Rock bottom.
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
Buns i know that feeling after a few months the novelty wears off and the mind has a way of telling us that we are now cured. Have you read books on alcoholism? Some great books are: under the influence, sober for good another great book is rational recovery!
Have you tried AA?? I find keeping a daily journal very helpful writing down my feelings etc and when feeling the urge to drink read back at the entries at the beginning to see how bad you felt! Try posting on here as well as reading lots of post there is a wealth of knowledge here
Have you tried AA?? I find keeping a daily journal very helpful writing down my feelings etc and when feeling the urge to drink read back at the entries at the beginning to see how bad you felt! Try posting on here as well as reading lots of post there is a wealth of knowledge here
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 441
I have been in your position before, where I have some nights that are genuinely fun and I don’t get too out of hand. Then there were the nights where I would get sh*tfaced, act stupidly, and wake up with a killer hang over. It can be confusing because you always want to convince yourself that if you are at some times able to drink without anything eventful happening, why not just make yourself stick to that? That is what kept me going back for so long. This is my second attempt at sobriety and I am on day 20, so very new as well. One thing I read on this board that has helped me is to “meditate” on a really bad hang over that you’ve had, or a time that you felt worthless due to your drinking, so that once you are feeling all better again, you don’t forget where alcohol landed you. Posting and reading on here has helped me tremendously.
A quote a saw the other day, for you: “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” - J.K. Rowling
A quote a saw the other day, for you: “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” - J.K. Rowling
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Buns 
Hi Lionhearted1,
Im trying to figure out what to change and how to do it. I dont have a problem with not drinking the first couple of months. Infact I find it quite empowering. The guilt keeps me away from the booze... Well, until like you say - its fades. I start back with one or two drinks on a night out. Limit myself, stick to drinks I know dont affect me, give myself a pat on the back each time I manage to have a few drinks without saying or doing anything bad.. (notice how, now its 'a few drinks').
It will eventually creep up on me to the point I am waking up thinking, I know, I will have a baileys in my coffee and I am doing that everyday. The cycle only stops once something dreadful has happened. If I dont break the cycle I am going to have no quality of life what-so-ever.
I feel very alone, the guilt is overwhelming.
Im trying to figure out what to change and how to do it. I dont have a problem with not drinking the first couple of months. Infact I find it quite empowering. The guilt keeps me away from the booze... Well, until like you say - its fades. I start back with one or two drinks on a night out. Limit myself, stick to drinks I know dont affect me, give myself a pat on the back each time I manage to have a few drinks without saying or doing anything bad.. (notice how, now its 'a few drinks').
It will eventually creep up on me to the point I am waking up thinking, I know, I will have a baileys in my coffee and I am doing that everyday. The cycle only stops once something dreadful has happened. If I dont break the cycle I am going to have no quality of life what-so-ever.
I feel very alone, the guilt is overwhelming.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
You can do this! Just have a plan, doesn't matter what that plan is, therapy, AA, AVRT, etc just get one. Personally, I am going through AA and after a month of it, I feel like a different person.
Best of luck!
Best of luck!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Great decision. Great you are here.
Take a photo of him like this and keep it in your wallet. At the moment that is likely to seem like a traumatic and repulsive idea. It will come in use if later one you think you have matured/ moved on/ have less stresses....................and can have a drink occasionally.
Take a photo of him like this and keep it in your wallet. At the moment that is likely to seem like a traumatic and repulsive idea. It will come in use if later one you think you have matured/ moved on/ have less stresses....................and can have a drink occasionally.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 23
Buns, I have been there. On my last drunk I came out of a blackout to find my wife and daughter (who was 16 at the time) sitting at the kitchen table crying and holding each other. There was a hole in the wall, broken kitchen cabinets, the front door of the house was broken. My dog was cowering and would not come near me. I have no memory of what happened. My wife told me that was the last time. She was not going to go through this again - this was in no way the first time.
