Change4good

I won't bury the lead. . .keep coming back. Don't let shame or guilt keep you from experiencing all of the support and wisdom this place had to offer.

I am VERY early in recovery. . .31 days today. I joined over a year ago. I can honestly say I wouldn't have made it this far if I hadn't come back here after going back out. I was afraid people would become exasperated with me. That I would look foolish proclaiming I was done, YET again. But this is an insidious, hard, tricky disease. People welcomed me back, without judgment or ridicule.

So remember this if you find yourself scared about logging back in. We are here to help. And we aren't going anywhere.

Keep at it good people. You are worth it.

Cleopatra1

great post change,,,im early in too,,and had a slip up,,but it didnt stop me from moving forward and looking to the future,,, keep it up guys/gals,,we can do this xx
big hugs x cleo xxx

snowvelvet

I do feel ashamed to keep posting when I have slipped again. I cannot, just cannot get past 3 days.

Saturday night I drank over a long time, about 400ml of vodka. It made me wake up v late on Sunday (normally booze makes me wake early). Yesterday, because I was hungover and out of sorts, I could not motivate myself. I was tired, angry and just wanted the day to end. So I drank and finished the bottle over the course of 4 hours.

Went to sleep at 8, woke again at 1.

I hate that I do this to myself. I hate that I am fat and miserable and because I cannot find an instant cure to that I drink to take away the pain. I hate that I know what I do makes the situation worse.

Change4good

Snow. . .sounds like it is time to try something different. Have you thought about seeing a counselor, or attending an AA meeting?

Cleopatra1

hiya,, this is why i posted "just sharing",, as i slipped up and got right back on it, it doesnt have to be so bad,, the guilt we feel when we slip up, is harder to deal with sometimes, and is sometimes v unneccesary too.
and i have slipped up,,recently,, but i came here,, got loads of support , and got right back on it, and so can you snow,, dont beat yrself up hun,, dust yrself off, and get right back up again.
it can be done,, but its important to stay focussed and positive, you can do it again, yes u can xx
beleive in yrself,, be strong xx
big hugs x cleo xxxxxxxxxxxx

snowvelvet

Hi Change,

I have seen a Psychologist for CBT, which worked well for a while. However, the way I feel is so deeply ingrained and tied up with a long term eating disorder. I have started AA meetings but I struggle with the idea of God and handing things over when my entire life has been about trying to have control. IMO, handing things over is giving yourself an absolution.

I am more positive this morning - I realise that was quite negative and I'm not actually in too bad a place this morning. I'm having to work from home whilst heating is being fixed and it's kept me calm as I've not started the week with the awful Monday traffic.

SV x

Zube

Awesome post C4G! You too, Cleo! Hang in there Snow!

It has been said before that here at SR we don't shoot our wounded. Thanks for reminding me how valuable SR is as a tool of recovery.

Zube

forabetterlife

Thank you Change, that is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. As I logged in, I considered posting something, and then reminded myself how foolish I always sound with all of those peppy feel good posts, and then I just give in and drink, after 1 day, 2 days, 10 days, or 60 days.
I hate what alcohol does to me and my life. And I don't want to give up trying, I just want sobriety to click for me once and for all.

Nazzy

It's 6 am EMT and I am in my garage having a drink. Not because I want it. Because my body NEEDS it. Pretty sad. What a horrible way to live.

I've been to detox four times. Nothing has worked. Been to AA...left because my confidentiality was not respected. Nice to find out your sponsor shared your alcoholism, relapses and behavior with the entire office. Now I am afraid to revisit AA. Is it sick people trying to help sick people? Maybe. I don't know. All I know is my anonymity was totally disrespected. Any suggestions? I just don't know what to do at this point.

Thanks to any and all suggestions.

instant

It's tough to get a foothold. It can be hard to hang on to, but one day you fly.

Great post

Zube

Morning Nazzy...Suggestions? I'd would try out a different AA group. There are SO many groups in the Boston area. Try out one with different faces, and a different sponsor, in a different area. Don't let the actions of one AA'er jeopardize your shot at long term sobriety. I know that anonymity is a sensitive issue early in recovery, (at least is was for me), but after time I really don't mind if anybody were to break my anonymity. Actually, I'm pretty proud of my sobriety, and I don't really mind who knows. I'd try another meeting, Nazzy, a person only has so many detox's in them.

Best of wishes to you,
Zube

Cleopatra1

fab reply zube,,just what i was gonna say!!
keep going, keep on,,and keep being.
lv cleo xxx