renaldo

Well, I checked into a non-medical detox approximately 8pm this past wed. night after seeing my therapist. I am used to drinking anywhere from 3 to 5-1/2 "24 oz. beers with 8.1% alcohol" over the course of the day. On Wed. I didn't drink until I pulled into the parking lot of the detox place (I don't drink and drive since my last DUI), at which time I drank one of those beers and an airplane bottle shot of Jack Daniels so I wouldn't go into major withdrawals, since if that happens, all they do is call 911, and the ambulance would cost me plenty.

Well, I suffered no withdrawals and I was able to sleep intermittently. When I did sleep, I had mundane dreams - no nightmares, and when I lie awake in bed, I felt relaxed and didn't have negative thoughts going through my brain. What a relief.

They didn't really teach you any coping skills - just kept you locked up so you couldn't drink, use, or smoke tobacco. Funny, even when not drinking alcohol or smoking tobacco, my throat and nose were still dry and I peed more liquid than I drank.

If it were me, I would have drank lots of orange juice, but they supplied kool aid, with the rationale that when you stop alcohol, your body needs to replace the sugar to prevent the shakes. Maybe there's something to this, because I didn't have the shakes at all.

The food was not very healthy (i.e., it was greasy), and they had Fruit Loops available 24/7. I munched on those dry as snack food. Even still my molten diarrhea is subsiding.

I got out and went to 2 AA meetings tonight. At the first, 2 guys from the detox were there.

There is a 30 day waiting list to get into the rehab that I can afford for a 31 day program. Now my will power is really going to be put to the test.

I'm going for a blood draw this coming Mon. to check for high cholesterol and triglycerides, liver enzymes, prostate, etc., so that's incentive not to drink until then.

I have to get a tuberculosis test before they will admit me to rehab. That has to be checked 72 hours after I'm given the test sample in my arm (and not later, as I understand). Due to the hospital being closed on Mon. for Martin Luther King Day, the soonest I can get the test sample and be seen 72 hours later is Mon.

Already my addictive brain is saying, "well, your blood draw will be over on Mon. After the test sample for the TB test on Tues. you can drink again. It's probably going to be a month before you can get into rehab anyway."

Dee74

This is were the rubber meets the road Renaldo.
You can let your addiction lead, or take the reins yourself.

It's probably not going to be an easy ride - but which of us has an easy ride? not me, certainly...

Rehab won't cure you - in the end it's down to you anyway, right?

Start now


Look around - there's hundreds of people here who've 'done it' or are 'doing it' - I believe you can do it too.

Use the support you'll find here and work the heck outa every available meeting you can get to

D

deeker

[QUOTE=renaldo;3778793]Well, I checked into a non-medical detox approximately 8pm this past wed.

hi There friend, here is a link to a Big Book On Line. Read it and learn about your disease and the solution. Best wishes to you Big Book Online Fourth Edition

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

renaldo

Thanks Dee,

I can use all the encouragement I can get. Rubber... road... cliff.

And thanks Deeker. I've got the Big Book. I've read it cover to cover twice and portions of it more times. Plus, it's quoted from all the time.

renaldo

Oops, I meant Tues. night. I had 3 nights there.

hamabi

Thanks for the update, the detox sounds pretty uncaring and bare bones. I'm going to guess you'll be staying away from Fruit Loops for a while.

Hopefully you can tough it out for the duration until you enter the affordable rehab. If it becomes too much of a struggle for you, can you return to the detox again and still keep your spot on the rehab waiting list?

Earlier you were following a medical recommendation of vitamins and juices; might be a good idea to resume them. Seizures can still occur days after stopping.

Drinking and driving is an absolute for you not to do. Can you transfer some of that determination to what you want to accomplish in your present situation?

renaldo

Thanks for the update, the detox sounds pretty uncaring and bare bones. I'm going to guess you'll be staying away from Fruit Loops for a while.

Yeah, it's not my go-to snack food.

Hopefully you can tough it out for the duration until you enter the affordable rehab. If it becomes too much of a struggle for you, can you return to the detox again and still keep your spot on the rehab waiting list?

Depends on the timing, but in most cases, yes.

