End of day 3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 23
End of day 3
Hello everyone, I have been reading posts for a few days and I'm really enjoying it. It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling and that people have made it past this with longevity.
A little about myself. 8 years ago when I was 20 I went to rehab for alcoholism. I was in bad shape for such a young person, drinking vodka all day and half the night. I thrived in recovery and didn't have one relapse for 4 years. One vacation I convinced myself that I had just been young and drinking lots was the norm. So a few drinks on vacation wouldnt hurt...after all I had been cured. The next four years got progressively worse and present day I siit here with three days sober and feeling like I might not be strong enough to get sober again long term. I drink wine now mostly at night because i have small kids so Im not quite at deaths door like i had been. But it's as bad as I want it to get. I have other people to think about now. I feel ashamed because i promised myself this would never be my life again.
I haven't been to a meeting yet although im planning to go soon. Its not easy for me because i am super shy and uncomfortable around strangers. I also have a difficult time commiting to things. But i know this is not the life i want. Small steps i guess.
A little about myself. 8 years ago when I was 20 I went to rehab for alcoholism. I was in bad shape for such a young person, drinking vodka all day and half the night. I thrived in recovery and didn't have one relapse for 4 years. One vacation I convinced myself that I had just been young and drinking lots was the norm. So a few drinks on vacation wouldnt hurt...after all I had been cured. The next four years got progressively worse and present day I siit here with three days sober and feeling like I might not be strong enough to get sober again long term. I drink wine now mostly at night because i have small kids so Im not quite at deaths door like i had been. But it's as bad as I want it to get. I have other people to think about now. I feel ashamed because i promised myself this would never be my life again.
I haven't been to a meeting yet although im planning to go soon. Its not easy for me because i am super shy and uncomfortable around strangers. I also have a difficult time commiting to things. But i know this is not the life i want. Small steps i guess.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Welcome Lilly. I'm glad you decided to post. 
We're so happy to have you here.
I was so relieved when I found SR. I had felt all alone up until then. Not being alone anymore made me feel stronger and more determined. Everyone understood how I felt, no one judged me. I think you should be proud for admitting what needs to be done. At 28 I was still in denial - determined to control my drinking so I didn't have to give it up. I'd give anything to go back and stop before my life became a nightmare. Congratulations on your 3 days.
We're so happy to have you here.I was so relieved when I found SR. I had felt all alone up until then. Not being alone anymore made me feel stronger and more determined. Everyone understood how I felt, no one judged me. I think you should be proud for admitting what needs to be done. At 28 I was still in denial - determined to control my drinking so I didn't have to give it up. I'd give anything to go back and stop before my life became a nightmare. Congratulations on your 3 days.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 95
Lilly,
Re your point: "I have a difficult time committing to things."
I read in another thread someone answered that by saying, Well, you were committed to drink, why not sobriety?
I would rationalize the same way. I'm young. Everyone else is doing it. And then, after I quit for a couple weeks and feel really good and healthy, I'd say, Gee, I'm healthy I can moderate. For me, it was one of those small self-deceptions that grrw into something worse.
Re your point: "I have a difficult time committing to things."
I read in another thread someone answered that by saying, Well, you were committed to drink, why not sobriety?
I would rationalize the same way. I'm young. Everyone else is doing it. And then, after I quit for a couple weeks and feel really good and healthy, I'd say, Gee, I'm healthy I can moderate. For me, it was one of those small self-deceptions that grrw into something worse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 95
Change is hard for everyone. But end of day, ask yourself, What do I really want?
For me, I find that if I'm motivated to achieve a positive goal, rather than acting out of guilt, fear, or regret, I'm more likely to achieve it and make it stick. When I act out of guilt, fear, or regret, at some point I begin to resent having done so, and then soon sabotage what I have achieved. Just a thought...
For me, I find that if I'm motivated to achieve a positive goal, rather than acting out of guilt, fear, or regret, I'm more likely to achieve it and make it stick. When I act out of guilt, fear, or regret, at some point I begin to resent having done so, and then soon sabotage what I have achieved. Just a thought...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 23
I also have other things that make this feel more complicated. My hubby is also an alcoholic. He has never been on bored with wanting to get sober like me, i think its because he didnt have the hard fall i experienced years back. Last time instead of getting sober together i got sober and carried him along with me. I cant do that again, i dont want to. We have to do this together. He says this time is different and he is totally ready to do the work. I belive him but its still a concern running through my mind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Placer foothills, Ca
Posts: 7
I totally have sympathy for your story. Late twenties is a time of thinking more seriously about your future. That's good to hear that you both want to be sober. Has your husband been on this site, I think it's so great and super helpful for a first step. You seem like you would be a supportive person, do it for yourselves first.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 23
Thanks all, my hubby hasn't been on this site yet he is out of town but i have sent him some stories that I think will speak to him and he keeps asking for more. He says he wishes we would have found this site sooner.
It is such an eye opener and the support is very uplifting at hard moments. Keeps me from thinking too much which gets me into trouble.
It is such an eye opener and the support is very uplifting at hard moments. Keeps me from thinking too much which gets me into trouble.
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