rennie1108

I'm still very, very early in my sobriety (7 days) and would prefer not to tell people what's going on. This is mainly because no one thinks I have a problem (I've mentioned it in the past to therapists and friends and everyone thinks I'm overreacting), and so I don't think anyone would take it seriously.

So, that being said, I am going to a concert Friday night with friends. I am VERY confident that I won't drink. What I'm unsure of is what to say to my friends to keep them off my back? I'm sure many of you have experienced this. I know when I used to go out and someone wasn't drinking, I'd make a big stink of it. I think I did that b/c I didn't want to feel like a lush. I wanted everyone to join in! So I get it. But what are some things I could say that wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable or make them think something was up?

And also, is this weird that I want to hide this? I've only lived in Columbus for a couple of years and thus, my friendships with people are fairly new. I'm also in my early 30s, so I think if I just said, "Hey guys, I'm an alcoholic, so just stop giving me a hard time about not drinking," I'm pretty sure I'd freak some people out! I want to give the impression that everything is cool, I'm having a great time, and they can drink to their heart's desire. I'll even make sure they get home safely....because this is how I'll be feeling. I just want them to feel the same!

Any suggestions/comments/tips? I met an out of town friend for "drinks" last night - I haven't seen him in 2 years. And when I ordered a Shirley Temple, I got very strange looks from him and the bartender. He asked me why I wasn't drinking, and I just said, "Because I'm not." Now, I know that's fine and I don't have to explain myself to anyone, but it was kind of awkward because, well, we going out for drinks! I get it. I need some advice!!

LexieCat

I used to say, "I don't feel like it tonight." Now, I say, "I don't drink, thanks."

You could just say you aren't drinking, and if asked why, say you've decided it isn't good for you. That's my standard explanation. It's really nobody else's business.

Are you POSITIVE you won't say, "screw it," if people give you a hard time? Because they just might, and you don't want to jeopardize your sobriety. If you give in, even with one drink, you are feeding the addiction and keeping it strong.

MrAverage

Some people here will tell you that you don't have to explain yourself. While that's true, you should also consider addressing a friend's potential confusion with a sudden lifestyle change.

Others will say that you should be completely open and spill the beans about your whole issue. That is also okay, but might potentially be awkward in the wrong situation.

Personally, I tell people that I'm on a health kick and that I'm trying to eat and drink healthier while exercising more (which may or may not be true at a given time). It's rarely raised further conversation in my experience.

Lunetta

I am in my 22nd day and totally know what you mean. A couple of situations have or will be coming up, as of right now I said I made it a New Year's resolution to quit drinking. That seems to be working. I also found it helpful to warn a friend or 2 prior to seeing them (mainly because if I say I'm not drinking, most people are going to assume I'm pregnant or not know what the heck is going on) Good luck!

Hope4Life

I would suggest that you drive to the show, then you have a built in excuse not to drink. Some other things you could say are "I just dont feel like drinking tonight" or "Just thought I'd take a break" or "Something told me to stay sober tonight".

Remember how you used to feel when the shoe was on the other foot, though, because misery loves company and so do alcoholics. Some folks might feel threatened by your sobriety but since you havent been there for very long, it should be pretty easy to just sidestep any questions.

I attend a lot of concerts and I can honestly say that since I stopped drinking
6 months ago, I have been enjoying each show a lot more. I dont have to miss anything to go to the bathroom or run to the bar for another beer and the memories of the show are much clearer.

Have a GREAT time! Congratulations on your sobriety.

rennie1108

Great advice from all!

LexieCat, I completely understand your concern. I know in the past that has happened to me - the difference between now and then is that I wasn't sure in the past if I wanted to stop drinking completely. Now I am certain. But I do believe I will need to stay away from places/circumstances that would make it difficult to not drink. I don't believe this is one of them.

MrAverage, I agree with you that it throws people for a loop when you just say, "I don't drink anymore!" My friends would be like, "Since when?"

And Lunetta, I actually have mentioned it to a few friends, who are totally supportive! I didn't explain the exact truth, just that I'm laying off the booze for a while. I want to loose weight and train for my first 50k seriously. I actually did say to one friend, "Now, the next time I see you don't give me a hard time when I don't drink!" She said no way, I need to lay off the wine myself!

I did just make a brand new friend this past weekend while out on a run. She just invited me to a wine bar on Friday night. I told her that I didn't drink and in turn, I invited her to the concert instead! I told her I'd drive us So that seemed to work out smoothly.

Again, thanks for the advice. I'd love to hear more. I'm actually excited for lies ahead, and I know in time, I will become more comfortable when confronted with that question.

Bigndfan175

My standard line for the past two months (and I'll use it at my wife's company Xmas party this Friday)
I'm on prescription drugs and can't imbibe.

I will say this; that if they are your friends then you can tell them you were drinking too much and would appreciate their support. If they come back with "Really, I didn't think you drank all that much" you can say " I knew it was time to quit when I went to take a **** and a Corona bottle cap came out"

Soberish

I second the idea of driving to the show so you have the excuse that you have to drive. Just don't drink and drive because that would be worse! I was actually offered a beer today from a friends dad and I recently got my license back so my excuse was that I couldn't because I wanted to keep my license and I can't even have a .01 BAC. This went over way smoother than just saying no thanks because there was no question that followed such as "why not?" Or "its only a beer".

Soberish

lmfao!

choublak

I don't know. If your friends who do drink are going to be that weird about it, it may be time to find other people to hang out with.

ScottFromWI

I personally just tell people I'm not drinking because I'm cutting back. I've never once had anyone give me a hard time. In fact, more often than not they say something like "I wish I could do that" or "I should cut back myself". Might as well just be honest.

paul99

No need for big explanations - people don't often want to hear them anyway. I usually cite "a healthier lifestyle" and leave it at that. Rarely does anyone delve deeper, and if they do, I just say that it doesn't agree with me. No one has gotten further than that. Have fun at the concert.

Genzy7

I plan on saying that I'm trying to reach my goal weight and alcohol is empty calories.

shockozulu

ScottFromWI, I love your guitar avatar.


I have found most people don't care that much about my lack of alcoholic intake. For me, this thinking people care more than they really do is the fact I still need to work on the fact the world doesn't surround around me

DIYman

"I'm giving my liver a rest"
"I'm doing the dry January thing"
"I'm a bit off beer at the moment"

All perfectly true.....

Louise82

This is more a funny anecdote rather than something you can say to people who've seen you drink before, but I had a Christian friend who told people that he was allergic to alcohol in order to get out of drinking without getting heavy and bringing up his beliefs.

And it isn't even a lie because, really, don't we all have an allergic reaction to alcohol if we drink enough of it? Vomiting and losing consciousness are allergic reactions, are they not?

vegibean

Tell them you're not feeling so good, or as another said, you're doing the healthy thing now and trying to stay away from that.

meoaks

When I don't feel like having a heavy conversation I just say I'm trying to lose weight.

Tamerua

I am always on some diet so people believe that one.

Anna

First of all, I think honesty is crucial to recovery. For me, lying was second nature and I had to turn that around right away.

Why do you feel you need to make an excuse or give a reason? 'No, thanks' is to the point and incredibly empowering in many situations. No explanation necessary.