Is there an "in-between" ? Not 100% alcoholic, but still a problem drinker?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 44
Hi Carly.you sound a but like me. I can moderate and enjoy just having a few, though another 1 or 2 would be nice! My drinking was normalish early on, in my teens, but I had black outs occasionally and consumption crept up. Through my 20's and 30's I could go days without drink, but could drink large amounts in the week socially, and would get smashed at the weekend. My tolerance grew, and so did my worrying behaviour when I had blacked out (I did this frequently).
I have taken on many responsibilities in my 30's and 40's, and in many ways have moderated my drinking.
Before I stopped I would have a few glasse of wine a couple of nights in the week, and maybe just half a bottle of wine each weekend night. However, any other opportunity to drink and I would, and the few drinks I had would always be the main event in the day. Antisocial, ignoring the family, in my own world.
I felt better, because I was I was 'only' blacking out 5 or 6 times a year. Social occasions, of any magnitude have always been a worry, as the stress of the build up and the social pressures that come can cause me to 'lose it'.
I am very good at moderating, but I have had to be absolutely honest about when, where and why I want a drink and what my feelings are about having one.
Often when I get going I crave drink, and without expecting to I can lose control. I have learned when that may happen, but it still gets the better of me.
I have a very substantial back catalogue of regrets and bad memories, I had rationalised them and excused them over he years but that kept me drinking.
You may be younger than me, but ask yourself the question do you want to go through life dealing with the consequences of he occasions when you are not in control? When you are not in control you are not in control.
You don't say what happens when you are not in control, is that because it is easier not to think about it?
I hope that I don't sound too harsh and I wish you well. I don't know if I am an alcoholic, but I know that my relationship with drink has brought a lot of upset to me and to others. I guess the fact that I am on here says something needed to be thought about.
Best wishes.
I have taken on many responsibilities in my 30's and 40's, and in many ways have moderated my drinking.
Before I stopped I would have a few glasse of wine a couple of nights in the week, and maybe just half a bottle of wine each weekend night. However, any other opportunity to drink and I would, and the few drinks I had would always be the main event in the day. Antisocial, ignoring the family, in my own world.
I felt better, because I was I was 'only' blacking out 5 or 6 times a year. Social occasions, of any magnitude have always been a worry, as the stress of the build up and the social pressures that come can cause me to 'lose it'.
I am very good at moderating, but I have had to be absolutely honest about when, where and why I want a drink and what my feelings are about having one.
Often when I get going I crave drink, and without expecting to I can lose control. I have learned when that may happen, but it still gets the better of me.
I have a very substantial back catalogue of regrets and bad memories, I had rationalised them and excused them over he years but that kept me drinking.
You may be younger than me, but ask yourself the question do you want to go through life dealing with the consequences of he occasions when you are not in control? When you are not in control you are not in control.
You don't say what happens when you are not in control, is that because it is easier not to think about it?
I hope that I don't sound too harsh and I wish you well. I don't know if I am an alcoholic, but I know that my relationship with drink has brought a lot of upset to me and to others. I guess the fact that I am on here says something needed to be thought about.
Best wishes.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I get a lot of conflicting info too. Its mostly in my own brain. True story 
I spent years looking at all the ways I could still exhibit control. Now Im happy to look at all the reasons I am an alcoholic and be grateful Im still alive and have some sobriety.
I spent years looking at all the ways I could still exhibit control. Now Im happy to look at all the reasons I am an alcoholic and be grateful Im still alive and have some sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by Dee74 
If you've ever gotten drunk when you said you wouldn't, I think you belong here
D
I love it.
Its certainly put a smile on my face on this snowy morning.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by Fallow
I get a lot of conflicting info too. Its mostly in my own brain. True story
This question will drive you nuts Carly. Even now after nearly 11 months sober I still think about it. But it's an irrelevant question cos even if I'm not an alcoholic, I still can't drink. Just concentrate on the reasons you want/need to quit rather than the excuses you can think of to carry on.
