ReadyAtLast

I'm on day 42 and I've not been sober this long in 20 years. I've managed 40 days or so twice last year but then went back to it. Physically I feel better and mentally much clearer. The problem is over the last week I've been feeling really lethargic, can't be bothered,emotionally numb. Today I feel really down and offhand with everyone which is just wrong. Maybe it's just a bad day and I know tomorrow will probably be better. I know life is just life,good days and bad and it's naive of anyone to think it will all be perfect just because we get sober. Part of me is saying oh just have a drink, at least you won't be miserable then but I know that's just my AV. I'm also aware that I'm at the point last time where I drank. However, I will not drink. I want to be sober. I've read about PAWS and some of it applies

I suppose my question is for those who are long term sober-did you feel like this at this stage and does it get better? If so,when did you really feel mentally/emotionally better? Thanks

Cleopatra1

hi ready,, yep im only just coming up to 3 months,, but i too felt like u hunny,, its a wierd one cos its like u feel kinda flat??
it does pass, well for me ,,it was mostly due to boredom,, im outta work at the mo,, just doing research/designing,, rather than making,, but i felt that, if i kept busy,, and i pushed myself to do stuff,, ie cleaning,, re decorating stuff,, even if it didnt need doing,,!! but it helped me,, also exercise too,,,
im not much of a help,,sorry,,, but hope u feel better soon,, big hugs
cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ReadyAtLast

thanks Cleo,it's good to know I'm not alone.flat is exactly how I feel

I'm trying to get to the gym 3 times a week though it's been an effort this week. there is an element of boredom. When I do stuff I feel better. Evenings are worse. I have a young child so it's not as though I can go out at night and January is such a gloomy month-I've prob just got the winter blues!

tomsteve

when i got into recovery, i had said to someone that i sure would like my life to be a bed of roses. he said,"it will. just remember roses have thorns and will ***** ya sometimes. but it will pass."

Coldfusion

I guess I count as "long term sober" since I'm on day 80--and I'm also unemployed, with a lot of time to think about recovery. The feelings got better for me because I immersed myself in recovery instead of addiction. I spend maybe too much time here at SR, I go to meetings, and push myself to go outside and exercise.

"I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer ."

AA, 4th ed. (2001) , p.417.

gall1972

One day at a time....

I have always noticed that when I would look too far into the future about my drinking and feelings I would always end up drinking.

Example: The other day I was thinking and stressing about cutting grass without having some beers. Its January here in PA... No reason to be thinking about tall grass..... so I stopped and went back to keeping it simple... ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I'm bored and lonely too. I go long periods of time without real human contact because of my work schedule and my family being away at work and school. I need to work on this.....

Gall

LexieCat

I felt quite a bit better by around the six-month point, but I had attacks of PAWS, though they lessened and got further apart over time.

It really took me two years to feel back to almost a hundred percent. Just be patient. It takes time to re-learn how to have fun, sober.

I also found that for me, learning to deal with strong emotions sober was the toughest thing. Each time I dealt with it, though, without picking up a drink, I did better, and I stopped dreading those emotional challenges. I simply dealt with them. It takes time, and practice. There isn't a specific timeline that applies to everyone. I found AA very helpful in learning to live sober, happily.

Coldfusion

Even here in the wilderness, there are people who will come to your home. Maybe just one visit would be all you need. And I can't speak for all AA or NA groups, but I don't mind seeing kids at meetings.

2granddaughters

A person like me ......

If I attend my AA meetings regularly and work the program it keeps getting better like the oldtimers said it would.

If I don't drink and don't work my program, then I to get more miserable and uncomfortable in my own skin until all that's left is to drink.

All the best.

Bob R

least

I started to feel much better around the three month mark, not coincidentally about the same time I started practicing gratitude. Come on over to the gratitude forum, that'll improve your outlook.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks Least,I will do. That's a good idea.I do have a lot to be grateful and thankful for and truly am. In fact I feel bad for even complaining

BethS

You begin to feel better when you begin to address your negative thinking patterns and commit to doing the right things every day.

Personally, it took me about 3 months to get over the worst of the cravings and the emotional lows. By 6 months I was flying, because I looked at what I was thinking and doing every day, and improved my focus and responses if necessary.

The more effort you make toward becoming a better person with more resilience, honesty, integrity, gratitude and kindness, the quicker you will feel better

I'm still working on the 'hole in the soul', but I think that'll take a while. I will be patient and do the right thigs as far as possible.

CAPTAINZING2000

For me personally, might have been a year or better. A lot of this depends on your circumstances though. I was one step ahead of the law going into my sobriety. The cloud lifted once, I was staying sober on my own though. I used to tell people that, I signed court papers for, keep coming back after your legal troubles are over with and you'll never have to deal with this again..

I don't welcome any hardship after a lot of years being sober but, the hard times make me a lot more appreciative of the good days sober now.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks to you all for responding. It helps to know I'm not alone.

Beth-you are right. My mood directly linked to my negative thinking. I'm currently reading about being positive,changing mindsets and trying to be more emotionally healthy. Also letting resentments go and be kind and positive. It's amazing how ingrained negative thinking can become over the years and it takes conscious thought/action to change it
Thanks

EternalQ

Ready it is hard to quantify or time. But I have found it helpful to think of it like grief: one day you notice you are having more good days than bad. And the worm starts to turn.
Also you go through the stages of grief when getting clean:
Shock.
Denial.
Depression.
Anger.
Guilt.
Bargaining.
Accomadation.
Acceptance.
What order you go through these and what pace you take is very different and individual, but you will go through them if you do the time.
Again like with grief, there are certain periods where time is the only salve, and you just have to trust that is so.

partofmyjourney

EternalQ, ?, Thanks for that post. I've been through denial. Shock. Bargaining.... Hoping more good days than bad come soon. X

ReadyAtLast

I'd forgotten about this thread, thanks pomj

an update,I'm on day 95 now and feel so much better. tbh I have been to my doc,told him everything and been prescribed anti depressants which I've been on for a couple of weeks now and do feel much better. Looking back to my teens I always suffered with depression but never really dealt with it or treated it,just drank instead. Now, all those feelings are coming out and it's quite odd to have to deal with things instead of just drowning them in wine. Odd as in unusual for me to deal with it,not a bad thing. For the first time in my life I feel stable and normal (if there is such a thing ) I wish I'd gone to the docs as a teen and got help for mental health issues but it just wasn't what people did in those days (pull yourself together,get on with it etc etc etc was the general advice) Maybe then I wouldn't haveturned to drink -but hey no point having regrets

2granddaughters

The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous (pg 83-84 of the Big Book) laid it out quite simply and undeniably for me.

THE A.A. PROMISES

"The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

Time heals little. Time used in well chosen work heals all.

I don't have to go far to see my Doctor, he is in AA.

All the best.

Bob R

Michael66

For me, I was pretty miserable and lethargic for 3-4 months, still thinking about drink quite a lot though I was certain I wouldn't drink, and then my mood started lightening considerably and was pretty much my old happy self by six months (it took about 6 months to get back to a good natural sleeping routine as well)

I imagine we're all different.

Huglets

SAL - congratulations on 95 days!! Incredible achievement!

So happy you went to your doctor and were honest. I was honest with mine as well and during the first year of sobriety he had me come in every 3 months for follow-up visits. It was a tremendous burden lifted from me that I had a medical doctor tracking the progress of the internal organ damage I had done to my body during my 30 year drinking career.

Great news about treating your depression. I have been treated for depression well before I ever considered drinking. I don't think depression led to my drinking but I know it sure made the depression considerably worse.

Keep up the good work! Keep us posted on your progress!