Weasel1966

I will never be broken. Ever.

But I have been quite run down I am sorry to say.

To those that know of my recent issue with my partner in December... I am still not handling it well. I have a hard time dealing with this fact. I am shocked and hurt deep by it.

Well I got drunk last night. I could not stand how I felt and ran to the only thing I could think of.

I feel bad today.... But.... Here's the deal.

I will not be broken by this or anything. Including drinking. I am truly done with it all. It did not help me.

Drinking is never a life line.... It's an anchor.

I refuse to feel guilt over this. I am picking up and moving on. The feelings, as I remember them, are not going to be soothed by drinking. Ever.

Why the hell should I come here and say this? Because I want others to know you don't need to keep drinking. It does nothing for us and everything against us.

I am rather indignant about the choice I made. I did it while in pain and without full thought.

I will pick up where I left off.... Starting to really see myself as someone I care for deeply. As someone I can trust.

Happy sober Monday everyone! And many many many more to come!

guskasb14

I just had a similar rough time with a long term relationship. Had to remind myself that this happens to people, and it hurts. Also remembered the quote I read the day after my bender.....Drinking will solve no problem....and my friend told me....your only postponing what your going through...... Dont be hard on yourself! im on Day 2!!!!!! happy monday!

Elisabeth888

You can dust yourself off and start again. I know you can do it.

What I am more concerned about is your safety. I hope your partner is not continuing to be abusive. It seems like he is not good for you or your sobriety. I hope I don't offend you by saying that.

Weasel1966

I am safe. I am not sure what is good for me at the moment save one little thing. Not drinking. That's all I can focus on now. Me me me.

I just told a friend last night and after that I did not handle things in my head well. I am back and sober. Will not give that away again. Like I said I will not be broken.

I am not offended. Thanks for caring. Really.

K

Weasel1966

I don't endorse a relapse to strengthen your resolve for sobriety by any means. But I can tell you I feel very strongly about really caring for myself. This whole "event" has changed me deeply. So much so I feel like I have so much more energy to do all the things I always wanted. Drinking just gets in my way at the moment.

Even as I was drinking last night it was there. My sober voice. It was not silenced. It cannot be silenced.

I am actually happy today. Ready for a great work week. Ready for more canning projects like yesterday's. just ready.

Elisabeth888

I am glad you didn't go MIA and off on a bender.

The most important thing is that you keep trying. I was just looking at my BAG of white chips yesterday. Seriously, I have 20 of them. I am going to return all but one. I don't want bad juju.

Weasel1966

I have 5 white chips. I dated each with a marker on the back. They mean to much for me to let them go. I earned each. I deserved each. I won't ask for one at my next meeting. I simply want to say it.... Accept it... And move along. I have to many other things to do to let myself get dragged backwards.

I simply don't have the strength to give up!

soberlicious

Bent but not broken...

"Strive on with diligence" my most excellent canning buddy.

mecanix

Big Hug from this side of the pond ,

M

LexieCat

Glad you're still with us, Weasel.

And for the reminder that relapse is NOT a requirement. SLIPS aren't a requirement. They are part of some people's story, and we each have our own.

Best wishes as you continue your personal journey.

escapist

I have never ever once been able to visit drinking. I always have to move in with it for a long term relationship. It is one of the few commitments I actually uphold. I am absolutely convinced in my soul that I never want to go back.

Weasel1966

Hugs gladly accepted and encouraged! Lol

Thank Lexi.... I drank late in the evening and for about an hour. Said no...stop. This is not the solution. And I did. It simply felt wrong. I cannot be thankful enough for feeling that way.

Coldfusion

Well then I guess that just means you'll have to get a 30-day chip.

Here we go!

Mark75

Exactly.

That is understandable, and on some levels, appropriate, and maybe you should consider some counseling regarding the violence you suffered at the hands of a loved one...

But on some levels, levels that are important to your recovery, perhaps a lot attention to self, well, it could be exactly what you don't need... Maybe go help another person. Get out of self....

I have heard people say... "my own head is a bad neighborhood, I should not go there too often, and never alone."

I now what they are talking about

Weasel1966

Hey mark.... That may be a good idea.

What I meant and may not have come across is that I cannot spend time worrying about my partner in any way. Let him do his thing. I need to keep all energies on me is all.

But I like the idea of helping others right now. I need a good dose of giving!

Mark75

I am no saint, LOLOL... but nothing works so reliably and consistently... just coming in to work some days is enough, being around others, trying (anyway) to the best I can... all that.

Fandy

Glad you are back Ken,:ghug3
i was thinking of you this morning while i went shopping and saw the canning and pickle supplies....and noticed your absence early today.

Weasel1966

You are awesome Fandy!

My beans came out soooooo darn good it's not funny! I had only enough brine for some and so the last jar I filled with half brine half water. I stuck it in the fridge last night. Well this morning I opened it. Wow. They were crunchy and flavorful! I brought the jar to work with me and they are gone already!

Canning is fun and I have plans to do a lot more. Soberlicios canned yesterday as well.

Fandy

yes, they had all the pickle spices at wallyworld...cases of the jars, etc.

did you use the fresh french green beans (raw)

Weasel1966

I used raw regular green beans. Not the thinner French style.

The brine was simple. Water, vinegar and garlic boiled. Then dill and red pepper flakes in the jars with the beans.

I also got all my stuff at Walmart. The selections was large.