new- help/advice needed!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
new- help/advice needed!
Hey there everyone, ive visited before but never had the courage to post, i think ive finally reached the point where i have accepted i do have a problem with alcohol even though i have tried so many times and ways to convince myself otherwise.
so heres my story and hope its not too long where people are put off reading but i would like to get as much info out there so maybes people could give opinions/ advice and hopefully relate!
so i had my first drink about 16 (im 28 now) and was instantly drawn to the experience, at this point in my life my best friends parents were managers of a bar so on a weekend we would sneak drinks upstairs to the flat above on a weekend and get drunk! from then on all social situations revolved around drink, i started collage and the goal was to get as drunk as possible and basically get in the most crazy, random situations, it was applauded between friends, like who had the story to tell at the end off the weekend ( I was very good at this and developed a reputation of getting into the worst states, craziest situations and basically making a fool off myself!) and as i mentioned at the start it was like a medal, but as time went on i felt more regret and shame) over the years ive had many very short attempts of sobriety, never intending to quit completly but to return as a more social drinker, go out have a few beers and enjoy myself, this never really works and i once i have a few beers that's it i just keep going till i cant physically drink anymore, make a fool off myself eventhough i dont usually remember what has happend towards the end of the night!
my latest attempt after a month sober i tried this method again, (ov course i failed) im back to square one but ive found my self being more decietful and lying about how often im drinking, saying im working late but really sneaking to the pub for a few (or 6, or 8) before i finally make it home, trying to hide/deny it and not really a very happy, a moody generally unpleasent person to be around!
so here i am, trying an atempt at being sober again, its been 3 days so far but the fear is starting to get me, i think its the fear of saying never again to a drink as its been a major part of my life for 12 years ( but i know i can not just have a couple), the majority of my friends and social life revolve around it and although i have accepted i have a problem its the fear off making other people aware i have a problem that im affraid off, it feel shameful and weak for me to admit to people, im from the uk and its what people do, go out and get pissed out there faces on a weekend so ive tried to convince myself im normal, its just my culture, its what everyone else does but i know deep down im just lying to myself!
Thanks for listening and please advise, im just hoping someone can relate to my situation so can talk about this and not keep it bottled up!
x
so heres my story and hope its not too long where people are put off reading but i would like to get as much info out there so maybes people could give opinions/ advice and hopefully relate!
so i had my first drink about 16 (im 28 now) and was instantly drawn to the experience, at this point in my life my best friends parents were managers of a bar so on a weekend we would sneak drinks upstairs to the flat above on a weekend and get drunk! from then on all social situations revolved around drink, i started collage and the goal was to get as drunk as possible and basically get in the most crazy, random situations, it was applauded between friends, like who had the story to tell at the end off the weekend ( I was very good at this and developed a reputation of getting into the worst states, craziest situations and basically making a fool off myself!) and as i mentioned at the start it was like a medal, but as time went on i felt more regret and shame) over the years ive had many very short attempts of sobriety, never intending to quit completly but to return as a more social drinker, go out have a few beers and enjoy myself, this never really works and i once i have a few beers that's it i just keep going till i cant physically drink anymore, make a fool off myself eventhough i dont usually remember what has happend towards the end of the night!
my latest attempt after a month sober i tried this method again, (ov course i failed) im back to square one but ive found my self being more decietful and lying about how often im drinking, saying im working late but really sneaking to the pub for a few (or 6, or 8) before i finally make it home, trying to hide/deny it and not really a very happy, a moody generally unpleasent person to be around!
so here i am, trying an atempt at being sober again, its been 3 days so far but the fear is starting to get me, i think its the fear of saying never again to a drink as its been a major part of my life for 12 years ( but i know i can not just have a couple), the majority of my friends and social life revolve around it and although i have accepted i have a problem its the fear off making other people aware i have a problem that im affraid off, it feel shameful and weak for me to admit to people, im from the uk and its what people do, go out and get pissed out there faces on a weekend so ive tried to convince myself im normal, its just my culture, its what everyone else does but i know deep down im just lying to myself!
Thanks for listening and please advise, im just hoping someone can relate to my situation so can talk about this and not keep it bottled up!
x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 365
Instead of the thought of never, why not just decide to not drink today? Then tomorrow you can wake up and do it again... For me that is much less overwhelming than saying never. I haven't been able to stay sober for more than 6 years at a time using this method but it has managed to keep me sober most of my adult life...
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
On-line Plan for Life
Attend a SoberRecovery meeting daily. If needed, attend other meetings on-line or in-person also.
Participate in the forum. The more you give, the more you get!
Introduce yourself to another person at SoberRecovery. Do this until you know three people to say "Hi" to when you log on again.
PM two SoberRecovery members. Explain you are new and just want to practice using the system. Ask about good threads to read. Or just say hello--it might make their day!
