Vodkasaurus

Hello all.
I came across this site using google. My search was for weaning off of alcohol. Recently I've gotten to the point that I have felt like I needed a drink in the am just to function. I have always enjoyed drinking but for many years it was kept to just weekends. After losing my third layoff in 2 years after enjoying a decade of success and seeing a lot of things in my life improve it ALL came to a screeching halt. I had filed bankruptcy myarriage was in the dumps and ultimately my wife left me.
I at the time was drinking a lot more, mostly at night and mainly to help with sleep. This turned into daily drinking and has now turned into drinking sometimes (more than not) in the morning just to deal.
I am currently employed but not doing what I'd like. This economic climate has made me pursue any means of income.

So to get to the point. I'm at the point now and have been for 4-6 months that I almost always start drinking shortly after waking up. I do so to feel "normal". I have a girlfriend now I live with whom I love and adore, she does everything for me but my drinking is becoming an issue now. I mainly work from home so drinking during the day is very easy for me.
I want to quit or at least get back to ONLY weekends but can't see that happening.
I drink in average about 15 nips of 35% alcohol Smirnoff vodka. I hide it from My GF. She knows I drink but not exactly how much.

I'm at a loss. A detox program in which I'd have to be admitted to or months isn't feasible to me.

What are my options?
Any thoughts advice very much appreciated!

Coldfusion

Welcome, 'Saurus!

This is a great place to learn about different recovery methods. Please browse some of the other threads.

My experience was to start off recovery with a few days (not a month) of detox. This helped with the withdrawal symptoms and got my recovery off to a good start. It is a safe way to detox, and you will learn a lot by being around others struggling to get their lives in order.

MIRecovery

Your story is my story. I never wanted to be totally smashed just kinda drunk all the time. I would start at 6:00 AM and continue through out the day. In my case the sequence of events are as follows

1. Almost killed myself because I withdrew by accident
2. Saw a doctor
3. Went to out patient therapy
4. Started AA
5. Got a sponsor and worked the steps
6. Today I am a happy recovering sober alcoholic

goingtoquit

you should talk to a doctor about safely detoxing, withdrawals can be very terrible and can possibly cause death, but everyone is different however just talk to a doctor just to be safe...good luck

FlowersJasmine

Hi Vodkasaurus,
At least you know your problem and you can be a source to a solution, why cant you get organised take one for the road with your focus on stopping drinking. Do not drink to sleep at least you have a girlfriend who can take care of your sleep. Then reduce it to two time in a week, implore your girl friend to help you. Drunk! no sex and good breakfast. This way you will be able to cope. Good day.

ScottFromWI

Welcome VS:

I didn't lose everything but i was going down a similar path to you. Personally I decided it was all or nothing. I tried a 30 day period of sobriety back in May, then started having 1 beer after work 3-4 days a week. Within about 6 months I was back to my same old patterns. Moderation is impossible if you are truly an alcoholic, but only you can know if you are an alcoholic or not.

Both times I quit drinking i just went cold turkey. Some people taper, some don't If you have concerns about it see your doctor first.

Best of luck and glad you have decided to do something about it, SR is a great place to get support and info. There are lots of other forums to if you decide to join a recovery program, take a look around and see if any of them fit your needs.

RobbyRobot

Options are often what we make of them, is my experience. In your post you speak about quitting for good, and yet you would be okay with getting it back to just weekends is also something which has interest for you, although you believe weekend drinking is no longer possible. I agree with you about the weekend drinking being now impossible to successfully manage a life around.

Since quitting is on the menu, what comes next is being successful at quitting so as to get on with the larger purpose of enjoying your life again, although now being sans-alcohol going forward. Likely means some changes are in the near future since a life with alcohol is totally different than a life without booze. Those changes can all become mangeable when you keep an open mind as to what defines a quality life for yourself.

Quality living is not something that just happens to anyone, drinking or not, so like anybody else, there is probably something new for you to work out for yourself to reach and sustain a life of quality.

Start there, I suggest. Here at SR there are many examples of persons living quality lives, abundantly happy, and getting it done! It's not really important which path they personally chose to get what they have; what is important, is they don't lose what they have when life throws them serious challenges and difficulties -- they still continue with living a quailty alcohol free life, and if anything, they are stronger then ever from those same challenges!

lots of options...
lots of choices...
lots of examples...

Whatever you decide, decide for yourself what is best for YOU, and that is the very best start you'll ever get with getting on with living YOUR life!

Welcome to SR!

Delilah1

Welcome! Glad you found SR. I think admitting that I had a problem with alcohol was the hardest thing for me. I spent lots of time trying to moderate my drinking, and taking quizzes about whether or not I had a problem.

I should have realized people who drink normally were not taking these quizzes. My drinking increased with life stresses, and My nightly glass of wine became a bottle, often a large one.

Life is still stressful, but I am better able to handle things with a clear head. Spend some time reading and posting on here. There are lots of different recovery methods, look into what will work for you.

Post and let us know how you are doing.

