Serenityforme

Feeling very frightened of losing everything including my mind

jazzfish

I've been there before. For me, it was the end game of too many years of excessive drinking. The horrible feeling of pending doom was actually a wonderful motivator for beginning to make changes in my life. What's going on with you?

LadyinBC

Hi Serenty,

Welcome to SR you will find lots of help and support here. Many of us have felt the same way t some point.

Dee74

Hi serenityforme

I remember feeling like that too - but it is possible to step away from the abyss.
Supports very important - and you'll find a lot of that here

you're not alone - welcome to the gang

D

renaldo

My brain isn't firing on all cylinders and my addictive mind sez, 'aw, that abyss is just a tiny hole. You can step over it with great aplomb. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill, etc.'

But it is a big deal, no matter how I dress it up and fluff it up around the edges. Today is the moment of truth for me. Giving up my "buddy" once and for all. [Insert expletives here].

My best wishes to you and everyone with that monkey clinging to their back. The monkey's having a good time, but it's annoying.

soberclover

If I focused on all of the things, people, money, my reputation, my self-esteem that I lost due to my drinking and all of the antics that went with it, I would lose my mind. I, however, have decided that I need to let all of that go. While I do not want to forget my past as it is part of my life story, I do want to be able to move on with my recovery. I can be responsible for today and for not drinking today.

This will pass. Reach out for support and do something for someone else today; that always makes me feel better.

MIRecovery

AA saved my life and it can save yours too if you let it.

Serenityforme

Thank you all for your kind and inspiring words..I didnt drink everyday . It started a long time ago as a teenager. Alcohol was fun then and gave me confidence. It continued into my twenties and thirties when it was looked on as partying as it appeared everyone around me was doing the same - you know the rave seen thing. Where I grew out of party drugs the drinking continued and has to this day. I guess I am what they call a functioning alcoholic. I cant stop at 1 or 2 I have to finish the bottle. I get drunk at least twice a week . It affects work sometimes ,like today, I have to have a day off and feel very suicidal. Looking back over the years drink has been at the basis of all the problems I have incurred. I am just sick to death of this liquid ruling my life. I am frightened that I dont have the will power to stop..Believe me I cant tell you how many times I have felt so remorseful and genuinely wanted to stop. I feel like a prisoner to this stuff - I sometimes just think I am evil or possessed. I hope and pray that from today I can find the strength to stop. I have a wonderful husband and a job I love - so much to be grateful for. Its like I have to destroy anything good in my life. Thank you all again for your words of encouragement I pray to God that I can rid myself of this destructive and ugly addiction

least

to a very supportive place. I pray you find serenity. :ghug3

MIRecovery

So what is your plan to stop the insanity?

Serenityforme

Thank you for posing that question, until you did I hadnt really thought that I needed a plan, I thought it would all be down to will power. However, you have made me realise that of course I need some sort of plan to rid myself of years of habit and addiction. Firstly, I intend to bring my faith back - I was SO happy as a child when I sang in the choir - I still love to visit some of the old churches we have in our country. I usually visit when I have done something dreadful. I sit on my own and pray my faith will return. So, as from tonight I will kneel and pray for sobriety in my life - mornings too. My husband is American and a christian. He has been through addiction when he was younger and has suggested we pray many times before. Now I realise I need Jesus and his love to help me through this. I cannot go to meetings as my job requires odd hours and I dont have a regular day off. This has always been a problem until my husband found this site for me earlier this morning..so ,for today I will start here and hope that I can become a helpful member of this forum, many of you have done so well and what I have been reading has been inspiational..one step at a time seems to be the way to start. I have a very busy mind and that horrible voice of justifying my drinking can be very powerful, I have to find a way to kick its ability to control me

chainsaw4618

Hey Serenity. What Renaldo says: sometimes that old monkey bites hard. I've tried to quit numerous times, and I find that often the monkey becomes frustrated after we have been sober for a time and begins to throw everything at us: feelings of doom, poor self-image, loneliness. We just have to try to ride it out and keep our eyes on the prize: peace. My one significant period of success with a sober life came, in large part, from working with the SR community. Stay here and keep slogging through with us!

escapist

When I came here I was very sick. I got better here. You can too.