TM75

I sound like a broken record every time I post on this site. Yet another bender - only for 4 days but long enough to take me back to square one. I actually feel as if I'm losing the plot - I stood in a muddy field in the pouring rain this morning just so I could have a few drinks to stop my shakes.

My family are at the end of their tether (and I can't blame them as I've put them through so much). Why do I struggle with sobriety so much? There have been improvements and I'm no longer drinking all day every day but every 3 weeks or so, I keep lapsing then I can wave goodbye to a week. I feel incredibly distraught at the moment. I feel more guilt when I lapse now than I did when I was drinking permanently. I don't want to drink so why is it so hard to stay away from it. I would rather be dead than continue living my life like this.

Sorry for waffling on and on. I just needed to vent as no-one in my life will discuss alcohol with me because they've already written me off. This site is a godsend.

Dee74

Sounds like you have the same thing wrong with you as I do with me, and a lot of us have - we're alcoholic.

Not drinking really was the way to go for me - it changed everything....

have you any ideas how you can make that happen for you TM?

D

TM75

No Dee, no idea right now. The aftermath is hideous isn't it?! I've lost all confidence in my ability to stay sober. Today, I just feel hopeless although I'm sure my mood will improve. I need to get back to AA, continue my counselling and my relapse prevention group (the irony is I went to my group on Monday and immediately afterwards bought alcohol). I need to try and restore relations with my family because I'm very likely to lose them if I don't stay sober.

Cleopatra1

hi tm,, have you got a good gp you can chat to??
sounds like you need medical help to go thru a detox,, hun, try and get that help,, then you can start repairing other areas of yr life,, first off you need to get off the physical addiction to al,, i highly recommend seeing a gp,, it will really help.
do you have any plans in mind to aid yr recovery??
coming here is a fab step,, hopefully you will get lots of support and encouragement, but you need to seek help if you are shaking hun,, please try xx
look forward to hearing from you xx
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SoberJohn

You are not alone TM, we have all relapsed and I am no exception. I am a chronic quitter where I will quit for 3 weeks to a month then allow my AV to convince me all is well and I blow it. The guilt is horrible but I try to learn from my relapses and remember what triggered them and more importantly what I am doing to get past those triggers. Wish you all the strength in your sober journey.

TM75

Hi Cleopatra

Thank you for your message.

My GP is good for the most part but I couldn't discuss alcohol with him. I have tried but he has no understanding (or tolerance for addiction). I probably do need help re the withdrawal symptoms but If I went to my GP, he would refer me to the alcohol services which would take about 6 weeks. He wouldn't even prescribe campral for me in my efforts to stay sober and I had to pay privately to receive it. I'm going to stay on this site today and will keep reminding myself that it's worth it.

Thank you for your kindness x

Cleopatra1

tm,, i detoxed many times with meds from my gp,, i recently did it, on my own,, took supps, so heres my plan of what i did,, it may help, xx
i got kudzu,, from holland and barrett,, its an anti craving vit supp,, and i took 2 x 750mg each aftanoon, or sometimes an extra one early eve,, i had l-glutamine also,, this helps the muscles relax,,, i found i had no cravings at all, and this was immediatley after drinking 2-3 bots vino each day for 10 yrs,,, so i gave this a shot,, and well,, it worked for me,, i drank valerian tea at night , this has a sedative quality to it,, and wow,, i didnt need to do this for v long,, in fact, two wks,, and i have never looked back.
yeh , i ve had a slip up,, but thats another story,, and im now coming up to 3 mnths,, so ,, i hope this may help you,, its not for all,, but it was for me, and thats all i can account for,, so maybe look into it??
google and reshearch,, kudzu has been used by the chinese for 6000 yrs for al probs,, and i swore by it, its bout £10mm but that should last u well into yr first month, good luck, and keep posting, im here if u me xx
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:ghug3

Cleopatra1

lol £10mm,,,, i meant £10.00 xx
hehehe xx

EnnuiStasis

Not only is IT worth it TM, YOU are worth it. I hope you don't lose sight of that. Have a plan for how to reach the sober you that you want to be--how to deal with stresses and triggers without going back to the old familiar habits. Your guilt may feel more intense now because you are able to experience all your emotions more fully when you're sober. Unfortunately the more BLEH ones like anger and sadness seem to bubble up easier than joy, contentment, calm etc. ~ but those will come through more and more as you work your way through this. Very few things that are worth doing can actually be accomplished without a good bit of effort and struggle. Babies learning to walk fall on their bums regularly, but just keep getting back up and trying again till they are adept at it.

I wish you all the best!

Xune

I don't know you from Adam, but it seems as though you struggle with alcohol.

Surrender, know that alcohol is no longer an option in your life and you may find the struggles come to an end.

soberclover

As stated before; you are an alcoholic just like the rest of us and the good thing is tha tyou are not struggling alone with sobriety; we all do at some point! I've learned that drinking was a way for me to "deal" with a lot of issues that I had/have. I am in counseling now to try to address those issues. Sounds like you might need to try something different. Insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results. You can do this!

2granddaughters

It sounds like you are an alcoholic as described in AA's "How It Works".

If you can make up your mind and quit drinking, Great.... then do it.

If you are like me and NEED AA .... then do it.

And thank God it's there for you.

All the best.

Bob R