Select a mentor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice a program of your choice. He/she should be able to guide you through the program and be reasonably available.
Start you day by acknowledging your higher power and ask for guidance. Close your day with gratitude for your sobriety and any other gifts which came your way.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes a day to read an inspirational text. Increase the time as your brain waves begin to level.
Allow yourself time to rest each day. Eat nutritiously on a regular basis.
Take time out when your emotions are on a major high or low. Balance is the goal.
Ask for serenity from your higher power. The "Serenity Prayer" has saved many.
Remember, prayer is the telephone to your higher power. How will you know he answers if you don't call?
PM your mentor or email a friend when you are out of sync.
Write about your feelings in a blog.
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
(with thanks to the Lake Chelan Community Hospital dual-diagnosis recovery program)
Attend a SoberRecovery meeting daily. If needed, attend other meetings on-line or in-person also.
Participate in the forum. The more you give, the more you get!
Introduce yourself to another person at SoberRecovery. Do this until you know three people to say "Hi" to when you log on again.
PM two SoberRecovery members. Explain you are new and just want to practice using the system. Ask about good threads to read. Or just say hello--it might make their day!
Select a mentor as soon as possible. The person should have at least one year consecutive sobriety and know and practice a program of your choice. He/she should be able to guide you through the program and be reasonably available.
Start you day by acknowledging your higher power and ask for guidance. Close your day with gratitude for your sobriety and any other gifts which came your way.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes a day to read an inspirational text. Increase the time as your brain waves begin to level.
Allow yourself time to rest each day. Eat nutritiously on a regular basis.
Take time out when your emotions are on a major high or low. Balance is the goal.
Ask for serenity from your higher power. The "Serenity Prayer" has saved many.
Remember, prayer is the telephone to your higher power. How will you know he answers if you don't call?
PM your mentor or email a friend when you are out of sync.
Write about your feelings in a blog.
Make a list of the options that help you when you get into the trapped feelings. Make the list when you are feeling free.
Make notes that inspire your recovery and place them in conspicuous places. It might help prevent you from a relapse.
Remember that a compulsion only lasts forever if you give in to it.
(with thanks to the Lake Chelan Community Hospital dual-diagnosis recovery program)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Welcome MrKrinkle! (primus reference?)
I am sober 4.5 years thanks to AA. Grateful for every bit of it. I can relate totally to the fear you're talking about. Alcohol was a huge part of my life. The only answer I had to the unmanageable internal condition that I felt when sober. I was always uncomfortable in my own skin unless I was drunk. I have now recovered and no longer find sobriety to be a cross to bear. AA gave me sobriety as well as a new way of life which is infinitely greater than my former.
I wish you the best. Hope you find some help here!
I am sober 4.5 years thanks to AA. Grateful for every bit of it. I can relate totally to the fear you're talking about. Alcohol was a huge part of my life. The only answer I had to the unmanageable internal condition that I felt when sober. I was always uncomfortable in my own skin unless I was drunk. I have now recovered and no longer find sobriety to be a cross to bear. AA gave me sobriety as well as a new way of life which is infinitely greater than my former.
I wish you the best. Hope you find some help here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
thanks for all your great advice i will get on with this as soon as possible!
The only problem i have is with the "higher power" as im not a religious person or do i believe in a higher power, but i imagine that could be interpreted subjectivly, thanks for the advice anyway
The only problem i have is with the "higher power" as im not a religious person or do i believe in a higher power, but i imagine that could be interpreted subjectivly, thanks for the advice anyway
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Finger Lakes, NY
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by Wifi 
Instead of the thought of never, why not just decide to not drink today? Then tomorrow you can wake up and do it again... For me that is much less overwhelming than saying never. I haven't been able to stay sober for more than 6 years at a time using this method but it has managed to keep me sober most of my adult life...
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Originally Posted by mrkrinkle
The only problem i have is with the "higher power" as im not a religious person or do i believe in a higher power, but i imagine that could be interpreted subjectivly, thanks for the advice anyway
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Mrkrinkle 
I wish I could abate your fear on this one. Thing is when drinking has been a part of your life for so long it's scary to give it up. At some point though it becomes a necessity and the fear becomes irrelevant. I am only a few years older than you and I had to give up drinking when I did. I always thought that if it started to effect my health then I'd quit. Turned out it wasn't so easy. Even with really good reasons to quit the fear will still be there. It's what keeps so many people drinking for so long.
