soberlicious

Indeed, it does work well tempoarily, but at the same time...it also exacerbates restlessness and anxiety. It's important to know that drinking will exaggerate any symptoms of ADD. It's a case of the "cure making one sicker".

Mecanix took the words out of my mouth "bored is a state of mind". I do not have diagnosed ADD, but I have serious issues with focus, and with moving from one task to another rapidly...often having several projects, or books, or other tasks all going at once. It can be uncomfortable for me at times, and unproductive, but more of a "spinning of my wheels" rather than boredom. My mind is constantly firing, I couldn't be bored even if I was sitting in a cardboard box alone. For me it's more about training, reining in my scattered thoughts. People successfully use meditation for this a lot.

I have to say as well, one needs to be careful with allowing the AV to use this as a "reason for drinking".

Gforce23

Are you sure you don't have a.d.d? Because that sounds like a good description to me...

However, I'm going to have to keep trying to get to the essence of what I mean by "boredom." So far through out this post, I've been figuring out through other people's response, what I don't mean by it. So far, I've figure out that I don't mean that I need to get out and make my life more exciting. I don't need to go sky diving, or tango dancing. Wait, check on Tango dancing. Still, not the point.

I'm talking about something else... In the morning and for most of my day, I'm sober. I feel fine. I don't feel "bored." Evening comes, the day is done, and I want a break from "mundane" reality. A reward for getting through banalities of the day--getting up, getting my kid to school, cleaning the house, paying bills, walking the dogs, making dinner for the 100,000 time in a row for everyone--I'm looking for a "high" plain and simple I guess. When I think about life without drinking, for some reason I see life endlessly stretching out before me with out any real "highs." Just an endless stream of banal "reality."

It's sad, I'm sure that I feel this way, and hopefully, it isn't true. But I can't help from fearing it at the moment. Now, before everyone jumps all over me for speaking my truth, let me assure everyone that I know intellectually, that this idea is "false." I'm just bein' real about what I feel.

I was completely sober when I was pregnant, and I do remember getting used to it at some point, with out craving that need for an end of the day reality break brought to you by beer. Or wine.

Gforce23

I didn't get to edit my last post!!!

In any case, I'm not using any of what I'm feeling here as an excuse for drinking. I'm just... acknowledging my fear and my feelings and that's it.
I've probably just trained my brain over the years to look forward to the high of drinking, and now it's now I'm having a hard time imagining just plain ol' reality.
I'll never know if reality stops feeling "banal" to me if I don't stop drinking and give it a chance.

So I'm going to give it a chance.

Cheers.

Coldfusion

I found that the fear of banality was much worse than the reality.

There is not a lot of work around here. I am going to have to get another menial job. But without that alcohol-warped attitude, I don't get all wrapped up in the banality, so it isn't a problem.

Fitness1234

Force..I feel the same way you do....I get bored so I go back to drinking but then I'm a miserable from drinking..it feels like a lose lose.. last month I went about two weeks WO any alcohol...I felt great but also felt depressed. I am sick of the back and forth. Tomorrow will be day one again

Gforce23

You know, the sad fact is, I could be sitting on a stone step on Machu Pichu, watching the sun set on the surrounding peaks, and I would think, "this is an excellent time for a beer." In fact, if some one didn't have a beer, I'd be hard pressed to enjoy the experience with out it for a while--and that IS SAD.

So, I'm hoping my fear of the The "banality of Reality"....is just that after a while, fear.

Cheers.

Startingover444

Hi G Force, you are right, the banality of reality (love that phrase ) is more fear than reality, but it does take us some time to a) come to terms with not drinking and then b) finding new ways to enjoy our time. Sometimes they dont come simultaneously. However, they do come. I can honestly say I rarely think about drinking now. Yes, sometimes I do want to change the wayI feel or I am bored, but the desire to EVERYTHING with a drink has well and truly gone.

SoberMan2012

G Force, I have started drinking again and enjoy it. For what its worth. Here is an out of the box tune. Think for yourself.

Cherokee Nation-Paul Revere and The Raiders - YouTube

renaldo

That dovetails so close with my experience that I had to laugh. I got the beer out of my mind with awesome backpacking trips, but as soon as I got back into civilization, I didn't mess around with bars. I went to the first store (and the only store) where I could buy beer. Unfortunately this was arctic Scandinavia and on Sunday they could only legally sell low alcohol beer at a whopping price. Heck, regular alcohol beer is like drinking water for me, so low alcohol beer would have been a complete waste of money.

If nothing else, I'm frugal. I bit the bullet and waited, counting every residual coin that I had until I got back to where it was affordable... and then thanked my lucky stars that I had been away from beer long enough that my tolerance had gone down and I could get by with less. Ye-hah!

