Straightedgeste

I keep thinking I want a drink and can handle only having a little amount.

Only on match days and special occasions.

I know for this forum it's the wrong thoughts.

But I keep thinking I let drink take over my life and now I'm letting not having drink take over my life and I should be strong enough to only drink sometimes.

Hollyanne

When drinking is taking over your life, it gets progressively worse and damaging.
When not drinking is taking over, it gets easier, better, clearer, happier.

One goes bad, the other gets better.
Does that help?
Just for today, keep on with not drinking.
Each day, it becomes less of an issue, while all around you, life, finances, relationships, job etc are getting easier.

Hollyanne

Oh, and by the way,
This is the perfect place to say how you are feeling!

doggonecarl

If you haven't figured out this is the insanity of alcohol, then you haven't read enough posts. This is the very thinking that starts the downward spiral again.

Not everyone returns when they go "back out there" to drinking. Don't act on thoughts that are driven by addiction.

P.S.
A month is awesome.

escapist

I did that. I thought since I had managed to quit and stay quit that I could control my drinking. Afterall, I did quit right? I had "forgotton" what it took for me to quit. The fight. What my alcoholic mind failed to recognize was that after all my sober time ( 5 years) I was still thinking about drinking. So there were 2 signs that I was an alcoholic glaring at me. 1. Quitting and the withdrawals 2. Still thinking about drinking So I picked up and went through the worst drinking years of my life. I did'nt drink for fun I drank to survive. Ironically, I was killing myself in order to "live". Pretty crazy, huh.