werdenfeller

Hi

I'm werdenfeller. Since the age of 19, I'v been taking(abusing) many substances, for periods of intervals and quantities. I started with benzos (1 year) + alcohol, then cocaine + alcohol (3 years),then alcohol alone(1'5 years) and then methylphenidate + alcohol(last 3 weeks). I've a very autodestructive personality( tried to commit suicide 3 times by benzo + alcohol overdose when I was on cocaine).

Now this last three weeks I've started again taking more drugs (snorted ritalin) than alcohol, and I feel I'm going to the bottom again and autodestructio thoughts are coming again.

Over the last years I've been to many psicologists and psiquiatrist, been on antidepressant and other pills, but nothing worked.

I've been bullied since a kid (stopped at 17) and diagnosed with high IQ(you will think how can does be possible if you are stupid enough to take drugs...)

This is only a resume, if you need I can explain it more detailed.


Any thoughts,ideas,recomendations are welcome.

thanks everyone for listening, I needed to write this.

OCDDan

carefull, if ya fall and hit yer head you could die, honest. glad to see you here

ostate1fan

Im new to this online stuff..im a herion addict... i to have done a lot of different drugs...i understand ya.i jst dont know what to say to ya..im on the bottom myself

werdenfeller

I undestand, when you're there it's like: what now? keep falling or what?

Coldfusion

First off, welcome to SR and please tell us more.

Secondly, remember that these drugs don't work right when you drink or used drugs. It's good to work with a doctor through recovery.

werdenfeller

When I was at treatment I didn't do drugs(mainly because my parent made my drug tests and I've I failed they would kick me out of home.

lilgolden73

Welcome!!! I think I tend to have a self sabotage way as well! You have come to the right place, lots of support and info!! Good luck!

werdenfeller

I've taken paroxetine, valdoxan and topamax ( havig sleep problems)

Coldfusion

...I just Googled those...

Did you do any kind of follow-up after treatment, like NA? Have you looked at on-line support?

werdenfeller

Nope my therapeut reduced my dose progressivily,until I could get off.

Then I moved to another city,living free without parent controlling,starting a new life with new projects. But party many nights, alcohol, girls,etc. And this last three weeks I've started again with low doses of cocaine only 2 grams in a two weeks and when I round out I've started taking snorted ritalin like a maniac.

I'll do know if it matters but I'have antisocial personality disorder too, and in the past have some social anxiety problems because of the bullying.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!!! You will find lots of support and encouragement on here.

Coldfusion

Well, here's what I did to get sober.

I spent a week in detox, then went to AA and NA meetings every night. I am now at almost three months sober, and I have a strong feeling I won't have a problem again.

I also find SoberRecovery to be a good diversion (I'm unemployed and lazy).

werdenfeller

This has been my day 1 without anything, it's been hard, hope I stay this way