The positive in this though is that you don't have to let fear control your life. I wasn't able to quit before I came here and had the example of other people who had quit and were happy about it. That was very inspiring. I'm in the UK too and my life revolved around drinking. I always said I got my job because of my drinking ability, all my colleagues and friends are big drinkers. My entire social life takes place in pubs. But all the while I was keeping up this image of the sociable drinker I was drinking secretly and it was destroying my health and any self worth I may have had. It has been hard to quit but it has been the best thing I have ever done. It took a while to get comfortable I must say. I was very skittish around people drinking and questioning me about it. My advice would be to avoid those situations as much as possible because there will come a time where you a comfortable sober, even in drinking situations and you won't feel left out or unsociable. And you won't feel any shame either. The further away you get from your last drink this just vanishes. There is a huge sense of pride in maintaining sobriety.
You'll find lots of ideas to help you here, there are many different recovery methods (AA, AVRT, SMARTrecovery) and even just SR in itself. Posting in a 'Class of ...' thread really helped me stay accountable and is great for support.
Glad you're here x
I wish I could abate your fear on this one. Thing is when drinking has been a part of your life for so long it's scary to give it up. At some point though it becomes a necessity and the fear becomes irrelevant. I am only a few years older than you and I had to give up drinking when I did. I always thought that if it started to effect my health then I'd quit. Turned out it wasn't so easy. Even with really good reasons to quit the fear will still be there. It's what keeps so many people drinking for so long.
The positive in this though is that you don't have to let fear control your life. I wasn't able to quit before I came here and had the example of other people who had quit and were happy about it. That was very inspiring. I'm in the UK too and my life revolved around drinking. I always said I got my job because of my drinking ability, all my colleagues and friends are big drinkers. My entire social life takes place in pubs. But all the while I was keeping up this image of the sociable drinker I was drinking secretly and it was destroying my health and any self worth I may have had. It has been hard to quit but it has been the best thing I have ever done. It took a while to get comfortable I must say. I was very skittish around people drinking and questioning me about it. My advice would be to avoid those situations as much as possible because there will come a time where you a comfortable sober, even in drinking situations and you won't feel left out or unsociable. And you won't feel any shame either. The further away you get from your last drink this just vanishes. There is a huge sense of pride in maintaining sobriety.
You'll find lots of ideas to help you here, there are many different recovery methods (AA, AVRT, SMARTrecovery) and even just SR in itself. Posting in a 'Class of ...' thread really helped me stay accountable and is great for support.
Glad you're here x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 5
thanks hypochondriac for your post, i dont want to suffer from any health problems due to my drinking either but i suppose its a ticking time bomb waiting to go off and could happen any time if i choose to continue down this road! I wouldn't consider myself physically addicited but i do understand it is gradual and very subtle process and i am displaying patterns in my behaviour that will most likely take me there! at the the end off the day you dont have a your first drink and then wake up the next day a full blown alcoholic, it takes years and i have quite a few under my belt allready!
i will look into the groups that have been sugested by everyone and thanks again!
i will look into the groups that have been sugested by everyone and thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Mr Krinkle,
i am going to ecco the thoughts og the other posters I will tell you if I was told by my addiction counselor that I was never going to be able to drink again for the rest of my life, I would be dead by now, because I would never have been able to do it using that thought process.
She just told me to not drink until our next appt. and see if I could do it. Very smart of her, since I was stupid enough to believe if I could go for 9 days, she would say: o|Oh you have not had a drink since our last appt,great , your not an alcoholic so keep on drinkin! She said to just think about not drinking for the day, and then do the same thing the next. Do not think about the nine days.
Of course by the time I had 9 days under my belt she kept giving me new time goals, and waala! Before I knew it I had broken the cycle and really just continued doing what I had been doing. She was smart--Thank God I was dumb!
i am going to ecco the thoughts og the other posters I will tell you if I was told by my addiction counselor that I was never going to be able to drink again for the rest of my life, I would be dead by now, because I would never have been able to do it using that thought process.
She just told me to not drink until our next appt. and see if I could do it. Very smart of her, since I was stupid enough to believe if I could go for 9 days, she would say: o|Oh you have not had a drink since our last appt,great , your not an alcoholic so keep on drinkin! She said to just think about not drinking for the day, and then do the same thing the next. Do not think about the nine days.
Of course by the time I had 9 days under my belt she kept giving me new time goals, and waala! Before I knew it I had broken the cycle and really just continued doing what I had been doing. She was smart--Thank God I was dumb!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Hi mrkrinkle. You already have some good responses, but I wanted to welcome you. This is a great place - it helped me feel calmer and more comfortable about quitting. I was so scared to let go of it in the beginning.
Not keeping things bottled up helps so much, and I'm glad to see you've shared a lot of your story. You aren't alone with this - we all understand. Congratulations on your 3 days! You can do this.
This is a great place - it helped me feel calmer and more comfortable about quitting. I was so scared to let go of it in the beginning.Not keeping things bottled up helps so much, and I'm glad to see you've shared a lot of your story. You aren't alone with this - we all understand. Congratulations on your 3 days! You can do this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
