Day 1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mount Pleasant MI
Posts: 41
Well, here I am with you folks on the roller coaster. All it takes is one slip for me and I start rationalizing all over again...just for tonight, I will buy one bottle, and make it last (HAHAHAHA) and it's gone the next morning and I hate myself. Then I think I can moderate, and all I think about is moderating, until I don't even enjoy the act anymore. My latest week long binge is how it always ends. I made it for 7 months last year and am hoping I can make it last...well, forever this time. My liver numbers were dire the last binge, I had gotten them back to normal, then started drinking again. Luckily this time they are still ok ....but look, folks, this is really life or death we are talking about here. If the anxiety has you crawling out of your skin, go see your doc...there is help to be had. I feel so great when I am sober, so much more in tune with my family, and I don't want to lose them. My stinkin' thinkin' just leads me after awhile to think, oh! It's a social occasion, I'll just have one. Once the door is open just that one little crack, the descent begins again. Luck to all of us. I am seeing my regular counselor tomorrow and going to a new group for substance abusers that is not regular AA to try to bolster some resolve. --I'm actually on day 4 this time and finally starting to feel 'normal' again.
Last edited by qwerrt; 01-22-2013 at 06:46 PM. Reason: technicality
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Congratulations qwert (clever name!)
Staying quit really becomes the most difficult part. I finally made 1 day and I hope I can hold on for the second...having this site to come to is great.
Staying quit really becomes the most difficult part. I finally made 1 day and I hope I can hold on for the second...having this site to come to is great.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 162
I'm still doing good, but away on business again this week which always makes things more difficult (I used to do a lot of my harder core binging while away from the family on jobs)... At least I'm not staying at a casino for this job!!! lol
I did have dinner with the "team" last night at a nice steak house. Beers and wine were flowing (for everyone but me)!!! Plan for tonight is hitting the hotel gym, finishing up some work and then doing my own thing for dinner....
I did have dinner with the "team" last night at a nice steak house. Beers and wine were flowing (for everyone but me)!!! Plan for tonight is hitting the hotel gym, finishing up some work and then doing my own thing for dinner....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
the big lie
Hi Pamel:
Great thread. I am a professional relapser working on Day14 here. I'm beyond my first week now, but I feel more than qualified to take part in this thread. I had good luck a year ago with SR (stayed sober almost 3 mo!), but I stumbled along cycling in the A world. My last drink? A couple weeks ago I was home having "a few beers" when my wife called. I have a rather out-of-the-ordinary job, so we we live in different states. She said my voice sounded a little different and asked if I had been drinking beer (almost exclusively my drug of choice). I said NO. Now, I have hidden my drinking in the past, but I have never outright lied about it. The next day, I could not escape this reality. I had lied to my wife because I was ashamed of myself. What a sad state. I'm here with SR again trying to fight the fight. I have little confidence in myself, but I see little room for any other option. Either this or I just continue to give up. Good luck to us all.
Great thread. I am a professional relapser working on Day14 here. I'm beyond my first week now, but I feel more than qualified to take part in this thread. I had good luck a year ago with SR (stayed sober almost 3 mo!), but I stumbled along cycling in the A world. My last drink? A couple weeks ago I was home having "a few beers" when my wife called. I have a rather out-of-the-ordinary job, so we we live in different states. She said my voice sounded a little different and asked if I had been drinking beer (almost exclusively my drug of choice). I said NO. Now, I have hidden my drinking in the past, but I have never outright lied about it. The next day, I could not escape this reality. I had lied to my wife because I was ashamed of myself. What a sad state. I'm here with SR again trying to fight the fight. I have little confidence in myself, but I see little room for any other option. Either this or I just continue to give up. Good luck to us all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Ah, the lies start to pile up... I know it all too well. For me, it is embarrassment and shame that I have failed once again, so I lie...etc.
Please don't "just continue to give up". I remember a proverb from? Judo?
"Fall down 7 times, get up 8."
Please don't "just continue to give up". I remember a proverb from? Judo?
"Fall down 7 times, get up 8."
Jules
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 279
Originally Posted by tomndallas 
Had another thought too...
If your are anything like me you are always thinking of the past to get perspective for the future, and fantasizing about what lies ahead. Knock it off for now, just try to keep it simple. I keep telling myself, hey, just think about that later, not right now and take the day as it comes. It helps with my nerves a bit, and the anxiety.