One of the excuses I always find is that I wasn't out of control drunk all the time. That thing in the big book where they say to try some controlled drinking, I could totally do that. I am stubborn and am perfectly capable of doing anything to prove I am not an alcoholic. But I know that if I did that I would allow that example to let me lose control next time because I could always say that I could control it if I wanted to. See, crazy making. Some one in AA said to me, 'controlling it every day is not controlling it'. Smartarse
x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orillia, Ont., Canada
Posts: 165
Hi Carly: I think that the answer is your question lies within your post, especially the 'I can control drinking, SOMETIMES'. Normal drinkers actually seem to refuse drinks at a party, whatever, when they start to feel buzzed, where the point of my drinking always seemed to get a buzz and maintain it, usually daily. The fact that I did not drink at work did not alter the fact that I am an alcoholic. Also, I tend to define my alcoholism not in the amount I was drinking, but rather in the reasons for my drinking, and in the amount of times I would look look forward to drinking when in situations where in I couldn't drink.
The fact that I never looked like Ray Millan in Lost Weekend alters not in the least the fact that I am an alcoholic. You are the one who needs to decide, tho, as you must see yourself as being an alcoholic before being able to do something about it, just as a person with diabeates would be diabetic even if they refused to have their blood sugar taken. All the best to you---Rick
The fact that I never looked like Ray Millan in Lost Weekend alters not in the least the fact that I am an alcoholic. You are the one who needs to decide, tho, as you must see yourself as being an alcoholic before being able to do something about it, just as a person with diabeates would be diabetic even if they refused to have their blood sugar taken. All the best to you---Rick
Last edited by ricmcc; 01-26-2013 at 01:50 AM. Reason: typo
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I don't think labels matter at all. If you have problems when you drink,if you can't control it (even sometimes), if you are worried about your drinking then it is a problem for you. trying to convince ourselves we aren't x,y or z is really just us trying to persuade ourselves to carry on drinking. If you didn't have a problem you wouldn't even think about your drinking.welcome to SR,this is a great site
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
The abstinence thing is always a tough call. Lets face it we all enjoyed the initial buzz we got from booze.
Its just the way we tried to maintain that buzz , and repeat it time after time, even though we know it doesnt work
Its hard to say I will never drink again but once you do, things get better
Its just the way we tried to maintain that buzz , and repeat it time after time, even though we know it doesnt work
Its hard to say I will never drink again but once you do, things get better
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Alcohol made me feel bad when i wanted to feel good and then i carried on drinking it because i just i did'nt want to care about stuff and numb myself out .
Sounds a bit crazy ? I think that crazyness is how i decided i was an alcoholic .
Bestwishes, M
Sounds a bit crazy ? I think that crazyness is how i decided i was an alcoholic .
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 25
I certainly think you can have a problem with alcohol without being an alcoholic. Maybe it's a matter of terminology - maybe everyone with an alcohol problem, no matter how mild, is "an alcoholic" - but to me, the label doesn't really matter; it's the problem that matters.
I think Dee made a good point when he mentioned "the curve" of alcoholism. I personally don't black out, get falling down drunk, drink and drive, or wake up with massive hangovers. But I do worry I drink more than I should, and that it is negatively impacting my health. How many beers is too many? How many nights a week is too many? Once you start having thoughts like these, and really looking forward to your next drink, you realize that alcohol is starting to control your life. You stop enjoying the occasional drink and enter a darker area.
If you're noticing that your alcohol consumption has gradually increased during the past several years or decades, ask yourself: do you think that this growth is going to stop? Have you finally "hit your plateau" where you will no longer need to drink more alcohol to maintain the buzz? You mentioned that you "sometimes" can't control your drinking - is the "sometimes" happening more or less often than previously?
I myself have been sober for 27 days, and it's been harder than I thought it would be. But I also notice I have a lot more energy than I used to have, and even better, the worrying is gone. I don't have to worry about how much is too much, if three or four times a week is too many, if I have a fatty liver, or if my habit is getting worse. To me, quitting before I became "an alcoholic", was worth it. Maybe it would be worth it for you?
I think Dee made a good point when he mentioned "the curve" of alcoholism. I personally don't black out, get falling down drunk, drink and drive, or wake up with massive hangovers. But I do worry I drink more than I should, and that it is negatively impacting my health. How many beers is too many? How many nights a week is too many? Once you start having thoughts like these, and really looking forward to your next drink, you realize that alcohol is starting to control your life. You stop enjoying the occasional drink and enter a darker area.
If you're noticing that your alcohol consumption has gradually increased during the past several years or decades, ask yourself: do you think that this growth is going to stop? Have you finally "hit your plateau" where you will no longer need to drink more alcohol to maintain the buzz? You mentioned that you "sometimes" can't control your drinking - is the "sometimes" happening more or less often than previously?
