Weasel1966

Being gay and being an alcoholic. Is trying to be sober more of a challenge because of it?

Yes I am aware that there is an area of the board for the topic but I feel I make points that crossover into the everybody category.

I hear it a lot from friends. If you want to meet people like myself i must go to a bar to find them.

The culture makes it so we have fewer places to "hang" and so bars become the norm for much of the community. But certainly not all. That's changing with each passing year. We are becoming more mainstream than not.

But why on earth would someone think that being gay makes staying sober harder? What should be attributed to being in this particular minority that makes this even something to be considered?

It's an empty argument. An addictive voice speaking loudly in your ear.

There are infinite combinations of nationality, race, sex, education and it goes on and on and that no single one combination can claim victory in the right to say that stopping is harder simply because of these factors.

Alcoholism is just that. It is what it is regardless of who has it.

Feeling different than someone else. Emotionally trying to deal with where we fit in life. Finding a love that will trip our switches and making that work. Trying to live a peaceful and fulfilling life. Accepting ourselves.

No one has a corner on anything here. We stand united in our wants. We also happen to stand united in our desire to live a sober life. All excuses aside.

Zee

Im straight, I have a husband who is native Russian and I love Chihuahuas.... what is more different to that? What's the differance between a xenophobe and a homaphobe in our society... they are all closed minded. My sister thinks my beautful doggys are ugly...bah, its all rubbish... I'm an alcoholic.. period... I don't go on about it though... sometimes people need to look at themselves more x

Weasel1966

I agree zee. I posted because I get tired of excuses about stopping. It's what we make it.

I happen to be of the mindset that we need not make up reasons for this. I just need to solve it Amd live a better life. What ever that life is.

ScottFromWI

Of all the bad things you can say about Alcoholism, you can't label it as being racist or discriminatory in anyway. It doesn't care if you are white, black, red, straight, gay, presbyterian, mormon, hindu, muslim, democrat, republican, blind, deaf, rich or poor. It welcomes everyone into it's warm embrace and then goes downhill from there.

Bottom line, if you want to quit you have to decide to do it and get support anywhere you can. It may be harder for some to quit based on societal issues, but you can't let those be a distraction if you really want to quit. And I think SR is a great example of a place where all are wlecomed..regardless of the societal issues.

Fandy

I'm straight, older, a blonde with 4 cats, a Pomeranian and I need a new washer and dryer. I also stopped drinking.

Garen

In my readings here and a few other places, it seems that those with social difficulties are more prone to substance abuse or turning to it (wrongly) as a way to sort of deal with it. Being gay certainly can qualify... growing up in the closet and afraid to be honest with yourself and others because of what others might and often do think. I am not gay, I am straight... but there are other characteristics of me that are laughed at or frowned upon by the masses which can lead to self-esteem issues especially during childhood. You know, you grow up and kids laugh at you and beat you up and you go to movies and people who remind you of you in the movie do something and everyone laughs... or in some cases even get shunned by ones own parents - so we ignore it maybe deny it and end up living life not whole... so to speak. Sexuality is very important to a humans mental health and it's a sensitive and private subject (usually) that can have profound implications. In my opinion our society and media can be brutal and everyone seems to think that it's a choice (what ever "quirk" that may apply to someone) and we can simply choose to be a different way or that we can ignore it in order to please their opinions and still be just fine happy and healthy. We can't and so if we are mentally conflicted we can look to fill the void in other ways.

Not saying it's an acceptable excuse or anything to turn to booze, more of a philosophical thought I had.

mecanix

Excuses for not stopping .. usually they are the same excuses people make up for not doing a lot of stuff in life , often if you probe a bit deeper you find either people can't be botherd or they are fearful of change .

Bestwishes, M

Weasel1966

Garen... I agree to some degree.

I am gay. If I say that staying sober is harder because of that fact then I somehow say other should have an easier go at it. Not only is that not fair to them it's rather insulting.

Everyone has social pressures. I know first hand how damn hard being gay can be. I may even have drank many many times to compensate emotionally.

But I owe other alcoholics the respect I deserve and that's neither is special with regard to our efforts to live sober.

Sorry to be so on a high horse. I just feel there is no difference.

LDT

A while back I started following a series of video clips and posters entitled " Your Excuse Is Invalid". Talk about a reality check! From the time I first laid eyes on that 4 year old, running a race, with 2 prosthesis..... I knew I had no problems.... or at least they were greatly diminished by comparison. I no longer ask Why me?.... As someone posted here recently, " Why NOT me".

I drank because I'm an alcoholic. Plain and simple. My recovery is what I make of it. My "excuse" is invalid.

escapist

There is some evidence that ethnicity has bearing on becoming alcoholic. My grandfather descended from native americans. He was an alcoholic. So were members of his family (like me ). I guess I could use that as an excuse. Even if odds are I am predisposed to alcoholism I still want to quit and stay quit.

RobbyRobot

I grew up crippled from polio, physical, mental, sexual absue, attachment disorder issues, schizophrenia, drinking at 12, medical issues up the kazoom... and so what?

None of that made it any harder to quit alcohol and drugs. If anything, all that helped me to quit earlier by age 24...

Been sober and clean ever since...

Now age 55...

And lovin' it...

LDT

Wow Robby... powerful stuff. Thanks for that post.

Weasel1966

Robby... You forgot to mention you have an awesome Z. Lol.

Glad you are here to inspire!

RobbyRobot

Thanks, guys!

I'm here all week, hahaha.

:ghug3

Coldfusion

I am bisexual with schizo-affective disorder. I learned at detox 85 days ago that I had it good--I wasn't addicted to heroin.

MIRecovery

I drank cause I wanted to I stopped because I had to. Arguements about why are useless IMO because even if you knew what difference would it make. We all have our sad stories but at the end of the day. I can not drink regardless of what life throws at me.

scottydee1946

Stay strong Weasel1966. You are worth it.

ScottFromWI

I think it's still important to realize where people came from and why they decided to quit. Many times there are other issues that need adressing in addition to drinking and you wouldn't even know about them if you just had a pure black/white view of things. Half the benefit of support groups and places like SR is sharing your 'sad stories' so everyone can remember why they aren't drinking anymore. Making up excuses is one thing, but being compassionate and understanding is another.

RobbyRobot

By age 15 I was a total drunk. I was quickly being written off like yesterday's news in so many important ways. At bars and parties, people would buy me drinks, and say "Yeah, if i was you, I'd drink too. Here. Have one on me, buddy." Girls would say "You're real cute, but... you're so sad too. Too bad."

Compassion and understanding can also become too much of a good thing...

LadyinBC

I use to think being a woman gave me a free pass. Nope!