If your are anything like me you are always thinking of the past to get perspective for the future, and fantasizing about what lies ahead. Knock it off for now, just try to keep it simple. I keep telling myself, hey, just think about that later, not right now and take the day as it comes. It helps with my nerves a bit, and the anxiety.
I'm on day 4 here and doing pretty good. I had the brief thought of drinking while at work (not at work but after of course) and my co-worker was driving me nuts. I've started thinking through the drink as they say to the morning after hang-over and how crappy I would feel.
This a whole new life and way of thinking, its like re-training my brain.
Hang in there......stay strong!
Jules
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 279
Then I think I can moderate, and all I think about is moderating, until I don't even enjoy the act anymore.
You are so right about this. If I moderate my drinking then I don't enjoy it......it just leaves me frustrated. Some people have a beer or two but my head says "what's the point?"
You can get back to where you were. Seven months is a long time and you should be proud of yourself. Its just this disease, it lays in wait for us to pick up again. I know what you mean about "opening the door a crack". Once I turn my switch "on" its like its on for days and harder to turn off and my drinking just escalates.
You are so right about this. If I moderate my drinking then I don't enjoy it......it just leaves me frustrated. Some people have a beer or two but my head says "what's the point?"
You can get back to where you were. Seven months is a long time and you should be proud of yourself. Its just this disease, it lays in wait for us to pick up again. I know what you mean about "opening the door a crack". Once I turn my switch "on" its like its on for days and harder to turn off and my drinking just escalates.
Jules
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 279
Chainsaw your not alone on the lying part, its just part of the disease and you already know a sign of a problem. I lied to one of my friends once when she asked me over the phone & she busted me out about it. Good for her I needed it.
I've also caught myself wanting to hide the amount I'm drinking to my man, even though he knows my issue and is fully supportive. Its like I'm trying to hide the amount from both of us.....its crazy the lengths we go to and the progression. The rational side of me is saying "you know you are wrong" but the alcoholic side somehow justifies it.
Take care!
I've also caught myself wanting to hide the amount I'm drinking to my man, even though he knows my issue and is fully supportive. Its like I'm trying to hide the amount from both of us.....its crazy the lengths we go to and the progression. The rational side of me is saying "you know you are wrong" but the alcoholic side somehow justifies it.
Take care!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by drunkyjules
Chainsaw your not alone on the lying part, its just part of the disease and you already know a sign of a problem. I lied to one of my friends once when she asked me over the phone & she busted me out about it. Good for her I needed it.
I've also caught myself wanting to hide the amount I'm drinking to my man, even though he knows my issue and is fully supportive. Its like I'm trying to hide the amount from both of us.....its crazy the lengths we go to and the progression. The rational side of me is saying "you know you are wrong" but the alcoholic side somehow justifies it.
Take care!
I've also caught myself wanting to hide the amount I'm drinking to my man, even though he knows my issue and is fully supportive. Its like I'm trying to hide the amount from both of us.....its crazy the lengths we go to and the progression. The rational side of me is saying "you know you are wrong" but the alcoholic side somehow justifies it.
Take care!
good post. It seems that the guiltier we get the stupider the lies become....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by drunkyjules
This is good advice Tom. I don't think it is just alcoholics but I know I worry a lot and get anxious over things that others would not. I know part of my drinking is to ease anxiety about life, if only I didn't have to "think" so much sometimes and alcohol helps me to check out of my head. My boyfriend tells me sometimes I'm just wound to tight and it is so true. Hopefully with giving up drinking we can find some healthier ways to deal with the anxieties of life because they are always going to be there.
I'm on day 4 here and doing pretty good. I had the brief thought of drinking while at work (not at work but after of course) and my co-worker was driving me nuts. I've started thinking through the drink as they say to the morning after hang-over and how crappy I would feel.
This a whole new life and way of thinking, its like re-training my brain.
Hang in there......stay strong!
I'm on day 4 here and doing pretty good. I had the brief thought of drinking while at work (not at work but after of course) and my co-worker was driving me nuts. I've started thinking through the drink as they say to the morning after hang-over and how crappy I would feel.
This a whole new life and way of thinking, its like re-training my brain.
Hang in there......stay strong!