I'm joking of course. This is clearly alcoholic thinking.

renaldo

And I do share your concerns about the banality of reality in spades. Nice turn of phrase which encapsulates the conundrum perfectly.

But if what we're doing isn't providing satisfaction, then trying something different is the next step. Plenty of people come back here to reaffirm that there is a different life and a good one that one couldn't have imagined.

Fingers crossed.

Gforce23

O.K, so not sure what to make of this response. Is this good ol' reverse psychology? I'm not sure this is helpful to me, but glad your enjoying yourself...I don't want permission to drink. Of course I'll enjoy it, maybe for weeks or even months,....until I get blacked out drunk again and wake up feeling like I was hit by a train.

Renaldo and Startingover444, BINGO! Now I we're getting somewhere!

It's taken me a lot of thought to get down to what I really meant by the term "boredom," and your posts are a sign that I'm finally on the mark in explaining myself. It feels like I've been playing a game of "20 Questions" with everyone, except that I didn't even know what answer I was looking for!

I'm glad to know that you understand what I'm feeling, and I'm equally as glad to know that the feeling fades over time. So, that's what I'm going to give it--time.

Thanks, this is getting more and more interesting.

Cheers!

Coldfusion

Hi gforce,

Did you go to that meeting last night?

My wife and I went to the regular AA meeting, and the topic was "Anonymity." Several people gave the same advice I did a couple days ago--just park somewhere else. But then someone pointed out that the "secret" parking places were also where people parked when they didn't want anyone to know they were at a bar. I shared that when anonymity came up previously at meetings, it was pointed out that there was a difference between "anonymity" and "confidentiality."

Afterwards, I went to meet with my sponsor. Strangely, he showed off his new sauna and I saw the rest of his home for the first time. Then, and I hope this is helpful to you, this is today's inspirational reading:

TEARS/BODY

The body is full of stuffed tears. Tears of grief and tears of rage and the steam makes the body cry. Then the body is ready to receive love.
--Angeline Locey, Hawai'ian Healer.

Many native cultures include steam baths as part of the natural healing process and ongoing care of the body.

We store so much in the body. We eat too much, and we put in foods that are too fat, too sweet, too artificial, and we expect the body to receive all of this with no help. We put in feelings and emotions that we don't know how to process, or that we've forgotten how or refuse to, process. Slowly the body becomes "stuffed" with "tears."

We need to give the body the opportunity to cleanse itself. We need to rid ourselves of stored-up grief and rage so we that have the opportunity to receive what is there for us.

***When I confuse being stuffed with being contented, I have some learning to do. I can start by letting my body cleanse itself.***

Anne Wilson Schaef, Native Wisdom for White Minds
Ballantine: 1995.

soberlicious

LOL I said I don't have "diagnosed" ADD, but yeah, I'm sure I probably do. My son does, and so have many of the students I've worked with over my 25 years in education. One thing I've learned is not to put too much into a label or a diagnosis. It's the behaviors that matter, and ADD manifests differently in different people and behaviors change according to variables. In your case, you just recently quit, so that's one of the variables you need to take into account. The way you feel isn't always the way you are going to feel. See how things shake out over time.

Even though many of us have been missing the mark with responses, I'm glad it's been helpful for you to clarify what you're experiencing.

Gforce23

In answer to your first question, no...I didn't go to the meeting. However, I will be going to a Women's meeting tonight in town, and after that, I probably won't chicken out on the "homegroup" meeting. It should be noted that I have yet to pick up a drink.

And, before I give an answer to your hoping that your "inspirational" reading was helpful, let me say this: Coldfusion, I hope that in this journey of mine, that I can find some one around such as yourself, who is capable of balancing a witty sense of humor and lightheartedness, with the seriousness needed to tackle changing your life. After all, in the immortal words of Bill Hicks "It's just a ride."

Yes, it did indeed help.

The truth is, that I'm not looking for "gratitude platitudes," to change my "attitude."

I'm looking for a Koan.

Gforce23

Ha! Well, personally, I found that it is helpful for me to know what I was dealing with in terms of my ADHD. I found that learning about how my ADHD affects me in my life helped me put my behaviors in context. Now that know the name of the beast I'm dealing with, I'm better able at coming up with strategies to deal with the trouble spots it present. Not the least of which, It helped me put my life experiences (AKA, painful struggles) into perspective, which allowed me to forgive myself for what I previously did not know. P.S, if your son has it, chances are good, you do to.

And, in terms of people "missing the mark" it's quite all right, it was moving target after all. I didn't even know where the bulls eye was until someone hit it.

