Julynine

I'll be 7 months sober in a couple of weeks time and generally very pleased with my progress and the improvements sobriety has brought to my life. Like most people on SR, I am an avid reader of alcoholism and try to educate myself as much as possible to try and learn about my problems.

There are many issues i can think of why i self medicated with alcohol but for me there is one overriding reason and that is control. If I'm not in control of a situation or there is an uncertain outcome I start to worry and ruminate about things in my mind. I spoil a perfectly happy present by worrying about the future all the time. I've known for a long time that drinking is just a symptom of my problem and if I don't resolve the problem then there is always the risk that I go back to drinking.

The solution sounds easy in principle.......I need to stop worrying about things that are largely out of my control. Have faith that everything will work out OK. The trouble is I don't know how to do this. I have been taught all my life that my future is in my own hands and that I can achieve anything I want if I put my mind to it, plan it and make it happen.

I'm not a religous person but I am beginning to accept more as I become educated on this issue that I need to become more spiritual. Most people seem to be much happier when they just let go, accept things for what they are and have faith that everything is going to be OK.

I think this needs to be my path going forward and would really appreciate some insight on how to achieve this. How do I start?

Thanks

Julynine

whatsgoingon

Great post and I would love to know the same!

I have tried lots of thing to stay focused such as self help books and exercise but I still find staying on track on constant battle.

This forum has given me a certain amount of strength but I do need something else. Problem for me is that my drinking problem is a secret. No one knew and they still don't. People just think I gave up drinking to get fit. So I don't have anyone I can talk to.

I need something to fill the void. Hopefully someone we be along soon with some pearls of wisdom!

lilgolden73

I don't know where I'd be without my beliefs in an HP, I don't go to church as much as I would like, and I am not a fanatic, but I have a foundation that this life goes far beyond this. I was raised catholic, so my belief in God was instilled very young. I say explore the different options out there and find what works for you. Good luck!

Dee74

I had control issues too.
I needed to give up my post as General Manager of the Universe

Probably 80-90% of my worries and stress in the old days was either stuff that wasn't my responsibility to worry about, or stuff where I simply could not hope to affect the outcome anyway.

For me, it's not so much faith that things will turn out so much learning that things demonstrably do turn out regardless of whether I get involved or not

Nowadays I do what I can about the things I need to, and I let the rest go.

D

LadyinBC

What a great and honest post! I too have control issues and am just starting to realize too that I also need an HP of some sort.

hamabi

Some say alcohol temporarily gives the illusion of filling a void for alcoholics, and when it's removed from our lives after a while we sense the void is there, and the need to fill that void returns. Obviously, since alcohol is still available to those of us who've decided never again to drink, the need can push us in that direction despite our earlier decision. If the pain of the void demands it, we know from experience what can instantly give the illusion of correcting the situation.

So if someone feels that empty knawing, a dissatisfaction with the world, a lack of any important purpose, a distance from humanity, and a sense of futility or hopeless view of their future stretching ahead of them long enough many drink after some months or some years. It's an important facet of alcoholism that is better delt with before the tipping point arrives and without real thought we act to regain our balance emotionally.

Some would say that's the part of this condition that defeats all but a few of us.

A solution for that would be imo something that continually fills the void sufficiently, so we never hit empty. It demands a little work on our part, which isn't a pleasant idea to those who want an easy fix. It needs maintenence without thought, so we don't stop what has been working well and leave ourselves in danger.

If possible we need to understand the warning signs of running low. What to look for ourside ourselves that can clue us in that we are in danger, before things go too far to correct.

Good awareness on the part of the OP. The search must be personal to the individual and though others can point directions that served them well, another's answer is of no use. AAs who have taken the steps find a personal answer to this, one that is unique to the individual. Understanding that is why those of us who understand never discuss the specifics of our conceptions in this area, to allow new people to find their truth.

instant

You already have

mecanix

I think the way i worked on this was by listing in my head all those things i don't have control over and accepting them .
I found starting with the big stuff death, disease, tsunamis or hurricanes and then working smaller helped, down to as small as i can't make someone like or love me .

I've also found accepting that life is a terminal illness helpfull , i am just a tiny cog in this world , if i died tomorow if i'm lucky a few people might miss me , the whole sum of my existance has largely been ineffectual .

Of course i do strive to better my lot , i work and learn, try to love and spread compassion and understanding if i can .. but i don't let the weight of my desires impinge on my enjoyment of this moment now , which afterall might be my last .

I take it all day by day and live each day as fully as i can . As an alcoholic i cannot carry either the weight of desire for tomorow or carry the regret and sorrow over the past without stumbling in the now .

Bestwishes, M

Xune

Faith is the belief in something without evidence.

I'm sober and have exactly zero faith in anything supernatural or 'spiritual'.

Until I see evidence to the contrary, I am content knowing that we live in a natural universe that is completely devoid of anything supernatural.

All that to say that faith is not necessary to remain sober. Not drinking, now that's necessary.

To each their own is what I say and if believing in any number of supernatural Deities helps keeps someone sober...at least their sober.

I'm very fortunate never to have had issues of control, so rolling with the punches and going with the flow, is kind of my thing.

FeelingGreat

I think there are some things you demonstrably have control of, and things you can't control, including the actions of other people.
I don't believe that there is a power we can place our faith in. Bad things happen to people all the time and some of those have faith. But you can't control everything so learning to let go will at least give you more peace of mind and less guilt.

LindaLou

[QUOTE=Xune;3780519]Faith is the belief in something without evidence.

Hi Julynine. Thanks for this message Xune.

I won't delve too deeply in my faith, it's not a traditional path. The most important "rule" in my faith is "Harm none.....". That includes yourself.

Research the various religions, look deep into your soul. You will find a path that speaks to you.