Hi Jules,
Good to hear from you and hearing of your progress, you are doing great. Started reading the big book, and some stuff by chuck c. I like the way we used to speak and write back in the early and mid 20th century, it is peculiar and funny at times.
To all my friends here at SR, have a safe and sober day. I am sending much love your way. Strength and unity!
Tom g
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by tomndallas
Hey Pamel, how you holding up today? Day 5 here and starting to feel more normal, think I will pop out to another meeting at lunch.
Stay strong we are here for you.
Stay strong we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
Hang in there Pamel and Jules
Hey Pamel and Jules, I relapse with great regularity also. I get in these modes of very satisfactory sobreity. I cruise along happily in life and then BAM. I have that first drink and then it is binge-o-rama time. Today I'm working Day15. This time I am making a concerted effort. I am checking in with SR several times a day, whether I am in distress or not. I am reading "Sober Living", and next I'll read 12and12 and AA (the big blue book). For the first time in my life I have actually tracked down the locations and phone# for AA. I live in a very remote location, and the nearest AA is in a tiny town about 25min away, so I have not yet made the jump to AA. I've always had some personal reservations about AA, but the simple fact is that it has clearly helped many people. I guess the bottom line is: I'm staying actively engaged now. I will go with practically anything that works. I do worry that I'll become self absorbed, I'll center everything in my life around my illness, BUT maybe that's a way to go early on. It has to be better than centering my life around beer runs to town. I hope the two of you can make progress and find peace.
Jules
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 279
Hi Pamel, Tom, Chainsaw and all the others who are on their first day or in the first week or where ever in your journey.
Well today is day 5 and I have to confess I had a beer after work. I had one left in the fridge and I've been telling myself that I need to pour it out but haven't. I can say that pretty much immediately I was having the thoughts about going to get more. Luckily I was on the phone with my sister and by the time we were done talking I started to really think about it and why I shouldn't go get more.
Like ok I had one, now I could take this alot farther and go by a 12 pack, would definitely be drunk tonight and would definitely feel like **** in the morning. So instead I decided to get on SR and get some perspective and then take my dogs out for some fresh air and a walk.
I feel pretty good right now, I had a beer, whether that is a relapse or not I don't know. I know one beer doesn't do **** for me as far as getting a buzz or getting tipsy, it was really just a waste of of calories!!
So to everyone out there. I'm glad I was "caught" on the phone with my chatty sister, it was just what I needed because my head atomatically went into "more beer" mode. Dangerous place to be.
Well today is day 5 and I have to confess I had a beer after work. I had one left in the fridge and I've been telling myself that I need to pour it out but haven't. I can say that pretty much immediately I was having the thoughts about going to get more. Luckily I was on the phone with my sister and by the time we were done talking I started to really think about it and why I shouldn't go get more.
Like ok I had one, now I could take this alot farther and go by a 12 pack, would definitely be drunk tonight and would definitely feel like **** in the morning. So instead I decided to get on SR and get some perspective and then take my dogs out for some fresh air and a walk.
I feel pretty good right now, I had a beer, whether that is a relapse or not I don't know. I know one beer doesn't do **** for me as far as getting a buzz or getting tipsy, it was really just a waste of of calories!!
So to everyone out there. I'm glad I was "caught" on the phone with my chatty sister, it was just what I needed because my head atomatically went into "more beer" mode. Dangerous place to be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
stay with it Jules
Hey Jules, no worries really. Great you stopped with the one. I'm pretty sure I could never do that. Of course, I hardly ever had a beer just sitting in the fridge. I was always obsessed with finishing that pack. My BigBrain took me for a ride so many times. Thanks BigBrain. I'm really hoping to not have any beers, but right now I'm just thinking about the rest of this day. If we fail, then it's best if we keep with the fight. I would say try to concentrate on the positive: you did'nt go out for that 12-pack. Good on you. Best of luck.
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I am wondering how long symptoms last? I have had a few day 1s now but if I even think about having a drink I get "tremulous". I haven't even been a heavy drinker, but this lengthened "withdrawal" has me worried.
One drink seems to solve the problem, but I want the serenity that comes with total abstinence.
One drink seems to solve the problem, but I want the serenity that comes with total abstinence.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
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Back to Day 1, Fandy. I have been gradually "tapering" (bad idea, I know) but from all I have read, at my age (67) one should either be in a Doctor's care, or taper gradually. I am just at the end of my "taper" and should be able to quit today.
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