baddog1970

Hi Folks,

last 2 weeks or so ive been feeling a little odd , im 60 days since i last had a drink, over xmas i was fine and since then mostly too,

but im feeling very unsettled, i cant sleep, then when i do i cant come round on a morning easily, ive no concentration span, im getting distracted really easily and cant focus on tasks well.

i keeping getting the feeling almost as if i imagined i had a drink problem and that i could just have a few cans again.

in my head really i know i cant and that it would be a really bad thing to do, but sometimes it seems like problems with drink were a bit of a dream and wernt as bad as i thought, i didnt hit bottom like a lot of people, i recognised i had a problem earlt enough to not cause chaos, expcept in my head

just feeling really unsettled and anxious that im going to slip back

Threshold

I have had that feeling too, so I think I know what you mean.

Here is a something that helps me.

Many people don't drink.

I don't have to have been an alcoholic, or someone who lost everything due to substance abuse to be a non drinker.

Being a non drinker isn't a big deal.

So the voice that says "you weren't as bad as THAT guy..." really has no substance.

I mean, if some voice in my head said "you don't quilt as well as that guy...hurry up, get a sewing machine and take some lessons."

I would immediately think "so what? I don't quilt, big deal, many people don't quilt..."

I don't have to slip. I don't drink anymore. So, I have some feelings...do one of the 90 million other things that people do when they feel a certain way.

A lot of times that can snap me out of the spiral of talking myself into a frenzy.

It's the black cat syndrome.

I see a black cat. Does that mean I am going to have bad luck? maybe I should freak out because I am going to have bad luck. Or maybe I should say "I saw a black cat because that cat was trying to get somewhere and our paths crossed"

I have to do that about my drinking too. Thinking about drinking doesn't mean I am going to drink, or have to drink. I can let that "black cat" go on it's way, and I get on with mine.

bigsombrero

I have fought that feeling as well. It has scared me badly. One thing that has helped me is listening to some folks who have relapsed. Almost all of them have said one of two things:

1. They got drunk, but the feeling wasn't that great. They might have got a buzz off a couple of beers but it was certainly not THE GREATEST NIGHT OF THEIR LIVES or anything like that.

2. They got drunk, and realized that one beer would never be "enough" for them. No matter how wasted they got, they were still chasing a high that can't be attained.

Both instances aren't satisfying, and most of the time it seems like people become overwhelmed with guilt and bad feelings afterwards.

I remember when I first got clean, I wanted to "get back to normal" so badly. It took me a while to figure out there is no "normal" to go back to. Every step I take is part of a new life. For many years I was trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle but could never figure it out. Instead of going back to that old puzzle now that I'm sober, I am throwing that one in the trash and just buying a new one and starting from scratch.

Good luck.

Natom

When you hear that voice you need to sit down for 5 minutes with a drink of water and think of all the stuff you don't miss. Hangovers etc. Addiction is cunning. You just have to show it who's boss.

Natom.

paul99

60 days, while a significant time to us non-stop drinkers, in the grand scheme, is still early in sobriety. I was up and down emotionally for the first three months at least. I was a bit of a zombie (as my wife likes to remind me now and them) and I had moments of being on top of the world tempered with moments of feeling in the dumps. It started to normalize for me in my fourth month. It's different for everyone, of course, but almost everyone I know has gone through this in one way, shape or form. What helped me significantly was being in AA - I had a program of recovery that helped me deal with a lot of those feelings, and talking to other alcoholics, reaching out like you are here, also helped.

This too shall pass!

Garen

The single best thing that works for me to stay dry is remembering the next morning after drinking 12+ beers or a couple bottles of wine.

I was amazed when I 'stepped back' and thought about how much alcohol was on my mind each day. It was (I guess it still is) on my mind more than anything else. It's taken over my brain!

But, like Paul said above, this shall pass us as all things do. It sounds like the chemical balance in your brain just hasn't normalized yet.

chainsaw4618

Hey BadDog: Your note really hits home with me. After years of beer drinking, I've begun to make fairly serious attempts in the last couple years to stop drinking. My biggest "success" was a little over a year ago when I went for about 3 months without a beer (pretty much my exclusive drug of choice). Since then it has been off and on (I'm on Day23 now). During these periods I feel good, have few urges, and tend to be very productive in a lot of areas. Then I invariably slip over some really stupid thing: I need a celebration because I cut the grass, uh-oh it's snowing!, ... My promise to myself to have just one or two beers is always broken. I'm back in the world of binge for awhile. I have little confidence in my ability to overcome this state of affairs, but I continue to try. My best period of sobriety came during involvement with SR, so here I am again. I'm very interested in the experiences of others. How do they stay off the drink? I've looked into AA, but frankly I worry about my alcoholism becoming the central focus of my life, that it will become some overriding emphasis. Perhaps this is what it has to be? I don't know, but I am anxious to know how others cope. Good luck to you in your efforts to deal with this dreadful condition.

baddog1970

thanks for the replies folks

what im not sure of is whether im feeling and anxious and stuff because i want a drink or whether feeling unsettled and anxious is making me feel like a want a drink

i just feel really out or sorts,

maybe now im just starting to have to work at it, blind willpower and stubburness might have got me this far,

its been quite a chalanging week with family things and stuff so that hasnt helped, and a lot of time that stuff makes me feel a little helpless and not in control

im going to AA meetings once a week and its my meeting tonight, so hopefully a bit of listening and reflection will help

Gal220

Since you mentioned you were going to AA, I'll just say that meetings alone could never have kept me sober. I had to do the steps. That's what the program really is. Congrats on your sober time!

soberclover

I have just over the 60 day mark too. What I've realized is that I'm simi-ok with not drinking. What I'm starting to realize is that it is ALL the other behaviors that I have to change too! I make bad decisions sometimes. It was easy when I could blame it on the alcohol. Now I only have to blame myself as I'm not drinking. I have a habit of creating my own chaos; hence depression and anxiety.

Soooooooo much in my life is changing now that I'm not drinking. I have to assume that my brain chemistry as well as my overall body chemistry is changing too. Sleeping, eating, how I react with different feeling, my relationship with my son as well as with my partner; everything is changing....much is good change, but it is change. And I don't like change. For me, that is when my anxiety kicks in.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks for posting this. I'm 54 days and feel very similar at times,though feeling more contented, settled and peaceful as time goes by. I've never been sober for this long for over 20 years so have no idea if it's normal and how it will progress. It' really helpful to read from long term sober people who say things really do improve in the 3rd and 4th months. Hope you start to feel better soon baddog and many congrats on 60 days