busbina

Hey all.

People at my AA group said these forums help. So here I am. I am feeling very alone right now. I've been sober for 48 days. I don't have any friends left, and my wife says she does care about me anymore. I know I just need to give these people space, but I keep reaching out to them because I am lonely. I keep wanting to talk to her and tell her how much I am sorry, but she just gets more distant every time I do. Does anyone have any tips for the guilt and loneliness?

coraltint

have you been hanging out with the group members? If not, I'm sure there are some more social AA groups around.....maybe try a few new mtgs? Maybe spending time on some outside interests,too. Besides taking your mind off of your wife's distance, folks tend to be attracted to people who have things goin on.

great job on 48 days...that's a solid chunk of sober time. keep it up!!

TiredWolf

I know what you mean about the guilt, I'm going through the same thing. Lost a job due to drinking and been unemployable for the past few months and put my family in a tough spot financially. Wife is giving me this last chance to get my act together and stay sober, get a job etc and we're scraping along but I know what you mean.

I don't know why she stays around, this is the third job I've blown through in 7 years due to drugs and alcohol but I hope I finally get it this time. But I know how it feels buddy, I have no friends outside of my family and AA buddies. I still don't sleep good and some nights these forums keep me sane for a few hours!

busbina

The guilt is the worst, I just keep thinking of all the awful things ive done while drinking. Normally when I start thinking about anything I just start drinking. But since im not doing that I feel like im going mad. If I get out of the house I feel OK, but I can't be around anyone I have any emotional attachment to or I just turn into an emotional wreck. But talking on this forum does help, thanks.

wpainterw

If you persist in sobriety things will brighten up for you. It takes guts and enormous strength of character but if you stick with it you will win through and regain your self respect and the respect of your friends, colleagues and hopefully your wife. People admire someone who has been able to do that. Meanwhile, do keep in contact with the SR folks and any other support you can get, like AA, or whatever you find congenial.

W.

MIRecovery

I know it is hard but you are making living ammends. Each day you are sober your loved ones will believe in you just a little bit more. You did not destroy the relationships in 48 days and you are not going to fix them in 48 days. Slowly but surely the relationships will come back if you stay sober. Trust is something that is earned not expected.

In the mean time go to lots of meetings, come early stay late, see if there is some service work you could do. Actively get to know people in the program and see if there is something social you could do with them.

Try scheduling a date with your wife although be prepared she may not be willing.

Take it a day at a time and no matter how bad things seem to be a day sober is a good day. Remember that all we can do is the best we can do today.

doggonecarl

Our addiction loves guilt and loneliness...almost as much as it loves alcohol.

Want to feel less guilty for the bad things you did? Start building up positive karma points. Do some good. Today. Volunteer somewhere. Stop feeling like a heel and start living like a contributing member of the human community. You'll feel better.

FeelingGreat

Sorry to hear of your loneliness. I guess your wife has gone from despair to anger now you are getting sober. I don't think people want to hear apologies so much, I think they want to see regret being expressed sobriety. Give her some space. She probably doesn't want to get her hopes up yet.
Brilliant that you have made a start. Keep it up.

sugarbear1

People in my meetings tell me to pick up the phone and call them! Or to hang out with them.

Have you found someone to sponsor you and guide you through the steps?

neferkamichael

Busbina, I've been sober for 48 days? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Loneliness and guilt plagued me in the beginning, but I overcame the fear of changing and at 2 years 7 months sober, I am comfortable being alone and feeling guilty is just a waste of my time. Rootin for ya.