sobrietygrl4

Found this hidden in a cooler in my garage yesterday afternoon. Garbage day was last Thursday, so this is what accumulated from Friday through Sunday. Hubby is supposed to be going to Intensive Outpatient treatment, just like me, and abstaining 100% from alcohol. If we drink, our kids can be removed from our custody. Of course, they wouldn't take them from me because of his drinking since I have remained sober, but he could lose them. I know that I can't do anything to change him, but I worry for my children. They are with him Monday through Friday during the day, and he's not working right now. I don't know if I should tell his treatment program or if I should tell our case worker or what. With kids being involved, and my extraordinary fear of them being taken from me, I'm afraid to take any action.

Maples

Do what is best for the kids. Always, without fail. If this means telling the case worker, so be it. Sacrifice your pain for theirs - or in this case his pain. They deserve it. EDIT: They being the kids, deserve what is best for them.

ReadyAtLast

If it was me I would speak with him. If you and your husband are living together then social services may be able to take them from the home if one of you drinks,if that is a proviso of having got them back. Please don't take any chances. I agree, check with your case worker. I would make my husband leave rather than lose my children

sobrietygrl4

I'm sober and living at my parents' house right now, so I would think the case worker would just place them in my custody, not take them completely. But I would potentially have to take a leave-of-absence from work, because I can't afford to pay for daycare when my husband isn't working. The whole situation is such a mess. I hate alcohol.

Fandy

suppose something awful happened to the kids while he was caring for them and drinking?

LDT

I am so sorry for your situation, sobrietygrl4. Thanks for sharing though, and God Bless you for staying sober! I agree with Maples..... the kids come first, no matter what it takes.

MIRecovery

I agree the kids have to come first. Should your case worker find out you will have no proof that it is not you.

FYI, when he is busted he will lie so be prepared

FamilyMan2153

Very tough situation. I would ask him about it. Like you said, you cannot make him stop but I would get his reason and what his plan is now since IOP is not working. AT the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself and your kids. Alcoholism is a sad but brutal disease.

EnderWiggin

i have to agree with MIR. are you ready to discuss it with him? your husband, not MIR.

whiskeyman

Protect the kids.

Shining~Again

quick thought - your post from the 8th said you were arrested and not allowed to see your husband nor be at your house for one month. Are you waiting till 2/8 to report this? I don't see how you're not going to get in trouble by being at the house?
Be careful.

mfanch

If my husband drinks, he has to leave. The kids need a safe place to live and to be protected.

Gal220

I agree with everyone; the kids' safety comes first. They should not be in the care of someone who is drinking, period. If that means you have to take leave from work, take some leave. It might mean a huge financial hit, but that's better than something tragic happening to your children.

If CPS or whoever came by to do an inspection and saw all of that, it's probably going to be very difficult to convince them it was your husband and not you drinking. And it doesn't really matter, as the point is to make sure they're safe. If they're being cared for by someone who's drinking, they're not safe. And like someone else posted, he's probably going to lie. If he can't follow the things that courts have mandated for him to keep his kids, he needs to go somewhere else until sobriety becomes a priority. Otherwise, you might end up losing your kids. That's definitely not a risk I'd personally be willing to take.

Maples

I can't stop opening this thread and looking at that picture and worrying for your kids. I did some volunteer time in my youth with DSS kids, and seeing what happens to them breaks my heart. I am not saying your Hubby is a bad man, but clearly he is making a huge mistake right now.

sobrietygrl4

Yet another problem with this whole situation... I could claim stupidity, that I wasn't in the house, just the garage, or motherly instinct, that I was just trying to protect the kids. The court dates were changed, too - my first date was 2/8 but apparently the no contact order goes until the case is finalized which is not until 3/4! I wish he would just get caught without my involvement. Another possibility would be to make an anonymous call to his treatment center. I asked my counselor about this situation last night, and he told me that you do not have to give your name to report things of this nature. I suppose it wouldn't hurt, but there is the possibility that it wouldn't change anything or that he would figure out that I was the one that told on him, bringing me full circle to the issue that I shouldn't have been in the house in the first place.

Clearly my kids come first, but it truly is a fine line. Alcohol is legal and one parent taking their kids from another parent without the authority to do so is not.

God, grant me the serenity....

Dimlitstar

Alcoholism isn't just a solo thing, ultimately the whole family gets involved...

Bigndfan175

text him the pic and tell him the two of you need to talk? that's gotta be disheartening to say the least. But I agree about telling the case worker - think of the kids!

ReadyAtLast

could your mum or dad visit the house and then say they saw the garage?

sobrietygrl4

My mom is on a zero-enabling kick (to the point that she has stated that she won't help with the kids while my husband and I are in treatment at the same time in the evenings), but I have not shown her this picture and I don't think she would turn away from her grandkids - or me - if she saw this. But involving herself to the point of saying she was the one that discovered the empties and mostly-empties.... That would require her (or my dad) to say that they were snooping through the garage. All of the booze was stashed in a cooler which was stashed under a tool bag.

You know what, though? Screw the repercussions on me. You guys are all right. The kids' safety comes first, and I would much rather get in trouble for violating my no contact order than spend the rest of my life wishing I would have done something to prevent a tragedy.

LDT

Atta girl, sobriety!!