Pamel

I am starting this thread because there seems to be a need for a place to post JUST about your last drink and how you are going to stay sober minute by minute if necessary for your first day.

I have had more day 1s than I can count and they are ALWAYS awful. When I go to other threads for newcomers they segue into happiness, as they should, but I believe your first day is very difficult, so post here, right up to your first week-then move on to all the other threads

Just hoping for a specific topic and all help is welcome.

It is my day 1 BTW.

Dee74

Congratulations Pamel - I hope you can make this time your time

I moved you out of Daily Support tho - that forum is for continuing threads...there'll more response here in Newcomers

D

Pamel

Thanks Dee! You're the best. I just feel like the first week is so critical and I want to have company. I had so many years that I didn't think I would ever be "here" again, but I am, and I keep looking for the real "newbies".

It is so easy to be happy when you have been sober for some time, and for me that is the most dangerous. Thanks for chiming in and moving the thread.

LadyinBC

Congrats on Day 1! What a great idea for thread.

My last drink was horrible. After I was done I slept for a while and then woke up. Proceeded to throw up for the rest of the day. It was bad. Two days later I went to an intake at the substance abuse unit and saw someone who became my alcohol counsellor. Best thing I ever did. I could already get thru the first two weeks sober, but would always give in to my cravings.

He said he just wanted to get me to 3 weeks. I thought to myself, I think I can do that. Also it helped having him because I finally felt I was accountable to someone. When I quit before I didn't tell anyone so that if I did relapse no one would know!

I have to say week 3 for me was the worst. I coldn't get the thought of booze out of my head and all I could say was "not right now, not right now I don't have to drink right now". I spent everyday at my daughters from the time I woke up and would't leave until 11:00 at night. That was becuase the liquor stored closed at 11:00 and I knew I would't beable to get any. I had to see him again on Day 19 and I really didn't want to go in and tell him I screwed up. So in a way that kept me going.

Once I got thru that week each week got a little bit better. I thought to myself, oh my god, I made it thru the 3rd week, maybe I can do this! Week 4 wasn't as bad, but I still did struggle and at week 5 I started daytox so I had something to do during the day.

Getting a counsellor was the best thing I did.

It really does get better as the weeks go on, believe in yourself and don't give up!

renaldo

I keep having to identify myself as a person in the first 30 days of sobriety over and over. So, even though I've read the literature until my eyes bleed and attended meetings up the yin yang, I still am a newbie, and dealing with all that entails in a physical sense.

So, if you're looking for someone who hasn't been on this merry-go-round multiple times, I'm not your man.

Ever the newbie, but should be old enough to know better. Gosh darnit!

Pamel

Renaldo, I have been on (and thank goodness) mostly off the merry-go-round, but here I am again at day 1. Enough already.

I hope we can start our own little support group for the first week. (There are other great ones for 1 month, etc., but right now I am grumpy, anxious, fearful, and guilty!)

Not that I want to hear that from others, but maybe we can hold this group together for the first week by identifying.

Also, I hope to have good suggestions from others with "time".... please weigh in!!!

Change4good

My last day #1 (I am now at 22 days) was my first day in an AA meeting. I am NOT suggesting this is what you or anyone else should do. Just what I needed to build some accountability into the whole dealio.

I don't attend meetings as much as some AA'ers probably think one should. My recovery includes a myriad of things that are working.

I am not in my first week, so perhaps didn't honor your request for replies from first weekers. But I am not that far from it.

Good luck. As is always said here, you never have to have another Day #1 if you don't want to. I sure as hell don't plan on having another.

Coldfusion

There was nothing special about my last drink.

It was just more wine, on top of wine (and before that, we drank some wine).

What was special was what happened afterwards--when I thought about taking yet another drink. You see, I was ready to crawl out of my skin, or kill myself, or drive out and get more wine (and possibly kill myself as well as others). So I asked my wife to take me to the hospital, because it seemed a better alternative than dying.

It is a six-hour trip from here to the hospital if you drive, so we flew (at considerable expense, and it was a 4-seat Cessna in lousy weather).

At the hospital, I was given a sedative and they ran a complete set of tests. My wife suggested that I was dehydrated and should have an IV, but after my tests they brought TWO IV's for me.

I was then admitted to a crisis respite program and detox program, where I stayed a week. Followup with daily AA and NA meetings has kept me sober 81 days.

So, it's not the last drink--it's the next one.

tomndallas

thanks for posting the link to this thread.

my last drink(s) was last night. We went to our neighborhood Chili's and I proceeded to get a little blotto. I knew that today would be my first day, so a I told a new friend there that when I saw them again this coming Thursday, I was destined to drink ice tea. He thought I was being dramatic! LOL, as he proceeded to down a xanex with his beer...WOW! But that used to be me too, and I started thinking, man, maybe I need to get one of those online prescriptions to take the edge off. But what is that really, just replacing one addiction with another.