The good news is that was 2 years ago, and I have not had a drink since. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and our daughter is an intelligent, happy, outgoing young lady with a bright future. Oh yeah, and my dog is my buddy again.
What I am saying is that it can get better!! I personally turned to AA. It has saved my life, my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I too would try to limit my drinking, it never worked. Like you, those couple drinks would soon turn to countless, and soon some type of destructive event.
Thinking of how I felt after that last drunk, I know I never want to feel that way again.
AA doesn't work for everyone, but for me, it was literally a life saver.
The good news is that was 2 years ago, and I have not had a drink since. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and our daughter is an intelligent, happy, outgoing young lady with a bright future. Oh yeah, and my dog is my buddy again.
What I am saying is that it can get better!! I personally turned to AA. It has saved my life, my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I too would try to limit my drinking, it never worked. Like you, those couple drinks would soon turn to countless, and soon some type of destructive event.
Thinking of how I felt after that last drunk, I know I never want to feel that way again.
AA doesn't work for everyone, but for me, it was literally a life saver.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Bedfordshire, UK
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by Buns
I am already on waiting lists for cognitive behavourial therapy to deal with my thought and behaviour patterns.
www,itsgoodtotalk,org,uk/therapists
and you can filter on therapy type.
(I'm not allowed to send links so please replace the commas with dots)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London uk
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by janiebluebird
I have been in your position before, where I have some nights that are genuinely fun and I don’t get too out of hand. Then there were the nights where I would get sh*tfaced, act stupidly, and wake up with a killer hang over. It can be confusing because you always want to convince yourself that if you are at some times able to drink without anything eventful happening, why not just make yourself stick to that? That is what kept me going back for so long. This is my second attempt at sobriety and I am on day 20, so very new as well. One thing I read on this board that has helped me is to “meditate” on a really bad hang over that you’ve had, or a time that you felt worthless due to your drinking, so that once you are feeling all better again, you don’t forget where alcohol landed you. Posting and reading on here has helped me tremendously.
A quote a saw the other day, for you: “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” - J.K. Rowling
A quote a saw the other day, for you: “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life” - J.K. Rowling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London uk
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Quinne
Is there a local suicide helpline you can call? There's a sticky at the top of this forum that will help out if you're feeling suicidal. My thoughts are with you :ghug3
Xx
Xx
Hi Quinn,
Its not an option just a feeling. Its not something I would ever do. Not sober anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London uk
Posts: 8
Just a quick update on me.. Doc has prescribed me anti depressants and asked that I go every 2 weeks to check on my progress.
Im starting to feel a bit more positive about things although the guilt still eats aways at me everyday, Im not sure that will ever completely go away.
Ive got self help books coming, Im joining a local group for women that assists wth not drinking and I am generally trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
x
Im starting to feel a bit more positive about things although the guilt still eats aways at me everyday, Im not sure that will ever completely go away.
Ive got self help books coming, Im joining a local group for women that assists wth not drinking and I am generally trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
Had plenty of drunken fights, some with people I cared for or should have. The awful stuff stopped when my drinking stopped for good and has never come back. Prior to that stopping for a while changed nothing at all, and just made me increasingly nuts until I drank again. Great that you're medicated, as you may miss most of those feelings. Later on you may want to reevaluate that path instead of continuing it lifelong, as doing life that way comes with costs.
Hope it works out well for you.
Hope it works out well for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Western New York
Posts: 375
Originally Posted by Buns
Just a quick update on me.. Doc has prescribed me anti depressants and asked that I go every 2 weeks to check on my progress.
Im starting to feel a bit more positive about things although the guilt still eats aways at me everyday, Im not sure that will ever completely go away.
Ive got self help books coming, Im joining a local group for women that assists wth not drinking and I am generally trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
x
Im starting to feel a bit more positive about things although the guilt still eats aways at me everyday, Im not sure that will ever completely go away.
Ive got self help books coming, Im joining a local group for women that assists wth not drinking and I am generally trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
x
Glad you're here!
