MythOfSisyphus

Everyone here is pulling for you, Feta! As humans it's natural to think no one understands you or has gone through what you have but many of us have walked miles in your shoes. We get it. We also tend to think the worst, to imagine that our lives are hopeless. But nothing could be further from the truth! Every day above ground is a gift, and so long as you're alive you have the capacity to change, to make a better life.

Hang in there! Things can get better.:ghug3

tomsteve

i cant say i know how you feel, but i know how i felt when i was lost and alone. i felt that way for many years before walking into AA. i was very fortunate to be at many 1st step and "what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now" meetings. i was quite amazed and had a lil fear at the same time. here was a group of people describing exactly how i either felt at that time or had felt at some time( useless, worthless, hopeless, and helpless). i had a fear that people had been following me! how could they be describing exactly how i felt about myself?? my 1st sponsor amazed me. sitting down for coffee after meetngs, he would tell me about his mental and emotional state when he was drinking. he was talking about how i was at that time!" but he doesnt seem like that anymore. how can that be??" i would ask myself. welp, it was because what he was describing was him 30 years prior, before getting into AA, getting a sponsor, working the steps, and practicing the principles daily.
it has been a blessing to find the fellowship and program of AA. i am now longer useless,worthless,hopeless, or helpless. i owe it all to AA and the people that went before me.

Hevyn

Welcome back, Feta. I'm so glad you returned to seek help with this. Not being alone makes it bearable. You know we all understand.

You've been given some good suggestions already. You don't have to live that awful life anymore. I can relate to many of the things you said. Alcohol turned me into a person I didn't even recognize - but unlike you, I went on for decades longer trying to manage it. You're seeking help at the right time. The bad days can become a dim memory. You can do this, Feta.

Anna

Feta, we really do understand how hard this is. I'm so glad you're seeking support and please know that we are always here to help you. There is always something inspirational to read here, so keep reading and posting.

Sasha4

Feta...I am sorry you are sad at the moment.

I remember when I was deep in drinking, hearing a lady talk about her life and how to others it sounded dull, but she was happy and content.

She worked, came home, ate and bathed, went to a meeting at 7.30pm, then came home and went to bed.
The next day she did the same.
For the last 20 or so years she had done that.

I remember at one time feeling so envious of her.
I wanted that life.
I did not want to wake up feeling sick, anxious and hungover.
I did not want to wake up wondering what I had texted and who I had rung.
I did not want to see the bruises the next morning and have no idea how they got there.

It took time, but I got myself a life without drink.
My life is much more peaceful now and at times I am very proud of myself.

I just needed that starting one day.
Once I had that I could build on it.
Soon I had 2, then double figures at 10, soon a month, next 2 months.
As the numbers stacked up I wanted nothing to stop me gaining more days and months.

I found that my anxiety got better the longer I stopped drinking.
I had more confidence, I was less depressed and irritable.
I realised I did not really need to see a doctor.
I held the solution to me getting better.

Forget what has happened with old experiences and people you have encountered.
Do not let a comment made by somebody who was rude, stand in your way of a better, sober life. Be better than that, you deserve more, far more.

Put relationships with men on the back burner for now.
No relationship is going to be successful if your deeply unhappy and drinking to excess.
You need to improve your relationship with yourself first.

However you decide to do it - AA, SMART, RR, here - put all your effort into.
Probably more so than your career at the moment.
You won't have a career for much longer if you carry on. Work colleagues will guess. You probably think your hiding it, but we never really do.

Please keep coming here and reading and posting.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Its your's for the taking if you want it....x

vegibean

Hey Feta, you mentioned that you have a lot of secrets bottled up inside you, I'm wondering if seeing a therapist might help you? I just started seeing one this week after I relapsed after five years of sobriety. It's good to get a lot of "crap" out that you don't feel comfortable with others, I'm looking forward to many more sessions until I can get my head clear.

As for your privacy, you are protected by HIPPA, it's a privacy act that protects people, you doctor cannot disclose anything without your written consent. They cannot disclose anything unless you threaten yourself or someone else and in that case it is to protect you.

Please trust your doctors, that's what they are there for. I wish you the best, keep posting and welcome to SR!! :ghug3