I don't remember driving home, just saying bye. I do remember making a very good dinner...then wanting to go to bed at 730pm. What am I, friggin 2? I also took some tylenol PM so I could stay asleep. I am a seasoned veteran drinker, substance abuser, and honestly lucky to be alive.

It was not that many years ago that I decided to say screw it, just live life like a crazy person and do not look back. I was loveless, hopeless, and had a huge appetite for self destruction. I still said my prayers every night but had all but given up.

Then it happened, I met my wife, online believe it or not.

We started chatting, became pen pals, then on a business trip to South East Asia we finally met. It was amazing.

Now I have a great job, a beautiful new home, a crazy dog, and things are looking up. But my life is filled with depression, thoughts of doing nasty deeds to myself, just when I finally have what i have always wanted.

There is only one reason, its the booze! I cycle almost like I am bipolar now, it never used to be this bad. I am sure it is due to years of abuse finally taking their toll on my brain chemistry.

Anyways...time to get on the wagon and do it for real. I look forward to meeting many new folks here. Maybe even making some new sober friends in the DFW area.

tomndallas

i just reread my post and i feel like i wanna cry...haha...hello mood swings!

Pamel

Oh Tomn, we are ALL ABOUT mood swings. I used to have a very close group f2f and on the internet; lost them both and they were very important friends.

I am glad that things are looking up for you (although I used to dread that because it meant the "downer" was coming . Good fortune to you!

drunkyjules

I'm in Pamel! I will do this with you and whoever wants to join.

This is my new day one. I had a week then blew it and have been drinking the past few days. Yesterday I drank and drank. Its so disgusting.

Today I feel loke total $hit. Anxious and sick to my stomach. Hating myself for what I am and what I do.

I have to accept my disease and I have to accept the fact that I cannot drink alcohol because I have absolutely no off switch. My off switch is when I pass out. I'm terrified of this disease and what I am doing to myself.

Today is day #1. Today is the start to a new way of life and a new way of thinking. Good luck to everybody out there!!!!

tomndallas

yep, drank Monday, Wed, Thurs, Friday, Saturday...not doing it today and for however long I can keep it going. Does that already sound defeatist? I am having problems with saying I will never drink again, I guess in the back of my mind I think that I will get to the place where I can have one or two now and then.

Simply put, I know that is NOT the case. Anytime I have cut back, I always find myself right back where I started. Overdrinking, making excuses, feeling moody and even being mean to others sometimes.

I will be here for as much support as I can give, though I am feeling a bit needy now...haha!

WithoutFear

Thank you all!! Im here with you day #1 (again!).

I really get strength coming to the forum..and found this particular thought very profound. It's not that we will never drink again, it is that when we wake up for the day, we decide not to drink THAT DAY. And every day, we decide not to drink THAT DAY. Let's turn "THAT DAY" into 30...let's do it! Then..60...then 90...etc

drunkyjules

We can do this Tom. Usually for me it seems like once I start it is hard to stop. Its like I can't have one night of drinking because once I flip the switch it goes on for several days. Its like I drink and drink and totally beat myself down, then finally I'm miserable and depressed and sick enough to stop. Then after a few days and I feel o.k. again I get that little voice in my head that says "a couple of drinks won't hurt", the only thing is, I don't just drink a couple......once I get started I don't stop.

I know this is the nature of the disease. Its sad because I feel really good sober. Then I ruin it all. I know I need more action in my recovery program. Its sad how I can rationalize my reasons for drinking. Excuses. That is all it is. There is no "excuse" good enough for me to drink.

drunkyjules

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I feel like such an idiot sometimes. Like WHY the heck do I do this to myself? Why????

I am feeling a little better than I was this morning. Still feel like my nerves are shot and I could jump out of my skin! I need to remember this feeling though. When I put poison in my body this is what I get.

tomndallas

Holy Moly, we must share a brain! This pretty much sums up exactly how I feel.

And honestly I am scared to death. I am a high functioning alcoholic, and find that I cannot calm my mind a times without a drink. There is anxiety about the challenges of the year and how I will cope without my liquid courage and security blanket. I like the ODAAT approach, as it seems to lessen the anxiety, but I am still worried nonetheless.

Too bad there is not a magic pill we can take, much like calgon to take these feelings away. Just gotta suck it up and do the work.

tomndallas

Ditto on the nerves thing too. I feel like I need to do something productive but my motivation seems to ebb and flow like the tide. It's like I am saying, yep that is a great idea followed by, well...maybe I will do it later. Dang silliness.

It is a poison no doubt, and I am fully aware of the consequences. For example...how many times can one visit the loo in a given day?

TMI?

drunkyjules

Its ok Tom.....I was the one puking over the toilet!

Perhaps TMI is what I need to get through my thick skull!!

vegibean

Hi Pamel, don't ever give up, and that goes for everyone, including myself. We are worth better than what we have done and do to ourselves. BIG HUGS ALL AROUND!!!! :ghug3