline and nothing will get better. Besides, you will just want to drink all over again tomorrow anyway so there really no rational reason too" And this continued until about 8 PM. My AV was in a state of hysteria and it wasn't fun... at all. I was only in enough control to keep me from from heading to the store.
After 8PM the craving started easing and I felt the bricks come off my shoulders and I just got totally exhausted. I went to bed. Thinking back the night was almost surreal. Kept waking up thinking that I did relapse. Had to remind myself I didn't drink, I don't feel dizzy, I can feel my face... everything is still good.
Maybe I am an alcoholic. Had reservations about identifying that way, but after night how can I not be? For those of you that have beaten this thing, how many nights were like this? I know everyone is different, but I really hope this isn't going to be an every night thing.
Thanks for being here and reading. It helps me a lot.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Garen 
Maybe I am an alcoholic. Had reservations about identifying that way, but after night how can I not be? For those of you that have beaten this thing, how many nights were like this?
I think I was through the worst after a couple of months, but even much later there we days that just hit me hard.
At two years, never. At least, not yet.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Hi Garen, congratulations on making the most important decision of your life and sticking with it for 10 days. It will get easier with time, I can assure you.
For some of us, those feelings last longer than others, depending on how long we had been drinking. In my case, I had been drunk EVERY night for about 35 years and I had a tough time for about 2 months before my AV finally shut the @#$% up!
Exercise was key to help me through those early days but many times I found myself just sleeping in my recliner for most of the day. It helped that my cat really enjoyed being in my lap!
Recognizing that it is your AV talking is a big step towards success in your fight for sobriety. Stay with it and know that we are all pulling for you!
Get up and get moving.
For some of us, those feelings last longer than others, depending on how long we had been drinking. In my case, I had been drunk EVERY night for about 35 years and I had a tough time for about 2 months before my AV finally shut the @#$% up!
Exercise was key to help me through those early days but many times I found myself just sleeping in my recliner for most of the day. It helped that my cat really enjoyed being in my lap!
Recognizing that it is your AV talking is a big step towards success in your fight for sobriety. Stay with it and know that we are all pulling for you!
Get up and get moving.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I got sober Nov. 24th and I struggle at times with cravings but not every night. Mostly on Friday night. Once I make it through Friday night and the sun shines Saturday morning, I'm generally much better. The beginning of the weekend is hard! I am so proud of you for making it!! I could so relate to your post!
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
No time like the present
Originally Posted by Vodkasaurus
Good for you! I'm hoping to be able to post about day one..... Hasn't happened yet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 69
Hi Garen - can really identify with you at the moment..Had a really tough day arguing with AV yesterday and I was knackered by the time I went to bed!! Today it is because lazy folks at work have p...... me right off - not doing their share..they sit there eating buns in the office all morning while two of us run round the district like headless chickens...I left my visa at home cos AV was starting up again - it used to win on days like that in the past hands down. I would have been buying and gluging vodka on automatic pilot!! Now tonight Im going to cook a chinese and its chirping up with..."wtg Serenity didnt do the vodka you deserve a nice bottle of red while your cooking..." SHUT UP damned annoying little s...
Hope4Life is soooo right about identifying with the AV...Before I came to this site I thought I was really going bonkers...I even told my hubby I thought I was possessed. It was frightening..
Day 20 tomorrow and I WILL MAKE IT....I WILL
Love to all
Hope4Life is soooo right about identifying with the AV...Before I came to this site I thought I was really going bonkers...I even told my hubby I thought I was possessed. It was frightening..
Day 20 tomorrow and I WILL MAKE IT....I WILL
Love to all
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
As my sponsor used to say, "You're right where you are supposed to be."
Yeah, ticked me off when SHE said it, too.
This is what early sobriety is like. Sometimes it sucks--the way we feel, the fact that we KNOW there is a quick and easy way to feel better (temporarily, anyway) but that we can't have it.
All you have to know for now is to trust that it gets better with recovery. What else are you doing besides not drinking? I found it helped to go to an AA meeting every day, to read some recovery literature every day. No matter how sucky some parts of the day felt, I went to bed every night knowing I had fed my recovery.
Yeah, ticked me off when SHE said it, too.
This is what early sobriety is like. Sometimes it sucks--the way we feel, the fact that we KNOW there is a quick and easy way to feel better (temporarily, anyway) but that we can't have it.
All you have to know for now is to trust that it gets better with recovery. What else are you doing besides not drinking? I found it helped to go to an AA meeting every day, to read some recovery literature every day. No matter how sucky some parts of the day felt, I went to bed every night knowing I had fed my recovery.
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