Friend?
Huh?
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 474
Friend?
One of my friends, I just can't figure out if he really supports my sobriety or secretly thinks I'm overreacting. He was the person I drank with last night.
He's said numerous times how proud he is of my efforts, and never tries to pressure me to drink. He comes from a family of addicts, but doesn't drink as much as me.
Last night, I texted him saying I wanted a beer to celebrate my car. He replied "I don't really know what to say to that." I said "I think I've got a better handle on it now, and I just want a little celebration." He said "I like it."
After my first beer, he asked if I wanted a Bloody Mary.....
I did have more than 1 beer last night. I'd think if he were really supportive, he'd have (aside from NOT saying "I like it") at least made a comment when I drank more. But he didn't. He just drank with me.
He is a very unhappy person in general, and I think he gets jealous or more self-loathing when other people succeed at something. He's already made "Joking" comments about how I'm going to leave him and the city after I get my degree.
Anyway....thoughts?
He's said numerous times how proud he is of my efforts, and never tries to pressure me to drink. He comes from a family of addicts, but doesn't drink as much as me.
Last night, I texted him saying I wanted a beer to celebrate my car. He replied "I don't really know what to say to that." I said "I think I've got a better handle on it now, and I just want a little celebration." He said "I like it."
After my first beer, he asked if I wanted a Bloody Mary.....
I did have more than 1 beer last night. I'd think if he were really supportive, he'd have (aside from NOT saying "I like it") at least made a comment when I drank more. But he didn't. He just drank with me.
He is a very unhappy person in general, and I think he gets jealous or more self-loathing when other people succeed at something. He's already made "Joking" comments about how I'm going to leave him and the city after I get my degree.
Anyway....thoughts?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 24
HereiAm:
But you called him to go out for a drink and he wasn't the one that made the suggestion. Sure, he could have maybe been more resistant, but to me it seems you already had your mind made up so nothing he would have said otherwise would have probably stopped you from having that beer. Plus, he has his own issues as you say, so he can only really be responsible for himself, as you have to be for yourself. I think he's a friend, but alcohol isn't.
Glad you're getting right back on the plan, though!
But you called him to go out for a drink and he wasn't the one that made the suggestion. Sure, he could have maybe been more resistant, but to me it seems you already had your mind made up so nothing he would have said otherwise would have probably stopped you from having that beer. Plus, he has his own issues as you say, so he can only really be responsible for himself, as you have to be for yourself. I think he's a friend, but alcohol isn't.
Glad you're getting right back on the plan, though!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Here's some thoughts, 3
That is about the longest post I have seen you write at SR. We can help you if you let us, but you can't just start a thread titled "Help" and your entire first post is "Help." What you're doing here is a start--but it's too late.
You needed to share with us (or your sponsor) that you have not severed ties to friends that still use or drink. This car celebration almost sounds carefully planned, but I don't remember seeing any posts about it until after it happened.
Can't figure out how to close, but I think I've said enough.
That is about the longest post I have seen you write at SR. We can help you if you let us, but you can't just start a thread titled "Help" and your entire first post is "Help." What you're doing here is a start--but it's too late.
You needed to share with us (or your sponsor) that you have not severed ties to friends that still use or drink. This car celebration almost sounds carefully planned, but I don't remember seeing any posts about it until after it happened.
Can't figure out how to close, but I think I've said enough.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Ultimately it is your responsibility whether you drink or not. I have avoided certain people in recovery because they remind me of drinking or because they give me a hard time about it, but the final call is with me. No one can make me drink if I don't want to, and I've had someone try to physically make me drink so I know that.
Your friend hesitated, that shows good judgement. Why didn't you hesitate to drink HereIam? x
Your friend hesitated, that shows good judgement. Why didn't you hesitate to drink HereIam? x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Most of my friends drink, but they would never encourage me to drink.
You made the choice to drink with him, that really isn't a reflection on him so much as it is you, IMO. You know what I mean?? It's not his job to say "nope, I'm not drinking with you", though that may be noble of him, but it was your choice.
He still could very well be your friend. All of my friends drink and I think one of the MAIN reasons why NONE OF THEM said anything about my drinking "patterns" because they'd have to look at their own unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but that's the way I see it. Anytime we pick up a drink or drug, we are the one making that action, no one else is making us. WE are responsible for our sobriety.
You made the choice to drink with him, that really isn't a reflection on him so much as it is you, IMO. You know what I mean?? It's not his job to say "nope, I'm not drinking with you", though that may be noble of him, but it was your choice.
He still could very well be your friend. All of my friends drink and I think one of the MAIN reasons why NONE OF THEM said anything about my drinking "patterns" because they'd have to look at their own unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but that's the way I see it. Anytime we pick up a drink or drug, we are the one making that action, no one else is making us. WE are responsible for our sobriety.
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