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Old 01-22-2013, 10:24 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Hi everyone,
Posting here for the very first time and I joined this website for some advice and help. My boyfriend is a recovering opiate addict.. He would snort oxycodone, smoke fentanyl and did lots of benzos. He is currently clean but only after i found him wearing a fentanyl patch and had been accusing him for weeks of being on something. I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him but I'm so scared that something is going to happen and he's going to go behind my back and do stuff again. I feel as though I'm nagging him all the time to get his **** together and do the right thing and get his life back on track and now he barely even acts the same way. Is it wrong of me to nag him when all I'm trying to do is help? He says he loves me but its sounding almost forced (though he's never said anything even close to being sick of me or irritated..he says he appreciates it and knows why I'm doing it but just acts more and more distant from me) I'm worried I'm not doing the right thing to help him and need some advice on what to do to help him. I really care about him and see our future progressing into a marriage hopefully, but need to know the correct ways to help him. Any response helps. Thanks!
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hi hope, welcome to the forums, but I think you should check out the friends & family part of the board. there is a ton of experience from people who are dealing with life with an addict or alcoholic over there.

definitely take care of yourself first, the addict isn't going to change until he's in enough pain to want to do something different. no matter how much you "nag" or "help"....he's gotta want it.
“It's very hard to stop doing things you're used to doing. You almost have to dismantle yourself and scatter it all around and then put a blindfold on and put it back together so that you avoid old habits.”

―Tom Waits
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome Blue. The first thing I would say is definitely check out the friends and family of substance abusers forum. You'll find a ton of useful info and advice there directly relating to your situation.

Something I've noticed about addiction in personal relationships is that there is a natural disconnect between addicts and non-addicts who try to help in that the addict may view the non-addict as someone who just doesn't understand what he or she is going through. This may be the cause of some of the distance you feel.

Also, keep in mind there is nothing you can do to make him get better; he has to ultimately initiate that process himself. Just my two cents.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:46 PM   #4 (permalink)

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Is he doing this for himself or because of you? He needs to want this himself. Is he using the patch to wean himself off? He's probably going through hell right now and this could be why he's more distant with you. Hopefully others can chime in that have gotten clean from these prescription drugs he's taking.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:05 PM   #5 (permalink)

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Is he ready?

[QUOTE=hopefullblue;3785583]Hi everyone,
Posting here for the very first time and I joined this website for some advice and help. My boyfriend is a recovering opiate addict..

Hopeful if he is an addict , you can't get him to quit until he is ready. He's gotta want it for himself. I would suggest you find out abput narc-anon, it is for loved ones of those who use. You will learn so much from them and you will learn to detach. I will pray for you.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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You will find me both in recovery from substance abuse and the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers board. Both fellowships have taught me the only person who can want to get clean is the abuser themselves. I can want my dear sister to stop abusing drugs, but there is nothing I can do to get her to quit until she is ready, just as there was nothing anybody could do for me until I was ready to be clean.
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