MIRecovery

The one thing for sure about alcoholism is it always gets worse. Alcohol wanted me dead but not before it had destroyed everything and everybody I loved.

When I made the decision to do what ever I had to do to stay sober things started to get better.

You can do it but you have to be willing

Vodkasaurus

Thanks for the responses. Things really got worse for me when I took on a new job that gave me a lot of freedom and flexibility. I never drank in the Am as I had a mortal 9-5 and working kept me busy etc, but the moment I got home it was cocktail hours.
Not to make excuses for myself but I come from a Lon line of alcoholics. My mother is one now. She started with the wine 15 yrs ago and it's gotten worse but she keeps a full time job etc. my biological dad was alcoholic as was his dad etc.
I remember some years back an uncle commenting to me on drinking and said to watch out because it runs in the family. At the time I didn't think much about it because my drinking was limited to Friday and Saturday nights. Boy was he right.

MIRecovery

Mother and Father died of alcoholism, Brother active alcoholic, Grand Mother and Grand father were alcoholics but I really do not see how that makes a difference.

I am sober so it can be done

Vodkasaurus

Well it has been scientifically proven that one can be predisposed to Alcoholism through genes. But yes you are right it's not set in stone. Ultimately we make the choice to drink or not.

MIRecovery

I completely agree with the genetic predisposition aspect. It might explain why I am an alcoholic but it does not change the fact that I can not drink and have to work to stay sober

MurphysMistress

Welcome Vodkasaurus....I'm new here too. I did the at-home, not medically supervised detox & while I know "weaning off" would never have worked for me (if I have one, I have 10...I could never have just one) ...I'm pretty sure I came thisclose to killing myself last week. It was horrible & I don't recommend that...but I know what a b*tch it is to get help especially if you don't have insurance (I'm on MA Health myself....they will jerk you around forever unfortunately).

I would continue to try weaning if you think that might work for you. If I had a dollar for every time I said "I'm gonna quit tomorrow" ...I'd be rich, but eventually it sticks. I'm only on day 11 so I'm no expert, all I can say is to keep trying and focus on what is important in your life. For me it was my kids...and my general health, while I have no real health issues to speak of, another 6 months at the rate I was going would have done me in....this I know.

Best of luck to you....and don't stop trying.

Vodkasaurus

Well yesterday I was able to go untill 4pm with out a drink but I caved. Siperbowl didn't help. This am I woke up feeling pretty good as I didn't over do it. I had a positive outlook for today them realized I hadn't finished the booze from last night. I fought it off for 4 hrs then caved again. Ugh... I wish that lil devil ony shoulder would shut up!

Nonsensical

You're actually bigger and stronger than he is. Put him in a covered box and plug the air hole. Make that little turd squeal.

Garen

lolol!!

Vodkasaurus

Bad day today. I had such high hoped too.

AlisonW

Vodkasaurus, if you're able to learn something from whatever happened today, you can take a bad day and turn it into a positive, use it to help a "bad day" from happening again in the future.

Dee74

maybe you need to think about more support vodkasaurus?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players - some have meetings, some don;t some are 12 step, some not..:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

There's a lot of free or low cost clinics around too - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search

The important thing is to not give up...you can do this

D

Smidge

Hello,
I am new to this site so I have been reading posts and came across yours....I can really relate to your current issue. When I first realized that alcohol was controlling my life, thoughts and actions...it scared the crap out of me. I knew NOTHING about what steps to take or where to go, or who to talk to. I did go to my Dr. and told her my situation and that I was wanting to quit. She gave me a RX to help with the detox, until I could get into treatment. If treatment is not an option...which it is not for many people....than AA is a great support system...it sucked for me at first...I hated meetings!!! I think I was just mad that I could not drink anymore ...that my social life was gone...I felt I was different "better" then "those" people....blah, blah, blah. I came to realize over time that I am just like those people...I lie, hide, and deceive those I love to keep my precious vodka addiction safe and secret.
It's sometimes hard to look back in life and see the damage alcohol has caused...but it really helps put in perspective that even when times seemed fun...there was still the next day...and the apologies that needed to be made, the guilt for whatever one might have done, the money lost, the trust in relationships harmed...etc...etc.
It is the devil...and the constant thoughts and voices talking you into drinking are part of it....it is poison.
The Alcoholics Anonymous blue book is a good read...as well as Sober living.
They might help you understand the process...
I have been struggling with this for years...many relapses...I just know that when I get off my pity pot and do what I need to do...it works! Otherwise I am at home feeling sorry for myself and drinking....ruining my life more than it is.
I hope maybe something I said helped....

Pamel

TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SAID: "Alcohol wanted me dead but not before it had destroyed everything and everybody I loved."

Thanks so much for this quote; it is going down in my all-time truths.

We talk about "torture"!!! Nothing tortures anyone more than addiction. Someday they will figure out a way to inject it directly into someone and torture them totally before killing them.

We are so fortunate that we still have "choice".

Dee74

welcome smidge

D

Vodkasaurus

Thanks for all the support. I am still drinking but its not as bad as it had gotten for a few months. I can at least hold off till later in the day now. I know it's not the solution but for now its much more manageable. I will continue to try and make progress.

Pamel

Progress is good. Try to do better each day. Keep posting...

Vodkasaurus

Thanks Pamel!

renaldo

It only took me 5 days.

When I went cold turkey, I had a seizure. It's nothing to mess around with. Serious medical concern.

I've heard that you can't die from heroin withdrawals. You may wish you were dead, but with alcohol, you can die. As for the heroin, I don't know if that's true, but for alcohol, I can assure you it's true.

Hopscotch

Hello Vodkasauraus!

Have you thought of a plan to quit for good?
("Good" in the sens of all uses of the word here!)
What have you tried in that direction?
Best to you,
H