Semi-Frequent Blackout Drinker: quit completely or "control it"?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by PeacefulRain 
I started getting to the point of drinking a "small" amount (for me anyway) and I wasn't blacking out but I really had to think about what I did in order to remember the next day.
When hubs and I would go out for dinner I always had 2 drinks and that was it BUT my oh my did I want more! I felt like by only having those 2 drinks I was proving I wasn't an alcoholic. That's the furthest thing from the truth!
When hubs and I would go out for dinner I always had 2 drinks and that was it BUT my oh my did I want more! I felt like by only having those 2 drinks I was proving I wasn't an alcoholic. That's the furthest thing from the truth!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't know that I ever had a blackout, personally, though I did have "brownouts" where I couldn't remember the details about conversations I had and things that I did. I'd have a vague memory of them, but that would be it.
I know that many experts consider blackouts to be a decidedly ABNORMAL reaction to alcohol, and some diagnose alcoholism based on that, alone.
I tried very hard for a long time (four and a half years) to moderate my drinking. Like you, I could do it some of the time. And I could limit my intake for discrete periods. But eventually those periods would end and I would have almost a boomerang effect where I drank even more, as if I needed to make up for it.
Moderation got me nowhere. Quitting drinking was a huge relief because I no longer had to worry about whether, or how much, I could get away with drinking.
I know that many experts consider blackouts to be a decidedly ABNORMAL reaction to alcohol, and some diagnose alcoholism based on that, alone.
I tried very hard for a long time (four and a half years) to moderate my drinking. Like you, I could do it some of the time. And I could limit my intake for discrete periods. But eventually those periods would end and I would have almost a boomerang effect where I drank even more, as if I needed to make up for it.
Moderation got me nowhere. Quitting drinking was a huge relief because I no longer had to worry about whether, or how much, I could get away with drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Lots of good advice here. I'd try stopping for six months and see how you feel about it then. I too tried to moderate my drinking - never worked too long.
It's easier for me to just not drink at all.
It's easier for me to just not drink at all. 
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
Congratulations on 10 days sober!
Dear PJ, you have already stopped drinking. Please think about how you feel each day when you wake up and KNOW that you didn't blackout last night, or get sloppy drunk, or end up in some strangers house, or fall down and hurt yourself or anything else that would be embarrassing or put people off.
You can STOP.... you ALREADY HAVE!
After reading this entire thread, it is obvious to me that stopping now is the best option for you. Please consider getting to an AA meeting. You dont have to say anything if you dont want to and you will learn some great tools to help you remain sober.
Blacking out is not something to take lightly and the ONLY way to make sure it does not happen again is to not drink. Simple really... just dont take that first drink.
10 days is something to be proud of, keep it going.
You can STOP.... you ALREADY HAVE!
After reading this entire thread, it is obvious to me that stopping now is the best option for you. Please consider getting to an AA meeting. You dont have to say anything if you dont want to and you will learn some great tools to help you remain sober.
Blacking out is not something to take lightly and the ONLY way to make sure it does not happen again is to not drink. Simple really... just dont take that first drink.
10 days is something to be proud of, keep it going.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5
Been there done that
PJ... I'm here because I started where you are at.
Since arriving at college at 17 years old I have experienced countless blackouts. 15 years later it has gotten worse. In the last 5 years I have gone through 2 serious alcoholic phases, each escalated to including hiding alcohol, sneak drinking, driving while under the influence and making my husband deal with the aftermath too many times.
When I was pregnant I found sobriety and it was the best time in my life. I am so angry at myself for going back to the bottle to cope with the stresses in my life. A few binges ago should have been enough to set me straight, but still I gave in to the bottle. Most recently I remember asking myself what it was going to take to make me stop down the path I was headed. And 7 nights ago it happened... I became belligerent towards my husband, who had been taking care of me and my son as I recovered from foot surgery. I said things I did not mean and behaved in a deplorable manner. The next morning I woke up still feeling angry at HIM!! When he told me the details of how I had behaved and how I was a mean person who needed help I knew it was time.
I am starting an outpatient treatment program and finally getting the help that I have been denying I needed for nearly 15 years!! People like us do not know how to set limits, at least permanently! And I do not want alcohol to be the reason why I lose my wonderful family. My husband was willing to forgive and support me through the recovery process, even though I still think he has some denial about me truly being an alcoholic...
After exploring treatment options and speaking to a few counselors who are recovering I have learned that alcoholism is a progressive disease, meaning it gets worse, from losing jobs, loved ones, homes, health, etc. It doesn't necessarily happen immediately but if you don't seek help it becomes inevitable.
As scared as I am to be getting help I am also optimistic that I can do it!!
Best of luck to you!
Since arriving at college at 17 years old I have experienced countless blackouts. 15 years later it has gotten worse. In the last 5 years I have gone through 2 serious alcoholic phases, each escalated to including hiding alcohol, sneak drinking, driving while under the influence and making my husband deal with the aftermath too many times.
