can't and don't want to get back on track!
 

I was 10 days sober, in the last 5 or 6 years of everynight drinking.

I relapsed on day 11 and one more day. i stayed sober for 1 day. then relapsed again for 2 days. Then again sober 2 days. And relapsed with continuous drinking until now, a week, i don't know.

Now it seems that i lost my desire for soberness. I feel desperate. I know my life is still miserable as it always was, but i feel i lost my willpower. I'm very well determined in the mornig, but after i get out of work, i can't help but thinking about relaxing with a beer in hand. And of course it's not just one beer....

I lost my desire to go to gym, to german classes(and i love german language), allmost everything but alcohol. Do i have to hit rockbottom again and embarrass myself in fron of a few people to get determined again??

What the hell is wrong with me? Because i know this is a ****** path...
Someone help me, please...

You have to see a doctor to get medications, so that is a good fitrst step. I was given a mild anti-anxiety medication, which also helped me sleep.

It sounds like you're feeling powerless - like you feel there's no point in trying to stop... but there is - you can do it, you really really can. You've done it before for 10 days, you can do it again.

You can do it!

:) All the best.

That's your AV telling you it's useless to fight. It's NOT, keep strong! Go to one of your german classes, even if you don't feel like it, you may surprise yourself by becoming engaged again, knowing that you are not going to drink. Good luck!! You can do it!

Seem like your not ready to stop drinking yet. Only you can tell yourself when you're ready to quit. You don't have to hit rockbottom to quit for good.

Dear Weirdesttoner
You an do it - just try to pinpoint the time when you are craving that drink, then take a good stomachful of milk or another non-alcoholic drink. You will not feel like drinking alcohol. Your craving will lessen and you will be past the worst part. You then know the evening will not escalate into drunkenness followed by a hangover. Focus on how bad you would feel tomorrow if you drink today...
If you managed 10 days you can manage more days...
just don't have a drink this evening and when you wake up tomorrow, appreciate how you feel without a hangover
i know how you feel to relapse - it's really depressing....
Keep reading here and fill your stomach with anything but alcohol. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain
Good luck! Viel Gluck!

Maybe it is best to find some things to do after work. I have exactly the same issue as you. I do take naltroxene however, I experience major side effects from it but, what has helped me is to not follow my "drinking routine". I used to go home from work, take like a half hour nap and then go to the liquor store and start my night. Now I get off of work and do something else...ANYTHING ELSE... to not be in that routine. Just a thought... I am new at this too.

Action - great job - why the frowny face? you're at 26 days of continual sobriety and that's AWESOME! Just keep doing the work!

There were a lot of times in early recovery that I thought it wasn't worth it to work for sobriety. But I knew where drinking was taking me, and I didn't want to die that way. It sounds melodramatic, and it may have taken years to kill me. But I was done. I couldn't do it any more. A lot of people thought I was a "high-bottom" drunk. But all that matters was that I wasn't willing to go any farther. I had hit rock-bottom for me, and I didn't want to dig to make it deeper. I found that I couldn't do it alone. I had to get help. Sobriety is definitely worth it!

Please don't give up on wanting a better life. You have interests and desires that you're meant to pursue. You can still follow your dreams and leave alcohol in the dust.

I'm glad to see you're posting about it. That means you haven't truly stopped wanting things to change. I drank for 30 yrs. Like Gal220 said, I could see where it was taking me and I still had way too many things to do in my lifetime. If I can stop, so can you WS. We are all here for you - please keep posting, and never stop trying.

I remember feeling like that for the past 4 years. The only way to put an end to the anxiety is to stick to sobriety. If we want to be happy again there is no way around that fact. For an alcoholic, it is the only answer. Your struggle is a precursor to quitting or a sympton of the anguish of continued drinking. Ultimately, you have to make the decision. Choose happiness

well, if you don't want to, why ask?

i'm looking at your avatar-picture and wondering what it says about how you think about yourself and your drinking. maybe start there.

You wouldn't have posted if some part of you doesn't still want a better life WS.
That energy-draining apathy is pretty common - but it's not impossible to beat.

so what are you going to do to fight it? :)

D

I totally understand where you are coming from. How to keep up the momentum and stay stopped. I think this is part of everyone's story in a way. I don't know how many times I would stop, feel really great only to pick up again. I am now 20 months sober. What did I do differently this time? Joined and followed a program, listened to material on alcoholism and especially ways to avoid relapsing early in sobriety. That was my biggest worry, I didn't want to get on that merry go round again.
All the best CaiHong

Well it looks like you are heading for the Deep Freeze of isolation (maybe the penquin av will accompany you) . He will be the only one though, it is this very solitary confinement of alcoholism that can break the spirit.

I also don't think you can "will determination" something will do it for you. Something in your life will mean more to you than sitting alone every night and drinking until you pass out---then starting all over the next day. I do not think you are allowing yourself to think past giving up--your just too tired.

Well get some sleep/ wake up/ and be a little more positive about the direction of your life.. Weight it

Sitting alone in the dark with you drink, passing out and no friends.........OR
Fighting for your sobriety with us here at SR and other heplful organizations for companionship and support--when your ready we will be here.

If you start today their is a 50% discount--Today ONLY!!!!!!!:welcome

Forget about studying German, or going to the gym - or practicing your flute, or sorting your sock drawer - just don't drink. Veg out sober.

Your interests will come back when you're ready. And not only that, but you'll be sober enough to pursue them.

I found that when ever I would tell myself that 'I lost desire to be sober' I was just giving myself an excuse to use. I wasn't using because I couldn't get sober, I was using because I just didn't have the desire to be sober.

Don't let your mind play tricks on you. You can get sober, you just need to put the effort into it. Even if you are feeling lazy, be lazy but sober. Sure hobbies are nice, but at this point you have one goal: get sober. Everything else should come second to that.

Look at it this way, most of us have woken up and not wanted to go to work. Every job at some point becomes boring and every day blends together but do we just quit and say screw it? No, we get up go to work and do it anyway. So instead of just losing the desire to be sober, don't look at it as an option.

I hope that you talk to a doctor, see a therapist, make a recovery plan, or do something to help you pursue getting sober. If you really didn't want it, you wouldn't come to SR.

You can do it, you just need to want it bad enough.

You sound like me in 1989 except I got to the point where I had a beer in one hand and a gun in the other.

I didn't know which to put in my mouth first. I was a dead man walking.

My recovery began in a 90 day rehab then straight into AA. It saved my life.

All the best.

Bob R

Determination comes from within ourselves. Like someone said, you're posting so part of you wants a better life.

I've been sober 6 months now and I have a peace that I never thought I would have. You can have it to. You can fight this, just don't give up!

You know Weird, for some of us it has to get bad enough. I thought it was bad enough, hit several bottoms and kept going back to my wine. It doesn't have to get that way for me any more because I also know what long time sobriety can do for me. I feel good all of the time, I sleep better... Now this doesn't mean that life gets better, but I also have a ton more of coping skills to deal with it when it's going down.

Just keep posting, we're here, and I'm sure a lot of us get it.

Just a throwing it out there, but other than here, have you tried any help on the "outside"? Therapy, meetings, out-patient, rehab? For some of us we needed some strong support. My best to you Weird.

PS ~ Great advise from jkb. :)