-Alison
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London uk
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by thegoodlife
Buns, I have been there. On my last drunk I came out of a blackout to find my wife and daughter (who was 16 at the time) sitting at the kitchen table crying and holding each other. There was a hole in the wall, broken kitchen cabinets, the front door of the house was broken. My dog was cowering and would not come near me. I have no memory of what happened. My wife told me that was the last time. She was not going to go through this again - this was in no way the first time.
The good news is that was 2 years ago, and I have not had a drink since. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and our daughter is an intelligent, happy, outgoing young lady with a bright future. Oh yeah, and my dog is my buddy again.
What I am saying is that it can get better!! I personally turned to AA. It has saved my life, my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I too would try to limit my drinking, it never worked. Like you, those couple drinks would soon turn to countless, and soon some type of destructive event.
Thinking of how I felt after that last drunk, I know I never want to feel that way again.
AA doesn't work for everyone, but for me, it was literally a life saver.
The good news is that was 2 years ago, and I have not had a drink since. Our relationship is stronger than ever, and our daughter is an intelligent, happy, outgoing young lady with a bright future. Oh yeah, and my dog is my buddy again.
What I am saying is that it can get better!! I personally turned to AA. It has saved my life, my marriage and my relationship with my daughter. I too would try to limit my drinking, it never worked. Like you, those couple drinks would soon turn to countless, and soon some type of destructive event.
Thinking of how I felt after that last drunk, I know I never want to feel that way again.
AA doesn't work for everyone, but for me, it was literally a life saver.
Your story gives me alot of hope.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Welcome!
Hey buns, great news to hear you've begun with some definite actions - getting books, joining the women's group, and seeing the doc.
Having said that, you'll read here on SR that quitting drinking AND staying quit need to be, within ourselves, a sort of seamless day-by-day-by-day (you get the picture) series of decisions.
I know for me, when the Addictive Voice starts niggling, shouting, whining, cajoling, ranting, whispering....THAT MOMENT needs a decision. 'do I listen to It? do I take It on board? or do I just say ''pfft! b*(6er orff....you're just full of dangerous drivel. Toodle-oo!"
I'm trying to do just this, as I've relapsed a lot in recent days and weeks, and I'm frankly tired of running on that particular pointless wheel.
As part of that daily thing - you might want to just check out some nearby AA / SMART / Women for Sobriety etc meetings. Given you're in London, I'd be guessing there's heaps of meetings for alcoholics trying to get and stay sober every day, and not far from you. If nothing else, they give you simply somewhere to go where you hear and meet, face to face, others who know just what you're going through. It's a great addition to online fora like SR. PS and you can even get the occasional real-time :ghug3
All the very best to you, chookie
Vic
I really pray and hope for you that you'll keep on reading and posting here, as you ARE among friends, all over the world. How cool is THAT?!
Having said that, you'll read here on SR that quitting drinking AND staying quit need to be, within ourselves, a sort of seamless day-by-day-by-day (you get the picture) series of decisions.
I know for me, when the Addictive Voice starts niggling, shouting, whining, cajoling, ranting, whispering....THAT MOMENT needs a decision. 'do I listen to It? do I take It on board? or do I just say ''pfft! b*(6er orff....you're just full of dangerous drivel. Toodle-oo!"
I'm trying to do just this, as I've relapsed a lot in recent days and weeks, and I'm frankly tired of running on that particular pointless wheel.
As part of that daily thing - you might want to just check out some nearby AA / SMART / Women for Sobriety etc meetings. Given you're in London, I'd be guessing there's heaps of meetings for alcoholics trying to get and stay sober every day, and not far from you. If nothing else, they give you simply somewhere to go where you hear and meet, face to face, others who know just what you're going through. It's a great addition to online fora like SR. PS and you can even get the occasional real-time :ghug3
All the very best to you, chookie
Vic
I really pray and hope for you that you'll keep on reading and posting here, as you ARE among friends, all over the world. How cool is THAT?!
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