Cheers!

soberlicious

Agreed, but as I said, it doesn't matter to me. Between my children and I, we have diagnoses galore. In fact, my autistic son's behaviors often mirror those of ADD (side note, the H is not used anymore, not in our system here anyway...). I am more intent on examining my behaviors and how they impact my life. Too much emphasis on a diagnosis and we can become the diagnosis.

Gforce23

Maybe I'll start another thread about this but until then my two cents are:

If you don't know the biology of A.D.D, and how it affects your "behaviors" you may go on erroneously blaming yourself or at least taking to much responsibility for that behavior (or symptoms, such as distractibility, inattention, and impulsivity.) You might be viewing them as character issues rather than what they are.

Just thought--but if it's not affecting your life that much, than don't worry about it--maybe you've figured out some coping mechanisms that work for you all on your own.

Also, a lot of "____orders" run in families. OCD, touretts, and A.D.D for instance have been found to be related. They all based on slightly malfunctioning frontal lobes--the area of "executive functioning."
Funny, a long time ago it was called A.D.D, then the "H" was added, and that was commonly how it was referred to. I must be out of loop if it's changed back. That would make sense, as not everyone has the "H" part.

Cheers.

soberlicious

That's true. I've also personally experienced the other side of that same coin as well, putting too much responsibility on the diagnosis. Just sharing thoughts from my perspective. If I poked your beehive, it wasn't intentional. I'll refrain for now. I hope you find your koan, and in turn some relief. xo

Gforce23

What? Poked my beehive? Did I come across prickly? I sure didn't mean to.

I feel passionate about it, because I've had a long, hard, tough road that hasn't even ended yet, to accept myself the way I am and forgive myself for the past. It sounds like you've had some measure of success in your life, if your a teacher. (?) And so, it's not as much of an issue for you.
My life has been more like dangerous stroll through a dark alley than a walk in the park (though not suggesting that yours was!)
I had a lot of trouble in school. I had an unhappy home life in my high school years, and began failing school completely, I dropped out and started what can only be described as a marginal--however interesting--life of struggle. That's not saying it's all been bad, because it hasn't.
However, the fact that the only "ism" I've acquired at this point is the "alcohol" one, is some kind of miracle: I've been homeless punk rocker on the streets of San Fransisco who hung out with junkies, tweekers, prostitutes, and strippers. Now granted, that's ancient history, but I'd say that the past decade or wasn't far removed. I've marginally housed, and marginally employed for most of my life. I've been fired from about 99 jobs, and I've never graduated from anything but eight grade. I have above average intelligence and above average talents and I've never been able to put them to the kind of use that the world deserves to see.
So, if I don't find a way to forgive myself for a past that I've often likened to a "Bone Yard" of mistakes, I'll never make it to the next level.

So, it's less about you than it is about me.

Cheers!

Gforce23

Soberlicious, you did at all poke my beehive!

I feel passionate about the subject, because I've had a long, hard, tough road to hoe to accept myself the way I am and forgive myself for the past. It sounds like you've had some measure of success in your life, if your a teacher. (?) And so, maybe it's not as much of an issue for you.

My life has been more like dangerous stroll through a dark alley than a walk in the park (though not suggesting that yours was--I just liked the metaphor
I had a lot of trouble in school. I had an unhappy home life in my high school years, and began failing school completely, I dropped out and started what can only be described as a marginal--however interesting--life of struggle. That's not saying it's all been bad, because it hasn't.

However, the fact that the only "ism" I've acquired at this point is the "alcohol" one, is some kind of miracle: I've been homeless punk rocker on the streets of San Fransisco who hung out with junkies, tweekers, prostitutes, and strippers. Now granted, that's ancient history, but I'd say that the past decade or wasn't far removed. I've marginally housed, and marginally employed for most of my life. I've been fired from about 99 jobs, and I've never graduated from anything but eight grade. I have above average intelligence and above average talents and I've never been able to put them to the kind of use that the world deserves to see.

So, if I don't find a way to forgive myself for a past that I've often likened to a "Bone Yard" of mistakes, I'll never make it to the next level.

So, it's less about you than it is about me, and while A.D.D. surely does not explain all of the above, it is at least one part of the picture, and If I can take some of the blame and shame off myself, than I can stop feeling like sh*t for it all. Of course, you can't use your diagnosis as an "excuse" for everything in your life, but if I find if I don't forgive myself for failings that I didn't do anything to create, I'll just go back to that black hole of depression that's taken me a while to climb out of.

Now, on a much more positive note, thanks for hanging around my thread and giving positive feedback. I mean it!