Sasha4

I need to get something off my chest.

This has nothing to do with drinking, but something I feel a lot of regret and sadness about.

Three years ago I was shopping with my partner and daughter who was about 3 months old.
We were in a retail park.
As we walked towards a shop, a mum and her daughter walked past.
I think the daughter was about six years old.
I do not know what she had done, but her num was very cross with her.
So cross that she was slapping her on her head. Repeated slaps around her head, quite hard.

I stopped in my tracks and looked.
I feel this was something that had happened to the little girl before as she was pleading with her mum to stop, but acted as if this was a normal response to when she was naughty.

I alerted my partner.
I said it was not right.
I watched as they walked on the mum still slapping her head and shouting.
I wanted to shout to her to say 'stop it'.
I wanted to protect the little girl.
I actually wanted to call the police.

My partner pleaded with me to leave it and walk away.
Mind my own business.
Not cause a scene.
There were not many people around as it was nearly time for the shops to close.

I did.....I walked away.
I am utterly ashamed of that.

I know children can try our patience and misbehave but I think slapping a child on the head a number of times is not acceptable, not ever.

I just want to say that if I ever am in that situation again I will go with what I feel is right. I will never walk on by and 'leave it'.
I will do what is right. I will handle it in the right way. I will do this because I hate to see people harming children in ways that are simply wrong and inappropriate.
If it causes a scene for me, then so be it.
If it causes a scene for who I am with so be it. They don't have to be with me again.

That is a personal statement from me regarding my behaviour and conduct in the future as a result of the actions I witnessed.

This has lingered in my mind for a long long time.
I think it always will.
And I deserve to feel bad that I was lame in this situation.
I will always feel ashamed that I did not challenge the mum for her actions.
I feel sad for that little girl and often wonder about her home life.

And I am so very sorry to the little girl.
I just should have done more.

LadyinBC

I have no words of wisdom but I wish I could give you a big hug!

renaldo

I used to work at a place where street people would hang around outside. There was a woman who was pregnant and she was drinking like there was no tomorrow. She was with a couple of guys. I drew it to her attention that she could be causing severe damage to her unborn child. The two guys with her shouted at me and said, "get the f*** out of here. This baby's gonna be born an alcoholic and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Not the same situation as the one you encountered, but you can only do so much. That woman you saw might have stopped hitting her kid for the time being, but you can't fix a lifetime of habits. Still, it's good you have a conscience.

I went to Iceland for a month and I never witnessed anyone raising their voice or getting mad in the entire month. My first day back in America I was at a gas station and a woman was screaming at the top of her lungs at her kid (welcome home). After tooling around in such a peaceful culture, I was reminded in a rather abrupt fashion that we've got some serious problems here.

I try not to get down on myself about it. I'm only one person and I can't change the whole world. I suppose I could call the police, but I'm totally paranoid of them, even when I've done nothing wrong. It's intrinsic.

Jeni26

Sasha, I can understand how this has haunted you and how you regret your inaction on that day. But as you have already pointed out, this was highly unlikely to have been a 'one-off'.

As a child, I regularly received such treatment, and I can assure you that had my father ever been challenged, it wouldn't have made any difference to the bullying and physical torment I went through. In fact, even if it had been halted temporarily, he would have stored up his embarrassment and resentment and I would have been made to pay later.

You have no way of knowing how your actions might have worked out for that little girl.

Yes, as adults we should all intervene in a situation such as this, but it may not have had any lasting impact, certainly not a positive one for that little girl.

You are bringing up your daughter with the love and security that every child has an absolute right to receive. To be free from fear and intimidation is unfortunately not the way it is for some kids.

What you don't need to be doing now is beating yourself up for something that can't be changed.

You don't know how that story ended.

Be kind to yourself Sasha. I bet you're a great mum and your daughter is lucky to have you xxx

hypochondriac

I hate the way violence is considered a reasonable response to anything but I can't help think that if this was what this woman was doing to a 6 year old what would she have done to you if you'd tried to intervene?

I had the sh;t kicked out of me repeatedly by my parents growing up. I forgive them for it cos that's all they knew. But they never did it publicly interestingly. I reckon that kid would have suffered more if you'd have confronted the mother.

I imagine this would have played on your mind a lot because you were a new mother at the time. All you can do is do right by your own children. Hugs x

escapist

It is evidence that you appreciate innocence. You have a healthy sense of justice. I have seen things that impress upon me the helplessness we have in those situations. As you go through your life you will do something because you know that doing nothing will bring you sadness. You are a good person

LexieCat

I have many things in my life I wish I had done/handled differently. We don't always do the right thing.

I certainly don't think that continuing to ruminate and feel bad about yourself is productive, though. It's good to recall the things we did wrong, but they are in the past and the best we can do is strive to do better next time.

It's time to let this go in the sense of letting it drag you down. Forgive yourself. You know that you want to handle situations like this differently in the future. You have a kind heart, but none of us lives up perfectly to our ideals at all times.

Coldfusion

Sasha, don't beat yourself up over it. You probably would have been sued for molestation.

This reminds me of an experience I had, which by chance had a different outcome.

I grew up in a small town in Hawaii, but visited New York City at age 12. We had just been to the Statue of Liberty, and were walking through a seedy neighborhood (this was 1974). There was a drunk passed out on the sidewalk, and our hosts and my family stepped over or around him.

There was a woman walking alone a ways behind us, and when she got to the drunk guy she called out to us, "Come help me get him up!" So we went back and helped her, and she took him to a Mission.

There are many good things and good people in this world, and the bad times are reminders of what we need to do.

2granddaughters

Sasha4, thank you for telling us your story. I can relate. But in the end I believe your partner was right.

Like watching a puppy wander onto the expressway in rush-hour. You feel your feelings, say a prayer.. and keep your foot off the brake.
If you stopped suddenly the ensuing pile-up, wreckage and carnage would be overwhelming.

God will be there for that little girl if she needs HIM the same as HE will be there for you.

All the best.

Bob R

goingtoquit

I too have a situation where I feel bad it is not exactly the same situation but I too feel very guilty today for it, when I was young maybe about 16 or 17 years old I worked in this restaurant and an old homeless women came in and asked for a coffee and asked if she could pay later at that time I said no...now at my age 39 it still bothers me..now I would have bought her that coffee hell I would even buy that poor woman lunch too...I still feel bad for saying no, but at that time I was young so I can't beat myself up over that.