Earlier you were following a medical recommendation of vitamins and juices; might be a good idea to resume them. Seizures can still occur days after stopping.

I have resumed.

Drinking and driving is an absolute for you not to do. Can you transfer some of that determination to what you want to accomplish in your present situation?

I can only hope. Not drinking and driving is quite doable. Not drinking at all is another story. Thanks for responding.

sugarbear1

Glad you got through detox, I wouldn't mess it up by starting to drink again. I'd pour myself into meetings and find tools for recovery. I've been to 4 rehabs, but I didn't stay stopped.

Those 12 steps saved my life and did teach me how to stay stopped.

shoreladylu

Take it one day at a time. That cliche idea has helped me so far. Don't make plans for what you're doing after your test Monday unless they're positive- go to a meeting, go to the movies, go to a park etc. If you play out a scenario in your head where you see yourself drinking, it's much easier to give in. Just think about not drinking today. Just think about not drinking in this moment. Best wishes! You're in my thoughts!

jennikate

I went through a similiar situation although the gap in treatment wasn't 30 days. Never the less, I was prescribed Antabuse to help me through that time. Not medical advice, just my experience.

2granddaughters

All the best Renaldo.

I had to hang around the AA Rooms for a long time in the beginning to get my feet on the ground.

As far as me taking the reins.... I had to hand the reins off to my HP, sponsor and the oldtimers. I had to admit that I was over my head and needed help, all the help I could get.

Good luck.

Bob R

LexieCat

Yup, I agree with Bob up there. You can do this, with help. Rehab can be very helpful in getting you in a controlled environment for long enough to work intensely, but lots of us, including "hard cases" I know, got sober and stayed that way without ever setting foot in a rehab.

Spend a lot of time in meetings, find a sponsor, and get busy working on your recovery. It isn't like you can't do anything in the meantime. I went to meetings every day, and if I wasn't working, I would have gone to more, in the very beginning. Heck, I know people who practically lived at the AA clubhouse for the first several weeks. It CAN be done.

soberlicious

Hi Renaldo
I'm glad your detox was relatively uneventful.

The 30 day wait for rehab blows.

I'm just here to offer the cliche "hang in there". I see you've read the Big Book. Have you ever read any SMART literature or the Rational Recovery book? Now might be a good time to look into as many things as you can since you're probably fairly clear headed, and have some time.

and Fruit Loops?! Were they trying to kill you? Just remember, you never have to go through eating fruit loops again.

It's hard, yeah...but you can do hard, right?

quitforme79

I know that addictive voice very well. Can you commit to getting to a meeting every day before you go to rehab? That's what's working for me.

escapist

Hi Renaldo. Do you feel any better? You don't say in your report. You are detoxed but are you motivated or inspired by your experience? I know how I would feel but that's me. Fruit Loops? Is that a slam? Really how does one not take that personal?

vegibean

Renaldo, glad you went to detox, and I'm also glad you're going to rehab, there they will teach you coping skills. In the meantime I would stick to those meetings, they will save you. I do hope that you open up and share too, you'll be surprised how many will come to you with support as a newcomer. My best to you, hang in there, and know that you CAN do this!!

Itchy

Renaldo,
Sounds like you had a good detox experience. You hadn't mentioned any real pain or withdrawals. I had terrible shakes every morning and drank scotch in my coffee until they stopped and could not go a morning without. I had to go medical where they gave me librium and whatever else then dropped me down from them and seven days later was free painlessly of alcohol for good. For good? Yep, I quit for me, and to stop my slow suicide. All I needed was a jump start, and to get the stuff out of my system. My first months were a rollercoaster ride, but I was determined not to go through that again.

Focus on not wasting the gift you gave yourself. Have you noticed how many people here are concerned because they can't afford the rehab or detox they would like? Then why relapse or think about it all the time? If you can't afford it now, how will spending your money on alcohol help your finances, not to mention your career and ability to keep making some money?

I have insurance. I can afford it. I wanted to quit. I would never want to go through the whole dang thing again! And now, having saved my booze and three packs a day cigarette money, I could likely afford the celebrity rehab spas.

But why? Because I quit planning to have cravings until I do my planned relapse.