I myself have been sober for 27 days, and it's been harder than I thought it would be. But I also notice I have a lot more energy than I used to have, and even better, the worrying is gone. I don't have to worry about how much is too much, if three or four times a week is too many, if I have a fatty liver, or if my habit is getting worse. To me, quitting before I became "an alcoholic", was worth it. Maybe it would be worth it for you?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I think we can get too worried about the stigma of a name label too. I did not drink and drive or lose my job, but i slipped into this dark pit so quickly, i knew i was killing myself (frankly i wanted to)...i don't ever underestimate the fact that alcohol affects me differently than normal people and i never want to return to that horrible, sick state of mind and body.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I could control my drinking for discrete periods, too, but it never lasted, and I would find myself steadily drinking more over the long haul.
The AA definition of alcoholism is an obsession with alcohol when we aren't drinking--how, when, where, how much, how we will manage to control it next time--along with an abnormal physical reaction that makes us want to drink more once we have any.
I never understood how someone could walk away from the bar or a table with half a drink left in the glass. It is just not something I would ever do. But normal drinkers do that sort of thing all the time.
Alcoholism or problem drinking can be manifested across a continuum of drinking behaviors. For me, one of the wakeup calls was realizing that even though I had never gotten so much as a DUI, the alcoholic who has done hard time in prison talks about how he FELT about drinking and it was the same way *I* felt. So even though I had not done all of the same things while under the influence, I was the same when it came to my relationship with alcohol.
I have never heard of anyone experiencing a bad consequence as a result of quitting drinking too soon.
The AA definition of alcoholism is an obsession with alcohol when we aren't drinking--how, when, where, how much, how we will manage to control it next time--along with an abnormal physical reaction that makes us want to drink more once we have any.
I never understood how someone could walk away from the bar or a table with half a drink left in the glass. It is just not something I would ever do. But normal drinkers do that sort of thing all the time.
Alcoholism or problem drinking can be manifested across a continuum of drinking behaviors. For me, one of the wakeup calls was realizing that even though I had never gotten so much as a DUI, the alcoholic who has done hard time in prison talks about how he FELT about drinking and it was the same way *I* felt. So even though I had not done all of the same things while under the influence, I was the same when it came to my relationship with alcohol.
I have never heard of anyone experiencing a bad consequence as a result of quitting drinking too soon.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
If you were a problem drinker you would have stopped when you experienced problems and we'd not be talking now.
That we are indicates you did some drinking even after problems occurred and you'd decided not to drink, though doing so made no real sense.
Deciding firmly not to drink for a year will further inform you about your level of control.
That we are indicates you did some drinking even after problems occurred and you'd decided not to drink, though doing so made no real sense.
Deciding firmly not to drink for a year will further inform you about your level of control.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 129
I want to thank everyone who replied to my post. I guess part of me wanted "reassurance" that maybe this is just a phase I was going through and that one day things will be different..., obviously, that shows that I don't want to never drink again. I have to start being honest with myself. It's not about the "label", and any stigmas attached to it. If I am an alcoholic, it's not like I'm going to let other people know, no need to, it's none of their business...It's more about me admitting to myself that it's more than just a "temporary problem". I know I've become complacent since I was 6 weeks sober, not a lot of time, but I guess, for me, it was enough time for me to consider having a drink...and I did, more than one, obviously. Seems I should take the advice and vow to quit for a substantial amount of time, and see if I have problems sticking to it, then I guess I'll have my answer...not gonna lie, I'm nervous all over again. Maybe that speaks for itself...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 137
Two cents from a newb to sobriety:
Whether you are or you aren't, does it matter?
Just ask yourself if you can happily keep your drinking below the medical guidelines of two drinks per day, 14 per week and no more than four per day. If you can't, your habit is impacting your health in a bad way.
I could never meet that "quota." I was averaging around 40+ serving per week abouts. That's... uhhhh... a little above the 14 drink guideline. If you're anything like me I would strong recommend quitting for good. You don't get a second shot at good health - when it's gone, it's gone.
Whether you are or you aren't, does it matter?
Just ask yourself if you can happily keep your drinking below the medical guidelines of two drinks per day, 14 per week and no more than four per day. If you can't, your habit is impacting your health in a bad way.
I could never meet that "quota." I was averaging around 40+ serving per week abouts. That's... uhhhh... a little above the 14 drink guideline. If you're anything like me I would strong recommend quitting for good. You don't get a second shot at good health - when it's gone, it's gone.
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