Why can't I function?!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hypo, just curious: does the idea of "trying to fit in" have to do with AA or is it more of a theme that just shows up there?
I am not an AA person myself though it is great for many. But my point is I struggled for the first ten months with feeling like my not drinking makes me feel like an outcast in my family etc. Then I realized I never feel that non drinking makes me feel an outcast with dear friends I love and trust who drink. Honestly it is a non issue with them. So I thought, what is the difference here? Both family and friends are never unsupportive of my sobriety.
What I realized is my feeling of being an outcast and not fitting in is an old feeling I have ALWAYS had within my family. It has nothing to do with me not drinking! I was just using not drinking to explain my feeling left out. But I felt that way looong before this.
Also, my friends know the details of my alcoholism because they asked and I told them because I trust they love and accept me.
But there are only a few people in my large family who know why I am not drinking. My sister, daughter and cousin... and I feel totally accepted by them. So perhaps it is the fact that I have not told them about what's behind my not drinking that upholds separateness between me and other family members?
this doesn't mean I will tell them. But it means my drinking or not drinking has nothing to do with feeling outcast. I can work on it or not, but I can't blame drinking or quitting on it.
I was wondering if this somehow pertains to you. Meaning, are you sure it is AA per se that is triggering this feeling? Or is AA just a place that this feeling (that is already within lyou) pops up again?
Also, I know where I live there are special LGBT AA meetings. Do you have any interest in those?
If none of this applies, just toss it aside. Just thought I'd throw it out there!
I am not an AA person myself though it is great for many. But my point is I struggled for the first ten months with feeling like my not drinking makes me feel like an outcast in my family etc. Then I realized I never feel that non drinking makes me feel an outcast with dear friends I love and trust who drink. Honestly it is a non issue with them. So I thought, what is the difference here? Both family and friends are never unsupportive of my sobriety.
What I realized is my feeling of being an outcast and not fitting in is an old feeling I have ALWAYS had within my family. It has nothing to do with me not drinking! I was just using not drinking to explain my feeling left out. But I felt that way looong before this.
Also, my friends know the details of my alcoholism because they asked and I told them because I trust they love and accept me.
But there are only a few people in my large family who know why I am not drinking. My sister, daughter and cousin... and I feel totally accepted by them. So perhaps it is the fact that I have not told them about what's behind my not drinking that upholds separateness between me and other family members?
this doesn't mean I will tell them. But it means my drinking or not drinking has nothing to do with feeling outcast. I can work on it or not, but I can't blame drinking or quitting on it.
I was wondering if this somehow pertains to you. Meaning, are you sure it is AA per se that is triggering this feeling? Or is AA just a place that this feeling (that is already within lyou) pops up again?
Also, I know where I live there are special LGBT AA meetings. Do you have any interest in those?
If none of this applies, just toss it aside. Just thought I'd throw it out there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
There are no LGBT meetings near me I'm afraid EQ, otherwise I would have gone there. I think I feel like an outcast anyway and AA highlights that, so I am not blaming it in that way. It just highlights my feelings of inadequacy because I don't feel able to do what's expected of me. But there are plenty of other places for me to not fit into 
I am not gonna hole myself up and not do anything because of the way I feel. I do like pushing myself, which is why I feel so awful for how rubbish I have been on that front lately. I'm gonna start doing smaller stuff that makes me feel better about myself...
I am not gonna hole myself up and not do anything because of the way I feel. I do like pushing myself, which is why I feel so awful for how rubbish I have been on that front lately. I'm gonna start doing smaller stuff that makes me feel better about myself...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I like your plan! I did it that way and it has worked for me over time.
I am learning when to persevere and when to stop, or rest, versus giving up or not trying.. Still trying to figure that out! But learning.
I am learning when to persevere and when to stop, or rest, versus giving up or not trying.. Still trying to figure that out! But learning.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
Hi Hypo,
The weather is totally shocking here where we are at the moment, it goes dark at 4pmish and to be fair it really is a pretty naff time of year with bills coming in just after xmas and there being 5 weeks in the month with a longer time until pay day.
It really isn't uncommon to feel a little bad this time of year. On the plus side, spring is coming, the lighter nights are coming and hopefully the world will look a lot better place for you.
You have done fantastic, keep it up.
Bruno.
The weather is totally shocking here where we are at the moment, it goes dark at 4pmish and to be fair it really is a pretty naff time of year with bills coming in just after xmas and there being 5 weeks in the month with a longer time until pay day.
It really isn't uncommon to feel a little bad this time of year. On the plus side, spring is coming, the lighter nights are coming and hopefully the world will look a lot better place for you.
You have done fantastic, keep it up.
Bruno.
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