Not having a good morning... :(
Not having a good morning... :(
I woke up to anxiety about everything in my life and this is why I KNOW I became so "I'm over it, F it!"
Working full time, I have to get admitted back into school soon, I also got a raise before the new year and after that tax thing kicked in, "bye-bye" raise, WTF?? And then just dealing with my X, he has always been an issue...
Pretty much this is it, with working all the time, being in school full time as it is a fast track course, I am CONSTANTLY working, and then I feel like I never have time for fun (hence why I said "I'm getting a bottle of wine", and hence the relapse...), my life is just non-stop DOING THE RIGHT THING, and I know I am not the only one, but financially I just never seem to get ahead, and by the way, even before I picked up again.
I get so angry and frustrated, and I just keep moving forward and I do the best I can but I know this is why I got to where I got to.
Anyway, tomorrow is my first session with the therapist, and I'm looking forward to it. I may not be able to see her the next week, but I'm going to allot funds every be-weekly pay-week from here on out to make sure I have the money set aside for two sessions each for the two weeks. I have to get my head in a better place.
So tired of feeling frustrated, angry, mentally exhausted and then in the end just sad because it seems to be never ending for me. I have had many blessings in the last five years, I am grateful for so much, but after a while I just get burned out, and here I am.
Ok, vent over.
Working full time, I have to get admitted back into school soon, I also got a raise before the new year and after that tax thing kicked in, "bye-bye" raise, WTF?? And then just dealing with my X, he has always been an issue...
Pretty much this is it, with working all the time, being in school full time as it is a fast track course, I am CONSTANTLY working, and then I feel like I never have time for fun (hence why I said "I'm getting a bottle of wine", and hence the relapse...), my life is just non-stop DOING THE RIGHT THING, and I know I am not the only one, but financially I just never seem to get ahead, and by the way, even before I picked up again.
I get so angry and frustrated, and I just keep moving forward and I do the best I can but I know this is why I got to where I got to.
Anyway, tomorrow is my first session with the therapist, and I'm looking forward to it. I may not be able to see her the next week, but I'm going to allot funds every be-weekly pay-week from here on out to make sure I have the money set aside for two sessions each for the two weeks. I have to get my head in a better place.
So tired of feeling frustrated, angry, mentally exhausted and then in the end just sad because it seems to be never ending for me. I have had many blessings in the last five years, I am grateful for so much, but after a while I just get burned out, and here I am.
Ok, vent over.
I am sorry Vegi! When I get like that, I try to focus on TODAY. That is all we have and when we stay in the moment, things are easier. When I start thinking about the future, I get freaked out to. It's not that we shouldn't plan, it's just that when we start fixating.....
What can I do today? That is the question.
What can I do today? That is the question.
It's something that I think is left out of many recovery programs and ideas about overcoming addiction... how to cope with feeling like you're doing the right thing all the time! Have you got any other guilty pleasures you can indulge in which aren't alcohol...? Well maybe not stuff that makes you feel guilty but at least something self indulgent Hope all goes well with the new therapist x
Have you got any other guilty pleasures you can indulge in which aren't alcohol...? Well maybe not stuff that makes you feel guilty but at least something self indulgent
Then exercising, I do enjoy it, but that's when work and school come into play, eventually my exercising goes to the back burner because I'm busy with W & S. We have switched up though, walking, jogging, playing tennis, going to the gym, not always the same routine, believe me, I am trying very hard to do healthy and good things for myself.
Mmmm... Godiva, seriously.
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The same thing happened to me with my raise and the tax raise! I just had to redirect my thoughts to "I am grateful to even be getting a paychecke". And yesterday I felt exactly like said...no fun, I'm bored, tired of doing the right thing and getting nowhere. BUT I had to tell my stinking thinking that things will get better, even financially, over time and that if I want to have fun I need to take action and find ways how. Today I am in a much better place mentally so hang in there and if you keep redirecting to positive thoughts your mind will eventually believe them. Hope you enjoy your lunch out today and that you feel better soon
with working all the time, being in school full time as it is a fast track course, I am CONSTANTLY working,
Sometimes life gets out of control and we have to do just what we need to do, to stay sane and sober,
Bestwishes, M
Sounds like you expect a lot from yourself. Maybe more than is reasonable. I know I push myself too hard at work and end up not eating exercising or otherwise taking care of myself. Maybe there are ways you can mitigate the stress of work. I personally could not attempt to go to school on top of it.
You HAVE a job?! Awesome!
School? Lovely! That is awesome!!
Can you write a gratitude list of things you have in your life? Things that you are happy about?
You have the power to change a negative attitude into a positive one!!
School? Lovely! That is awesome!!
Can you write a gratitude list of things you have in your life? Things that you are happy about?
You have the power to change a negative attitude into a positive one!!
Yesterday it was rainy all day so I stayed in and just chilled, I want to get out and enjoy the day.
Thanks for that, and thank you to the rest of you.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for, and I am, but I KNOW that I have a lot on my plate and it can be realistically overwhelming. Just glad I'm going to see the therapist tomorrow, a good step in the right direction for ME!!
It's a beautiful day--enjoy!
This is as good as sunrise gets around here, and I never see sunset 'cause of all the trees. Here's my view looking across Rosario Strait as the sun rises over Cypress Island:
This is as good as sunrise gets around here, and I never see sunset 'cause of all the trees. Here's my view looking across Rosario Strait as the sun rises over Cypress Island:
I know I'll be grateful when I'm done, and I am hopeful that I can even earn my Masters and then even a doctorate, and earn my PhD, how awesome would that be??
Dr. Vegibean... Hmmm....
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