guskasb14

after a weekend of drunken phone calls, and a bad break up. Its safe to say I have come to the realization I cant just have a drink. I need to have none. I did well a few months ago for almost a month, then got a job offer of a lifetime that led me to celebrate.

Unfortunetley i had to move,and things started falling apart with my x gf. She wanted to get married and didnt want to move. This was kind of baffling to me because it was starting to show that maybe we were on different paths. Upon all this i began drinking again. It kind of hit me in a way that sometimes and this is not to blame her, that I was drinking because I wasnt happy in the relationship. In a sense i love her, but we are not on a healthy road. Break ups are tough, but it might be the new beginning i need, and she will hopefully go on and find someone she deserves.

im anxious more than ever this morning, and I know this will go away tomorrow after i dont drink today. I got rid of all the boose in the house, and im trying to take it one day at a time. This self distruction cant go on. I need to find myself again, before i can find someone else.

I know I owe a lot of appologies to people, but I think I have to appologize to myself first. I need to start to love myself again, because I feel that I have way too many good qualities to let alcohol hide.

Upon my drunkeness, the BIG BOOK showed up yesterday. I finished my drinking passed out, and woke up this morning a little refreshed that I need to do this. In a way im excited because the 27 days I was sober, great things started to happen. As anxious and nervous as I am, im a little excited and relieved at the same time. Today will be a good day. And tomorrow will be even better. Why did I start again, i am not sure. I think I was like hey ill be okay i just went 27 days. Clearly I was wrong hahaha.

To day one! Thanks for hearing me!

WithoutFear

Im joining you on day one (again!) after last night. i am so disappointed in myself and feel by coming here and reading everybody's words of support that I can do this (again)! So can you. And tomorrow we will talk of day #2...and the next and the next!

snowvelvet

Oh Guskas I could have written that, especially when you say about the anxiety. That has been my lfe for a couple of years! I knew that if I could get through the first 24 hours that anxiety would go - I just used to struggle so much - and of course, by evening the anxiety had gone so I reckoned I would be fine to drink again...

To day 1. SV x

guskasb14

Thanks, It sounds like a story that a lot of us have. I have a good friend an old roomate who has been sober for about 6 months. We chatted and he said it only gets easier. And he has now found a lot of great things in his life that were previously blurred by alcohol. In a way im sick of living a blur. I make it thorugh the weekdays without drinking. with this move im alone so i get bored and got wasted. There has to be more to life than this anxiety, and constant circle of destruction.

I think because I was unhappy in my relationship, it was putting more fuel on the fire to deal with it. and obviously the relationship was going downhill because drinking didnt help it. I think we both just came to realize we arent happy. Time to move on, and on that note I want to move on the right way, not the wrong way. Its a great day to start over, not just with a relationship but ending my relationship with alcohol. day two is around the corner.....

Thanks for the support!

sugarbear1

Congratulations on starting your sober journey!!!!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

Pamel

For those of us (certainly me) in their first week of recovery, try this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3780551

It helps to have buddies...at least I think so.

xuse

Ill join you on day 1

Windancer

Good for you! I think it is part of the process sometimes unfortunately. Doesnt have to be the case again though!!!!
Keep at it!