Getting used to sobriety?
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Getting used to sobriety?
Was thinking before about how I feel that maybe I'm starting to settle into this sober living theme. I had a couple of tough weeks but have passed the hump & the obsession is lifted... For now. I know I'm still an alcoholic & will continue working on the steps, going to meetings but its so nice to be home after work & just doing normal things. And being okay with that
There is a great satisfaction in just doing normal things and getting things accomplished these days. Some days it feels like boredom, and others like contentment. Things are definitely on more of an even keel, which is such a relief after the chaos of drinking.
Yep, beginning to remember what doing things 100% sober is like...1000% better than doing anything in a 300 units a week living hell.
I was christmas shopping barely fuctioning as a human, from the top deck of the bus I see people queueing to get on after work.
they sat and chatted politely about the cold and how the bus was 26 minutes late with a strange cameraderie. I could have cried, I was so insanely jealous of them and their routines.
I imagined them walking into their houses to the smell of something lovely in a slow cooker.
I knew then that all I wanted for christmas and for the rest of my life was to be sober.
I was christmas shopping barely fuctioning as a human, from the top deck of the bus I see people queueing to get on after work.
they sat and chatted politely about the cold and how the bus was 26 minutes late with a strange cameraderie. I could have cried, I was so insanely jealous of them and their routines.
I imagined them walking into their houses to the smell of something lovely in a slow cooker.
I knew then that all I wanted for christmas and for the rest of my life was to be sober.
With every change, and every step, I have found things to be better and better.
Sober a year and a half and my life is still PLENTY unmanageable, but I wouldn't trade the way things are for my best day drinking.
At first the joy of sober life was waking up without a hangover, not puking up bile in the shower, not trying to avoid people the first 1/2 of my day so they wouldn't smell me...
Then it was realizing I never have to slurp spilled wine out of a carpet again.
Then realizing how many "yets" I've avoided so far ("yets" as in, "I never went to jail...yet")
Then it was finding a God of my understanding.
Now it's having clarity and focus enough to avidly hunt for a new job, and to finally realize what I want to go back to school to study.
My rambling, too-long-in-coming point is this:
The joys you may find in sobriety are likely to change and evolve, but it never ceases. As you continue life sober, you may find that even walking through the ratty parts of life aren't so bad...because you can actually feel and be present for them.
Please pardon my verbosity,
C'sD
Sober a year and a half and my life is still PLENTY unmanageable, but I wouldn't trade the way things are for my best day drinking.
At first the joy of sober life was waking up without a hangover, not puking up bile in the shower, not trying to avoid people the first 1/2 of my day so they wouldn't smell me...
Then it was realizing I never have to slurp spilled wine out of a carpet again.
Then realizing how many "yets" I've avoided so far ("yets" as in, "I never went to jail...yet")
Then it was finding a God of my understanding.
Now it's having clarity and focus enough to avidly hunt for a new job, and to finally realize what I want to go back to school to study.
My rambling, too-long-in-coming point is this:
The joys you may find in sobriety are likely to change and evolve, but it never ceases. As you continue life sober, you may find that even walking through the ratty parts of life aren't so bad...because you can actually feel and be present for them.
Please pardon my verbosity,
C'sD
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