Midlifecrisis

So used amphetamines for many years to overcome my shyness. I would have said I was in recovery for many many years but the fact is, apart from when I was pregnant, I had to drink at every social event. Idont know how to socialize straight.

Since I got addicted to drugs again this year my drinking increased to an all time high. Drinking first thing in the morning. Lunchtime and everynight.

Nearly 3 weeks off it and everyday I am surprised at how much this drug had hold of me. I know I can't do drugs without getting addicted but alcohol I always thought I could take or leave

At a social gathering tonight and I could not function. Just felt so depressed that I couldn't have some drinks to lower my inhibitions and be social. I hate this so much.

How do you learn to be social and secure without substances? I couldn't hide this wave of depression that came over me. I wonder if everyone thought I was using again.

Sorry this is all muddled((. I hate this and so so sick of being the one with issues.

LadyinBC

You are only 3 weeks in don't be so hard on yourself. I personally stayed away from any kind of gathering for awhile, just cause I knew I couldn't cope with them, and I didn't want to set myself up for a relapse.

What you are feeling I think is pretty normal in my opinion. We just don't become secure in 3 weeks, it does take time.

Take a deep breath and remember that you didn't drink. That is really the goal.

Midlifecrisis

Just replied in the other thread. My friends all didnt drink Because of me! I still just felt so sad and incompetent.

I know it's early. Just still coming to grips that this drug that I never really liked (compared to everyhing else) had such a hold on me.

I accepted a long time ago that I was an addict but not an alcoholic. Same diff really.

andisa

Hey Midlife,
Sounds like you have very supportive friends who really appreciate having you around. They want you around and are waiting for you. I have such friends as well. They don't understand why I am the way I am but accept me anyway, sticking with me through so much. Yours are apparently sticking with you as well. Good friends! They're being patient with you, so you be patient with yourself. Is your anxiety rooted in "not good enough"? See that you are, that your friends think you are. With that perhaps some reason for the anxiety might no longer be an issue either as it fades away with the drugs. And alcohol. Same diff, yes.

Klbcarmel

Hey Midlife-
One day at a time, one function at a time, one less hangover at a time. Try GABA, it calms me and it's all natural! It's amazing how a liquid beverage can have so much control. You (we) can fight it....

Dee74

I always recommend people check with their Dr before starting any supplement, especially if you're on medications - whats worked for others may not work or even be suitable for you.

D

BruceJ

My theory, for what it's worth:

We usually start drinking/drugging in our teens or twenties....sometimes earlier. Regardless, whatever social maturity level we had when we started, hasn't matured through the years, no matter how we could fake it while under the influence.
So...
When we sober up, we are at the same maturity level that we were when we started...IOW we didn't learn anything from all the years of faking it.
Just my thinking...

All the best.

Midlifecrisis

Yep. I agree with that. I'm 34 and often feel I a t like I'm 14z

Will look into GABA, thanks

Midlifecrisis

A 14 year old with a husband, 5 kids, fulltime job and a mortgage.

Anna

I understand your feelings of discomfort in social situations when you're used to being medicated. Honestly, I find that I am less social than I used to be and I'm okay with that. When I socialize, it's with family and very close friends so it's comfortable. Do give yourself a little more time to see how you feel.

Midlifecrisis

Thanks. I do really like to be with other people but just find it so hard ATM! Hubby and the kids love to be social too so I need to think of them also.

LindaLou

Hi Midlife,

I know how you feel when you say you feel 14. I thought I was the only one that feels that way. I'm 48, hubby, home, mortgage. I go to work every day but I feel like a child pretending to be an adult. Still waiting to grow up.....

Midlifecrisis

Thanks for sharing. Nice not to be alone!

coraltint

I am totally with you there on the fear of social situations thing. Without my social lubricant(s), being at a kid's school function or work party can be excruciating.

When I've expressed this fear/discomfort to my sponsor, he's told me that this is self-centered fear.....a way to continue to keep myself apart & distant from my fellows. Clearly my disease in action. He says that the other people at parties aren't out to get me, don't want me to make mistakes so they can ridicule me....they are just other people who might or might not be interested in what I have to say.

Not all of that makes sense to me. The part that does is the part about it being my disease trying to get me alone. Where it can have its way with me. I do believe that. So lately when I've been in these types of situations, I try to believe the rest of it...that maybe it is a room of my fellows, I'm not the top OR the bottom of the barrel...just somewhere in the middle. It helps a little bit.

Changenetwork

Midlifecrisis, you are never alone! I fear certain social situations but then i just think to myself! We are all on this earth together and we should not fear another person! At the end of the day they wake up in the morning brush their teeth, do their thing just like all of us! Fear in society is the largest cause for addicts to become addicts! Erase all fear and JFDI! just .... Do it!

DarkDays

Had a social event this weekend, I must say I felt rather cool being sober and drinking sparkling water If you said this would be me a couple of years ago I would have laughed and said something offensive about sober people, but it takes time and a bit of work to get to this place, and what a great place it is. Let the sheep drink and drug, be cool be sober

oocleanchickoo

I am 100 days clean and I still struggle with social events even at meetings I don't know how to put myself out there and make conversations.

Mark75

Yea... I had a long relationship with amphetamines. And yea... they made me drink like a fish... And I missed them, at first.

IDK, there is a lot I could say about how they affected my socialization. 4 and half years after I took my last pill, I am only recently getting some clarity on all that. My experience was that I had a breadth of social experience, some meaningful, some, not so much... and what I thought was profound was actually mundane. And.... depth? Very little, and most of that was contrived.

I am not shy, LOL, so I don't identify with all that you said. But I can tell you that being ourselves, socially and in all ways... is honest and has meaning and integrity.

Give it some time, get recovered.... I know... that first month or two... sux, hard....

MIRecovery

Started at 14, am 56, sober for 3.5 yrs, Yippee I am almost 18. Soon I will be able to drive the car without my parents and won't have to double date. The term for this is arrested development

Things have gotten better for me but in many ways I am still a child. Working the steps of AA has super charged my progression into adulthood.

My sponsor more than once has told me, "You should do it because this is what adults do." Hate it when he says it but he has always been right.

Midlifecrisis

Hehe, congrats in nearly being old enough to drive

Thanks for sharing. Yes, arrested development. I need to grow up!!