FamilyMan2153

Your story is like so many before you. All I can say is it can always get worse, never better. Decide for yourself if you will do whatever it takes to remain sober. If you are at that point then do not drink today. Find a way not to drink for this 24 hours. Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Check in with us here and let us know how that went.

least

I'm glad you found us! You'll find a lot of support and useful info here. As to drinking just on weekends, I'd give up that idea as we alcoholics can't do that. I'd say go a month or three without drinking and see how you feel about it then. And do see your doctor for medical help in getting safely thru withdrawals.

Vodkasaurus

I want to thank everyone here for there quick and very thoughtful responses. I can see this is a good support community. I'm going to spend some time reading here and hearing others stories both good an bad I assume.
As for not drinking today that's too late. I have had a few shots just to "function". I never have plans of just getting rip roaring drunk. Quite frankly it would take a huge amount. This is what scares me; the tolerance I appear to have.

Anyways once again a huge THANKS TO EVERYONE!

RobbyRobot

Yeah, I've been there. Lousy place to live a life from, eh!?

Sometimes, though, I'd be snapped outta my gourd on just a single beer... scary that was too... and it was easily getting to the point, in my later years of drinking where for me nursing my drinks started to become meaningless more and more often enough...

Functional never equated into my having quality of life. Something had to eventually change, and that something was me.

Hollyanne

Welcome Vodkasaurus,
Funny name.
See, your sense of humor is still there.
I look for those little things.
As for back to weekends................
Well let's just say, there are a few looooooooooonnnnnnggggggg threads about that.
So read on sir!
Every journey starts with a single step.

LexieCat

A safe, supervised detox only takes a few days. From there, I'd go for getting all the support and help you can.

AA has been great for me. It isn't the only way, at least for some people, but it works for many, many people. It gave me back my life. Not to mention, I was a home drinker, too, and it was great to get out of the house and have someplace to go every day, and do something positive for my recovery every day.

Bigndfan175

Detox or a 28 day stay was something I was not courageous enough to do; however, I can see just being "locked" away for 72 hours, let alone, 28 days, will give you the jump start you need.

hang in there!

artsoul

Welcome Vodkasaurus!

It takes courage to admit our problem and reach out for help and you did that today! I found that getting support was the main thing for me and there's lot of that around here. We know what's it's like and how scary it can be at first.

You might want to see if there are some doctors in your area who specialize in addiction and can give you some medical assistance with detox. The anxiety/depression/insomnia that alcohol creates keeps up in a vicious cycle..... I think you'll be amazed at how much better (calmer and more positive) you feel once you get the alcohol out of your system.

Keep reading and posting - glad you're here!

bigsombrero

Much like an earlier poster, your story mirrors mine. In fact I found this board the same way you did. Everything about your situation is a memory to me, the early morning drinking as soon as I woke up became automatic. Every day I woke up in a cold sweat or shaking, and the cycle repeated itself. I could not function without alcohol. Sounds like you are there now also.

I would recommend a trip to detox. You can call ahead and check yourself in, trust me you can't just withdraw unsafely at this point.

As for me:
1. Withdrew unsafely and had seizures.
2. Was checked into detox on a hospital gurney.
3. Waited at a family member's place until I could be placed in rehab. Constant supervision. Very tough.
4. Went to rehab. Found a middle-of-the-line program cost wise. Didn't matter if I didn't have a dime to my name, I had to go.
5. Have not had a drink since. I have not done much with AA but I am working on it. Don't worry about that just now I'd say.

Dang man, this sucks. Son of a b*tch, I know it does. But you gotta face the damn music. So sorry to hear about your troubles. Good luck, we're here to listen.

Vodkasaurus

Hi folks. Well yesterday wasnt a good day. My GF found my stash of nips and confronted me about it. She was crying and shaking and I feel like such a loser for hurting her like this. My solution to it was to drink. Pretty smart huh?
She's out up with a lot of **** from me and doesn't deserve this. She yhinks I drink vecause of her. I tried to explain it to her but even I'm not sure why I do it. Total disregard for her feelings and I feel horrible about it.

Vodkasaurus

Oh and I forgot to mention I have no health insurance now either. I'm trying to get on Ma health but it takes forever!

Huglets

Hi Vodkasaurus & welcome to SR!!!

Completely understand the insanity that you are going through right now. That was my life for 25+ years. I finally became tired of being sick & tired.

Like you, I resorted to AM drinking to feel "normal" and be able to function. I hated every minute of it.

My first admission of having a problem with a alcohol was to my doctor. I was looking for him to "fix me". Ya know, a magic pill or something. He gave me numbers and names to seek help. I was irate. I didn't want to actually put any work into getting myself better, I wanted someone to do it for me.

Since that time, I've been through medical detox twice. I FINALLY understood that the only one that can truly help me is ME. It stinks but it's true.

I'm currently unemployed with no insurance as well. My last bout with alcohol cost me my job of 16 years. I find a great deal of comfort in attending AA meetings (ie - free) and talking to others that understand the insanity of alcohol. If your GF doesn't have a problem with alcohol she will not understand. And that's OK. Being around others with similar issues feels so good.

But, hey, if AA isn't your thing, check out other options as others mentioned. No one method works for everyone. Just go for whatever works for you.

I wish you well. Keep posting to let us know how you're doing.