Natom

Hey Cleo,

You haven't let anyone down except yourself. But that's ok. We are all used to letting ourselves down. Relapse is a part of recovery. Or at least it was part of my recovery. I had 3 seperate relapses in my first 18 months around. If I hadn't gone through them I wouldn't be working the program the way I am today. And I wouldn't be happy. Sometimes you need the learning experience of a relapse. They might not seem like it at the time but if you make it back from one they are beneficial in the long run.

Natom.

quitforme79

I have been where you are... a lot of us have. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Especially since you can learn SO MUCH from this experience. Case in point--last time I relapsed I had been feeling "off" for a couple weeks prior. Physically down, mentally drained etc etc. Tonight I had an overwhelming urge to drink, almost as bad on that last relapse. And I identified that I have been feeling down for the past 2 weeks. So really, these "slips" don't just one day occur. I believe the relapse process begins well before we actually take that first drink. You wrote that you always bring happiness and are positive on here which you are and we love that BUT, share your crappy feelings too because we are here for you and when you get those feelings out you give away some of the pain. Tomorrow is a new day, you can do this!

member72

Cleo pelase don't let this little setback get you down. Chin up, plan forth. I've read some of your previous posts and know you can get right back on track.

AngelBabe

Big hugs hopping across the pond to you. We tend to be harder on ourselves than others are. I wish you the best as you continue on your journey. You need another woman in recovery you can call on and meet up with if need be. Everyone needs a lifeline sometimes.

firestorm090

Sounds like you're back on track and may learn much from this relapse.

To me a relapse is a lapse in judgement, which happens to all of us from time to time. However you did no irreversable damage, nor did you develop any major side effects, such as growing more fingers or another eye. You're still intact and sound ready to move forward from this experience.

Keep your lighthearted attitude and continue to share joys and sorrows as they develop with your new way of living. Both are shared by all of us and endear us to one another. Your smile can be seen across the wavelengths, so keep smiling and your chin up.

ReadyAtLast

CLeo, sending you big hugs.Don't be hard on yourself. your posts are so positive and helpful-you helped me yesterday.
dust yourself down and start again. we're here for you.
more snow forecast for today-maybe make another snowlady.we're going to do some here
hang on in there.xx

Pamel

Cleopatra, EVERY day is day one. I think we have to make that choice each and every morning that we will not drink TODAY. I have seen so many people destroyed by losing days, months, years, that they say f- it and go out and die.

I had a lot of "years" and then one drink started a binge that nearly destroyed my life. Day 1 and "it is the first drink that gets you drunk" is what I believe now.

Cleopatra1

hey guys,, woke up feling bad,, it hit me as soon as i opened my eyes,, but hey,, like u all said,,dust meself off and get back on it xx
thank you ever so much for your lovely msges and support,, you guys rock.
im gonna learn from this , too right,, i dont wanna drink, i hate it , and i dunno y i did, but i did and thats it.
gonna start again, carry on,, keep up the chin, and march forward xx
love u guys to bits xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:ghug3

Fandy

Move past it, and remember how disappointed you felt, it will help in the future.

hamabi

Here's the problem with calling yourself names and piling up feelings of guilt. Nothing useful is done other than kidding yourself that at some point you've now been sufficiently punished and can thereafter try again to be very good. Or funny, or likeable.

All of that has zero to do with finding an effective answer for your problem, which is something that is critical for you to acheive.

Cleopatra1

hi hamabi,, whilst i totally agree with yr msge,, i do know what i must acheive here,, and i know that calling myself names, and all of the above u stated,, has zero to do with it,, if i didnt then i wouldnt be here,, ok, i slipped, i needed to share,, i needed some help, i got it,, and said thanks, no biggy right???
i do have a plan , i just forgot it for a bit,, and im not perfect,, but i do have a goal, plan, whatever ,, i just needed to have my ego boosted i guess.
thats our problem right?? our darn egos xxx
thanks for the love xx
cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

renaldo

Hi Cleo,

Do you mean you felt physically bad upon awaking, or were you just down on yourself psychologically? Did your husband call you to task on it, or is he even aware? Does he care if you drink one way or the other?

I don't have all the facts, but it sounds like you're beating up on yourself awfully hard. You stayed at home and didn't get in trouble. Or perhaps I need some more background info. Did you get in a "discussion" with your husband when he came to bed, or is it just your little secret?

Fandy

I think that coming here and posting about it helps you being accountble and truthful.
You made a mistake and it felt craptastic. I don't think you will forget that.
Congrats on tossing the brandy and standing up for yourself.

Serenityforme

Hello Cleo...I am very new to SR...6th day of my commitment to sobriety...Your post touched me and the replies are really inspiring and give great insight on our struggle to sobriety..My husband found this site for me as my working schedule is pretty antisocial as far as joining a group or attending meetings. Didnt hit me in the face until about 10 years ago that I may have a problem with alcohol. The 22 years previous was all just partying..or so I thought..hell, everyone elase was doing it!! But the last ten years have been an awakening and gradual acceptance that ****..I really am an alcoholic..I even wasnt convinced when the first thing I did on the plane home from a trip where I hadnt had a drink for 3 years...was..yep..cracked open that bottle of duty free vodka (until last year it was wine)...still dont know how I made the journey from Heathrow to home to this day!!! Or got through customs !! Its been a week on a week off for this past year..
All I really wanted to say is I can empathise with the remorse you feel..I truley, truely can ...Im frightened too..I can SOOO identify with the boredom thing..infact, until I read many times on here how boredom can be a great catalyst , it was screwing with my head what made me want to take that first glug..hidden in some cupboard,toilet..etc..etc..
I read the daily posts and am slowly accepting I will need a forum such as SR , thanks to my hubby - who has been through recovery - for accepting me , relapses and all..and THANK YOU cleo for sharing and being honest..one more nail in the demons coffin...remeber the lies and deceit it needs us to make to carry us into 4 days of oblivion...
Sending bubbles of love and Hugs..