Today will be a rough day.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Glad you are doing well. I would have a blast in Las Vegas. Never been, but so much opportunity for people watching and chatting folks up, which I do wherever I go. I think you should chat up some strangers using a fake British accent and using some of that fab vernacular you love so much! xo Enjoy...everything is so much more fun sober if you ask me.
Huh?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
Super depressed now, sitting at the slot machines. Made $1 and cashed out, so it's not that...."wish" I could drink, but it's not hard to say no.....
GAWD I thought the hard part would be not drinking, but it's the recovery, huh?....I just can't believe I'd ever damage myself like that, to such a harsh degree....it's making me tear up....who WAS I?
GAWD I thought the hard part would be not drinking, but it's the recovery, huh?....I just can't believe I'd ever damage myself like that, to such a harsh degree....it's making me tear up....who WAS I?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
It's a learning process Here, your question of "who was I" is a good start. Growing pains are good, at least your conscious and you're learning about the real you. That's good, even if it does hurt. 
Huh?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
Originally Posted by soberlicious 
Glad you are doing well. I would have a blast in Las Vegas. Never been, but so much opportunity for people watching and chatting folks up, which I do wherever I go. I think you should chat up some strangers using a fake British accent and using some of that fab vernacular you love so much! xo Enjoy...everything is so much more fun sober if you ask me.
And people watching is mainly skanky women dressed as sex objects.
Huh?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
Originally Posted by vegibean
It's a learning process Here, your question of "who was I" is a good start. Growing pains are good, at least your conscious and you're learning about the real you. That's good, even if it does hurt.
Huh?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
I don't get how I can be sooooo fiercely independent.....yet be sooooo lonely for a devoted man.
This all just SUCKS.
Sorry guys, I'm just....I don't even know.....my heart feels like it's breaking for no one....my heart just hurts really bad. And I don't know why.
This all just SUCKS.
Sorry guys, I'm just....I don't even know.....my heart feels like it's breaking for no one....my heart just hurts really bad. And I don't know why.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
Do you think relationships might be better a few steps away down the line HIA?
Like I said to someone else here today, I was always looking for someone to 'complete me'...what I really meant was someone to fix me.
It's gonna be a lot better for you and any future partners if you do the fixin' yourself, I think
I was always desperate before...I *needed* to be loved - now I don't...and happiness, my peace of mind and my relationships are waaaay better for it
give it a little time
D
Like I said to someone else here today, I was always looking for someone to 'complete me'...what I really meant was someone to fix me.
It's gonna be a lot better for you and any future partners if you do the fixin' yourself, I think
I was always desperate before...I *needed* to be loved - now I don't...and happiness, my peace of mind and my relationships are waaaay better for it
give it a little time
D
Huh?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
Originally Posted by Dee74
Do you think relationships might be better a few steps away down the line HIA?
Like I said to someone else here today, I was always looking for someone to 'complete me'...what I really meant was someone to fix me.
It's gonna be a lot better for you and any future partners if you do the fixin' yourself, I think
I was always desperate before...I *needed* to be loved - now I don't...and happiness, my peace of mind and my relationships are waaaay better for it
give it a little time
D
Like I said to someone else here today, I was always looking for someone to 'complete me'...what I really meant was someone to fix me.
It's gonna be a lot better for you and any future partners if you do the fixin' yourself, I think
I was always desperate before...I *needed* to be loved - now I don't...and happiness, my peace of mind and my relationships are waaaay better for it
give it a little time
D
But, it just still gets insanely lonely sometimes, even if you don't WANT a partner. That's what I don't get. I don't want to be with anyone, yet I'm so lonely at the same time.
Part of it may be me realizing just HOW much I deserve from a man/partner...how highly selective I am...how I DO want something substantial, not just a f*ck buddy. F*ck buddies sure are easy when you're drunk. Sober though, the idea of that, with a few exceptions, turns me right off. It's even worse when you're constantly hit on by skeevy guys.
HELLO, Im more than just a pretty face or a huge rack. Why don't you say something intelligent,
or at least be a gentleman???
Why bother getting nekkid with someone who doesn't deserve you? Etc etc etcccccc.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
I think you're in the early days of recovery - it's probably best to focus on staying sober for now...I understand the pull...but other stuff can wait
You may not be the same person you are now 3 months from now
D
You may not be the same person you are now 3 months from now
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Someone I hold in high regard in so many ways once shared the following;
Believe that you are loved and cherished. Own that. Let your mind settle on that. With peace and calm, breathe, hold your head up, shoulders back and smile. Breathe slowly, deeply, and know love is right there with you. Because it is. Sobriety is a love like no other.
I don't know if this will help HIA but it helped me at a very crucial time in my life.
Believe that you are loved and cherished. Own that. Let your mind settle on that. With peace and calm, breathe, hold your head up, shoulders back and smile. Breathe slowly, deeply, and know love is right there with you. Because it is. Sobriety is a love like no other.
I don't know if this will help HIA but it helped me at a very crucial time in my life.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Gettin' just a little ahead of yourself, though, kiddo. You're sitting there projecting your probable success finding a man to share your life with.
You know your question, "Who WAS I??" That doesn't matter so much as, "Who will I BE???" And you won't know the answer to that until you get there.
Right now I hope you are feeling totally awesome because you have been handling a big challenge very well. I almost think we should make you the poster girl for how to handle a stressful event where there will be drinking involved. You've done it by the book, and whether it feels like it now or not, you are JUST FINE.
You know your question, "Who WAS I??" That doesn't matter so much as, "Who will I BE???" And you won't know the answer to that until you get there.
Right now I hope you are feeling totally awesome because you have been handling a big challenge very well. I almost think we should make you the poster girl for how to handle a stressful event where there will be drinking involved. You've done it by the book, and whether it feels like it now or not, you are JUST FINE.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congratulate yourself for getting through a challenge AND for talking about your feelings - that's a lot for one day!
Some of the lonely/sad feelings could be a bit of brain chemistry, too. It really does take time (and all the other stuff: good sleep, nutrition, etc.) to get on an even keel emotionally. I was scared of my feelings at first, but the more I saw that I really could get through the bad days, the less intimidating they became.
Good job tonight!
Some of the lonely/sad feelings could be a bit of brain chemistry, too. It really does take time (and all the other stuff: good sleep, nutrition, etc.) to get on an even keel emotionally. I was scared of my feelings at first, but the more I saw that I really could get through the bad days, the less intimidating they became.
Good job tonight!
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