Originally Posted by Threshold

Wait, this guy said HE really could go for a beer, and somehow that translates into him being an insensitive butt and not supportive? Am I missing something?

I mean, you know the guy, I don't and if you need to cross him off the buddy list for your well being do so. But I'm not getting how lack of total solidarity by everyone within a certain radius of us translates into them being an insensitive undermining boob.

You went to a BREWERY with this guy and a few days later are blasting him for saying he wants a beer, and doesn't he know that suddenly that subject is tabboo?

Nope, people who don't have addiction problems don't understand. They don't understand the "never again" thing, many of us in recovery had to test that theory ourselves a couple three times before we realized that yup, it DOES apply to us.

I have real actual friends who occasionally still ask if I want wine with dinner or whatever, because they don't know if me being in recovery meant I stopped for awhile till I got a handle on things, or just needed to cut back to special occasions only, or if it's a total across the board ban on booze. They are not being insensitive.

I think that it is hard for the people around us to understand, especially the first few weeks and months in. Especially when last week we were celebrating our "last drink"...that does sort of make it hard to grasp that this is deadly serious business.

Like going to a strip bar and getting lap dances the night before a guys wedding...yeah that reeks of life long fidelity, and the boys should NEVER mention getting laid again around us, the "family man"....

I suppose this is coming off as grossly unsupportive, and I know how touchy we can be, especially early on, but recovery is the time we STOP pointing fingers at others as the reason we drank, couldn't stop drinking, start drinking again, etc etc.

For years we were our own worst friend, talking bs to ourselves about drinking, lying to ourselves, our friends, and everyone around us, now a few days in we are full of self righteousness and angry that THEY don't get it and kiss our butt for this amazing thing we are doing.

THe only world that starts spinning in a new direction when we get sober is our own. Focus on that one. Tell your friend you can't join him in a beer and make alternative plans for yourself. Remember that no one else was responsible for your drinking and they are not responsible for your recovery either.