Psyched myself up, now disappointed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Psyched myself up, now disappointed
Hi everyone,
Well I joined the class of Jan 13 and made it 5 days until I started drinking again on day 6 (still the longest I've been without drinking for about 6 years or so)
So I fell off the wagon, and drinking pretty much every day ever since, and I've been thinking for a long time that I need support. I thought about AA, as there are lots of meetings, I think, where I live (Belfast). The trouble is, I feel paralysed with shyness even at the thought of going to them. I'm a shy person anyway, and I feel really nervous meeting new people, and I just never thought I'd be able to do this, although I really want to go to a meeting. I think I need to talk about this in real life, it's the only thing that will help me now.
So I psyched myself up to ring the AA helpline just a little while ago, and I just got an answering machine. I was so disappointed, I just assumed someone would be there to talk to after i got myself so worked up to actually do it! I did leave a message, but I know if they ring tomorrow i'll be too shy to answer them (and also will be at work, so that's not really a conversation I want to have in front of my colleagues!!)
Sorry for the long post. I'm just annoyed that it took me so long to get up the courage to ring that number and now nothing. I am drinking tonight, so I thought I'd have the nerve to talk to them. I kinda made a deal with myself that i could drink tonight on the condition I reached out and actually made an effort to do something to deal with this. Now I feel annoyed and scared and helpless that if I want to talk to them, I'll have to talk tomorrow when/if they ring back and I'll be sober. And then I'm pretty sure I won't talk to them and I won't get the help I so badly want.
I was wondering if anyone had the same experience, the same reticence and fear before going to a meeting, and if you could tell me that it all worked out alright. As I'm really scared I'll just stay here being scared and never go!
Thanks
Anna
Well I joined the class of Jan 13 and made it 5 days until I started drinking again on day 6 (still the longest I've been without drinking for about 6 years or so)
So I fell off the wagon, and drinking pretty much every day ever since, and I've been thinking for a long time that I need support. I thought about AA, as there are lots of meetings, I think, where I live (Belfast). The trouble is, I feel paralysed with shyness even at the thought of going to them. I'm a shy person anyway, and I feel really nervous meeting new people, and I just never thought I'd be able to do this, although I really want to go to a meeting. I think I need to talk about this in real life, it's the only thing that will help me now.
So I psyched myself up to ring the AA helpline just a little while ago, and I just got an answering machine. I was so disappointed, I just assumed someone would be there to talk to after i got myself so worked up to actually do it! I did leave a message, but I know if they ring tomorrow i'll be too shy to answer them (and also will be at work, so that's not really a conversation I want to have in front of my colleagues!!)
Sorry for the long post. I'm just annoyed that it took me so long to get up the courage to ring that number and now nothing. I am drinking tonight, so I thought I'd have the nerve to talk to them. I kinda made a deal with myself that i could drink tonight on the condition I reached out and actually made an effort to do something to deal with this. Now I feel annoyed and scared and helpless that if I want to talk to them, I'll have to talk tomorrow when/if they ring back and I'll be sober. And then I'm pretty sure I won't talk to them and I won't get the help I so badly want.
I was wondering if anyone had the same experience, the same reticence and fear before going to a meeting, and if you could tell me that it all worked out alright. As I'm really scared I'll just stay here being scared and never go!
Thanks
Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
I did Dee, thanks, I left my name and mobile number so I know they'll call me back when they get a chance tomorrow. It's almost midnight here in NI so I understand they can't be there 24/7. Just my selfishness coming to the fore again, I guess 
I suppose I have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around me!
I suppose I have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around me! A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Bombshell,
Yes, it's too bad there wasn't someone to take the call--it's something to remember when you get sober--volunteer to answer the phone!
I suggest you make plans to just go to a meeting anyway. I'm going to share a link that might make it a little more comfortable for you to go. It's about what to expect at your first AA meeting. People at the meetings are really nice, and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to (although, as the article points out, it might make you more comfortable, faster, if you at least say your name so people can know who you are).
I found AA a HUGE help in staying sober these past four and a half years.
Yes, it's too bad there wasn't someone to take the call--it's something to remember when you get sober--volunteer to answer the phone!
I suggest you make plans to just go to a meeting anyway. I'm going to share a link that might make it a little more comfortable for you to go. It's about what to expect at your first AA meeting. People at the meetings are really nice, and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to (although, as the article points out, it might make you more comfortable, faster, if you at least say your name so people can know who you are).
I found AA a HUGE help in staying sober these past four and a half years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Thank you Lexie and Goingtoquit!
I'll read that link Lexie, I know I'll still be scared tomorrow but I really want to go to a meeting. I'm really hoping they'll ring back and maybe even - it would be amazing - get someone to meet me and walk in with me! (I've heard here about that happening!)
And yes, when I'm sober I'll definitely answer the phones... can't promise I'll still be awake at this time of night tho lol
Thanks guys!
Anna x
I'll read that link Lexie, I know I'll still be scared tomorrow but I really want to go to a meeting. I'm really hoping they'll ring back and maybe even - it would be amazing - get someone to meet me and walk in with me! (I've heard here about that happening!)
And yes, when I'm sober I'll definitely answer the phones... can't promise I'll still be awake at this time of night tho lol
Thanks guys!
Anna x
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Bombshell,
I know it's hard to not get the response you were hoping for, but that doesn't mean you can't do it. Ultimately it's you who will have to make the decision to stop drinking for yourself, and of course you'll have SR and others to offer support. Stay strong in your determination to make this work.
I know it's hard to not get the response you were hoping for, but that doesn't mean you can't do it. Ultimately it's you who will have to make the decision to stop drinking for yourself, and of course you'll have SR and others to offer support. Stay strong in your determination to make this work.
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