TrixMixer

Hi Guys,

Although I have only been here a few months, actually maybe a month, I can't help wondering where do people disappear too???

Is it the nature of the BEAST to post, all out of sorts with alcohol problems, get a few suggestions, and just disappear into the night, untill the next "embarressing hangover" You know the one everyone of us had that made us say "Hell I'm never doing that again, I am done with drinking" Only to feel better in a few days and start drunk life all over again?

I must say it is disheartening. You become invested in trying to help someone not go through what you did--lay out your life to them only to have them Houdini on you!

Just wondering--I won't write such long posts if this is the case, LOL!

ScottFromWI

I personally think that once you start getting better you move on into other parts of your life. That first week or so I was literally glued to the screen trying to help others and needing to find support nearly as often. Now that I'm starting to get back in the groove, I'm spending more time engaged in my work, my kids, my life than the drinking used to take up. Kind of a double edged sword really - and all the more reason why we should thank the moderators, welcomers and regulars for continuing to post and support others day in and day out.

bryangt

You have done your part, if it was to plant a seed, give a message of strength & hope...You can only do what you can do. Remember when we admit we are powerless over alcohol or drugs, we must remember that we are also powerless over people & situations.
Your words & efforts are not in vain. I just wrote a letter to my uncle who wrote me almost 8 years ago when I first tried to stop drinking....I didn't quit then, bu I have now & wanted to let him know that I wish I would have taken his letter more serious back then...as I am sober now...

instant

Its a big community, and the nature of online communication is what it is. Despite the drawbacks there are benefits of staying involved come rain or shine. People move on for many reasons, some come back. Many stay.

I found it helped to get involved with a daily support group as well as the main boards. There is a link from the main menu, and there is usually a link to the current month starting off.

LindaLou

Hi Trix,
I have to agree with Scott. I'm on day 15 and am feeling more confident every day. When I first logged onto SR, I was here constantly. But as time goes by and I'm getting more comfortable in my sober skin, I visit less often. I think that probably happens to a lot of us.

escapist

I have seen posts from people come back after a long time saying they are still sober and their lives are great. They usually thank SR for helping them when they quit. We never know if what we offer helps someone or not. Maybe it does'nt all the time but if we can help one person then that's pretty good considering we once were pretty helpless ourselves .
I am never disappointed in people who come back and say ,"I got drunk again" . That statement could be the title of my autobiography. LOL

DoubleBarrel

I think most people post stuff to help themselves, and for others already in recovery.

Was there any magic words that anyone said to you that made you quit?

Maples

I disappeared for a few weeks when I failed at Sobriety. You feel like hiding your failure so you stop visiting. Ashamed.

Sasha4

Was just thinking the same thing myself.

Maybe it is another form of white knuckling!

TrixMixer

Nope!!!....but it is good to think that many have not just gone back to drinking. That many are still out there living and sober. That is good news.

TrixMixer

Hi Maples,

That is what I really was afraid of---how can we make you not feel you failed so you will continue coming back week after week even if you keep relapsing. I happens to all of us, and we certainly are in no position to judge you or anyone else!

LDT

I think it's also important to consider that not everyone that leaves the boards, relapses. I'm still in touch with several that no longer post here ....for a variety of reasons.....that are still solid in their sobriety. Sometimes, long time posters just need a bit of a break. Sometimes life circumstances take priority. Often those M.I.A. return.... sometimes not.....we just pray for them all

mfanch

I was on here a LOT in the beginning. Then, not so much. Now, I am back on daily. I have something to give back and feel compelled to do so. Many/most people who want to quit behaviors/addictions rarely do so permanently, from what I have seen. (my goodness, just look at the sheer number of members on this board alone!).

I am recovered (not cured) and I want to keep it that way. One way is to show others a way out. Also, I that even with *all* of our differences, we have a common peril.

Maples

I don't think you can make people understand that other than just keep telling us it. Just keep telling them they can be sober and its all ok.

MIRecovery

Welcome to the world of recovery or the "lack there of" I consider myself a miracle because so very few make it. There are a million reasons for failure but I feel the too biggest reasons are. One it has not got bad enough and two people under estimate what they are dealing with.

Most people think they can give half an effort and be successful. Most people are wrong.

The way I look at it is if I can help one person stay sober for a day then it is a good day. I have been sober for a limited time and I have seen at least a thousand come and go. Maybe some are sober maybe not.

I do what I can but if I stay sober then I have been successful.

EnderWiggin

i don't post often because i'm a tad too sarcastic for most people's tastes. but i lurk and read every day.

there was no sarcasm in the above 2 sentences.

Pondlady

I too, felt disheartened to see people drop away. I guess that's just the way it is. I visit daily because I enjoy it and I like to help others if I can. The moderators are special people to be so giving of their time and experience.

hypochondriac

Be patient Trixmixer. I did exactly what you described and it took me 5 months to come back here. The posts people made on my earlier threads were always on my mind though. I just didn't feel like I could come here while I was still drinking. It might feel disheartening that you don't get any feedback from your post but believe me when I say your words will have made an impact. I think I was a bit shellshocked when I came here and didn't really know what to say. I couldn't believe that people actually took time out to respond to me. Keep up the good work x

drunkyjules

I can say I agree with the people saying that relapse has kept them away. It is such an overwhelming feeling of shame when that happens. Alot of what people don't realize is that there are different paths to sobriety and not all of us "get it" the first, second or third time.

We are all learning from each other and the compassion and wisdom in your posts is appreciated.

I have noticed a few people that used to post here aren't here anymore, thought about asking about one of them in particular but don't want to put the spotlight on anybody.

wpainterw

I wonder if dependency has something to do with it. As an alcoholic I was a very dependent person, dependent on alcohol but also on other folks, dependent on my wife whom I used as a "control" (it didn't work), dependent on what others thought of me (sometimes they never noticed, sometimes they were thinking of lots of other stuff). So now that I have some sobriety I try to "help" others and I get dependent on that. So if they disappear or die I sometimes go into withdrawal, from the pleasure of having known them. It's just the nature of the beast. Just giving up alcohol doesn't mean that you stop being dependent in other ways. It's a long uphill climb to self sufficiency.

W.