My partner
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: danville va
Posts: 2
My partner
Well Im here because Im not sure where to go or how to handle my situation. My partner has fallen into drinking to the extent of falling down on the weekends(Friday and Sat) and sometimes taking shots of whiskey thru the weekdays. This has been going on for 4-5 years and varies in intensity. Sometime more sometime not. She has a background of recreational drug use and really never drank until we dated. I myself have had battles with alcohol and may drink lightly occasionally but I have control of it. I find myself unable to have a drink in the house because it gives her the ok to go wild in her mind. We have 2 children and one is very aware of her behaviour and the other is not. When not drinking she is mostly angry and hostile every day. I have talked to her many many times about seeing someone and she inssist her behavior is normal. She acts as if Im the bad guy here for saying anything to her about that or anything. Im nearly finished with this situation. I need help
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
I am an alcoholic and I am sure I made everyone who came in contact with me miserable. There is a friends and family forum here. You will find a lot of others who are in your situation. From the alcoholics view, anyone who gets in the way of their drinking is considered the enemy. I don't feel that way now but I did when I was drinking every day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Finger Lakes, NY
Posts: 521
I am so sorry to hear what ur going thru. I have put my family thru absolute hell on many occasions. I know there are support groups that offer help to family & friends of all types of addicts. Hang in there. My man threatened to leave me if I didn't stop drinking. That was my bottom. I didn't want to lose everything and everyone I love. Hopefully, she will find her bottom and get help.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
My wife is an alcoholic too. We almost broke up just before our 40th anniversary as her anger issues and manipulations are getting progressively worse. I have been sober for two years, and she and I went to counseling where she seemed to make progress. But it appears to be just enough to keep things reasonable. I made an appointment to take care of me with the same counselor alone.
One day she may be one of those who claims alcohol took away everything. Or keeps drinking and becomes a bitter loser. No matter you need to learn you are a part of your problem, and you can't change her. They depend on our trying to build the guilt they use as a substitute for love, and to let out their rage at themselves, in anybody close so they are too busy lickung wounds to have time to figure out who made them.
You can take care from, and of, yourself. Sometimes you have to let go. It goes against how they have conditioned us. The worst part is we dud it too, in the past. But we don't have to today.
Get to an alanon meeting and a counselor for yourself to deal with your issues. I know, that makes no sense now. It doesn't until you start your own recovery from her behaviors. Sometimes to be happy, we have to leave them alone to hit their bottom. Otherwise we hit it together. Think about that. We each have that choice.
One day she may be one of those who claims alcohol took away everything. Or keeps drinking and becomes a bitter loser. No matter you need to learn you are a part of your problem, and you can't change her. They depend on our trying to build the guilt they use as a substitute for love, and to let out their rage at themselves, in anybody close so they are too busy lickung wounds to have time to figure out who made them.
You can take care from, and of, yourself. Sometimes you have to let go. It goes against how they have conditioned us. The worst part is we dud it too, in the past. But we don't have to today.
Get to an alanon meeting and a counselor for yourself to deal with your issues. I know, that makes no sense now. It doesn't until you start your own recovery from her behaviors. Sometimes to be happy, we have to leave them alone to hit their bottom. Otherwise we hit it together. Think about that. We each have that choice.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hi justadad. I'm an al-anon member and I can assure you I understand the concern of "airing your problems" but.....We ALL share the same problems. I knew people when I walked into my first meeting and I won't lie...it was a little awkward. BUT...you don't even need to share if you aren't ready. I find just sitting quietly, listening to others stories as well as the responses to them, eventually gave me the strength to open up. I can also tell you I have never left a meeting without a nugget of some truth that rattles around in my head for days and gives me silent strength when I need it. I don't think you'd ever regret attending....but you may someday regret NOT attending. I feel a bit like "come on, drink the kool aid, you'll like it"....but it very well could open up some new lines of thinking and insight for you.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
As said,
It is a two way street. They might be afraid to see you there, then they realize that you each keep your own by keeping the other's anonymity.
Put another way, how would they explain being at the meeting?
It is a two way street. They might be afraid to see you there, then they realize that you each keep your own by keeping the other's anonymity.
Put another way, how would they explain being at the meeting?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Take a look at our friends and families forum for more support from people who have been in your situation.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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