Yes I got busy here, going to AA, reading everything SMART had on their website which is a bunch, had counselors, my docs, and friends support.

AA is free. Counseling is available for free or clise if you have income in most places.

We have all these concerns. The cost of medical and ambulances? If you stay quit no matter what, you won't have those expenses. Rehab helps. Detox helps. But no pill or lickup can keep us from drinking because WE believed it was inevitable.

In teaching competitive sport we had to teach mind control. When they failed they would beat themselves up and rerun that event over and over in their mind. Feeling every action and sense as they happened in the sequence they happened and went wrong.

Negative rehearsal. They were more likely to repeat the mistakes since they were non stop practicing doing the wrong thing!

Consistent success means one has mentally rehearsed the perfect event in whatever sport. The perfect swing and how it felt. Success means having one perfect event memorized. Shaking off a mistake simply means to intercept your mental video player, stop the bad event from repeating over and over by starting non-stop replays of the perfect shot, swing, throw, run, and how it felt, the sensory checklist to replace it.

If you can stop mentally rehearsing your relapse and fear of it, and start thinking of yourself as a non drinker, and do AA, reading, SR, and anything else you can think of that helps you see your success, and rehearse that thought, you are more likely to have those become your personal self-fulfilling prophecy.

Start by not rehearsing relapse to the point of planning it to happen between now and rehab. That is the point of one day at a time. Mentally plan to make it one day, then do it by repeating one day today over as much as needed. Before you know it, it is habit. Even for wretches like us.

Hang in there, you are worth it.

renaldo

Thank you all for your kind responses.

It's hard to say. Certainly my bowel movements are more cohesive. I still feel concern about the future. Although I don't sleep as soundly as I did when I was drinking my previous amount, when I lie awake in bed, my mind is at relative peace and doesn't run over things over and over.

For instance when I did have a spell when I couldn't sleep when drinking, I would get some neutral (and occasionally negative) phrase stuck in my mind and it would just run over and over again.

This detox place said they didn't use medicine and that they used a diet based approach. That was kind of a joke. It was soup kitchen quality food. Out of the close to 3 days I was there, the only vegetables they had was once when they had some thawed out frozen mixed vegetables.

I'm not a vegetarian, but if you were, you'd be up the proverbial excretory canal without proper means of propulsion.

The Fruit Loops... well, for a person with no income like me, this place only cost $6/day. If you are totally penniless, they don't turn you down and it's free, so you get what you pay for. I certainly couldn't afford to go where Robin Williams went.

But I don't harbor resentment. The people there were really nice to me. I think they were fond of me because I'm so well behaved.

One guy came in there. His face was bashed up from an altercation with the law. He laughed about it, saying he couldn't remember squat about the incident. He was very boisterous. You would think he was the happiest guy in the world. It all seemed like a big joke to him.

He said, "you know what 5 words you should never say to a cop?"

"No, you assume the position."

Maybe I'm too analytical about the nature of my condition, but I do have a sense of humor. During my intake interview I was asked when the last time I drank was and I said, "in the parking lot here," and then I raised my finger in the air and said smiling with raised eyebrows, "but I didn't drink and drive."

In terms of whether I feel motivated and inspired, I will re-confirm that I am doing this for myself, not for others, but there will be others, including myself, who will be saddened if I don't follow through, and that's a motivator.

I feel hopeful in the sense that I can lie in bed at night and not fear nightmares. Don't know why that has changed, but it certainly is a relief.

I don't get in trouble with the law, get in fights, go to bars or any that stuff. I guess the main drawback of beer for me is that I enjoy myself and put off stuff (like paperwork) that I really need to buckle down and take care of.

The sheer volume of paperwork I have from the state of CA regarding social services is overwhelming. Six confusing contradictory letters about one thing. You call to clarify and it takes so much time. The next time you call because you've gotten another letter that contradicts the previous one, you go through all the prompts, and when you finally get a person, they tell you something that contradicts what you were told the last time you called.

Oy vey!

Fallow

Hi Renaldo, hope you decide to stay stopped. Sounds like theres nothin left 'out there' for you. Im sure having to detox again wouldnt be worth it.