When I was pregnant I found sobriety and it was the best time in my life. I am so angry at myself for going back to the bottle to cope with the stresses in my life. A few binges ago should have been enough to set me straight, but still I gave in to the bottle. Most recently I remember asking myself what it was going to take to make me stop down the path I was headed. And 7 nights ago it happened... I became belligerent towards my husband, who had been taking care of me and my son as I recovered from foot surgery. I said things I did not mean and behaved in a deplorable manner. The next morning I woke up still feeling angry at HIM!! When he told me the details of how I had behaved and how I was a mean person who needed help I knew it was time.
I am starting an outpatient treatment program and finally getting the help that I have been denying I needed for nearly 15 years!! People like us do not know how to set limits, at least permanently! And I do not want alcohol to be the reason why I lose my wonderful family. My husband was willing to forgive and support me through the recovery process, even though I still think he has some denial about me truly being an alcoholic...
After exploring treatment options and speaking to a few counselors who are recovering I have learned that alcoholism is a progressive disease, meaning it gets worse, from losing jobs, loved ones, homes, health, etc. It doesn't necessarily happen immediately but if you don't seek help it becomes inevitable.
As scared as I am to be getting help I am also optimistic that I can do it!!
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Natom
You remind me of myself. When I drank or used drugs bad things would happen and I would want to stop but then a few days later I'd be off the idea. If you drink and blackout...and bad things happen, then you may be an alcoholic. You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. You just have to be allergic to the stuff. I hope you find what you're looking for whatever the case may be.
Natom.
Natom.
Im on day 9 of my very first TRUEattempt of quitting, of truely accepting that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC!..my blackouts started about ten years ago (my late 30,s) At first it was a bit of a laugh between my friends and I - "hey, what did I do - no, really, giggle giggle - I cant remeber"...then it progressed to waking to see a scabbed up face in the mirror, a bruise or two I couldnt explain, people not talking to me and I didnt know why until I heard the full embarrising story of what I had said or done the night before!! Really sweetpea, once it starts - in my experience - it only gets worse.
Natom, you are only the second person ever I have heard use the word Allergic to the stuff!! I first heard this in my 20,s when I was attending a works xmas party and one of my elder collegues refused a drink as she was allergic to the stuff..I remeber thinking, thats an odd one, but have since thought many times what a good way of abstaining when out in a group - who can argue or manipulate you after saying that!! I will be happy to use this tool..quick, to the point and no ones gonna argue with that right??
Wishing you all the love and support to help you through this pumpkinjuice - the AV monkey will give you a really hard time at the moment - it will justify everything you throw at it...mines already starting this morning...last day of work for 2 days..surely I deserve a bottle of wine!! I hate it, I wonder - why me? - it doesnt seems fair BUT its just the way it is...today is gonna be a long day Im so glad to have found these lovely people here on SR...Good luck, be kind to yourself...baby steps
Huh?
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
You are developing an allergy to alcohol. I did. Your body and brain do not process it in a healthy way & it threatens your life. If you realize you're allergic, it makes it a lot less overwhelming to say "I don't drink" "I'll never drink again" "I'm not a drinker" "drinking isn't an option for me"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 20
Pumpkin juice, this thread has been so unbelievably helpful to me. I am a drinker just like you, and am struggling to admit to myself that I am an alcoholic and that I need to stop. I first posted here in the beginning of December after a horrific blackout. I quit for 25 days, made it through several Xmas parties without a drop. I caved on Christmas with a few glasses of wine, and thought - "hey, I can drink normally, let's give this a try." Completely blacked out again on New Years Eve. Apparently I was funny and charming and confident, but I don't remember one single detail. What's worse, I am 44 years old with two small kids and they were both awake and at the party too. This kills me. Once again, I felt totally humiliated, ashamed and out of control. Everyone else had a great time, why did I have to take it to the blackout level?? After NY, I stopped for a few days, then have had a few glasses of wine here and there since then. I have been on SR every day, reading and knowing that I need to stop. I have a terrible sense of foreboding about the next time, because I KNOW there will be one, and it will be worse. Reading your post and all the replies here is helping me realize that this needs to be the end. I haven't had a drink in 5 days now, and I am going to do my absolute best to make this my real stop. We can do this together!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
You don't have to ride the garbage truck all the way to the dump. You can get off any time.
"I can remember crying in the bathroom to my best friend that “I do not want to be this way”." Try to remember that night because it's going to get worse.
If you can drink like a normal person then do it. If you can't then you have 2 choices. 1) Stay sober 2) Be an alcoholic. Now, that's a buzz-kill !
All the best.
Bob R
"I can remember crying in the bathroom to my best friend that “I do not want to be this way”." Try to remember that night because it's going to get worse.
If you can drink like a normal person then do it. If you can't then you have 2 choices. 1) Stay sober 2) Be an alcoholic. Now, that's a buzz-kill !
All the best.
Bob R
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