Allyson S.

Thanks for your wise words...

When I left last nights meeting I thought I woudn't go back...and for many of the reasons you just mentioned. I just can't seem to get over the fact that this is forever. That is sooooo oeverwhelming to me. And I know it sounds crazy but what will my friends think of this. Ally not using drugs??? Not getting high/getting others high at all the work social events ( and there are tons). I feel so overwhelmed about this changing who I am and then not being accepted. I don't think I know one person who doesn't have a drink or smoke a joint every now and then. Why can't I be like that? Just on the weekends and such. The meetings seem so hard for me. Everyone comming up and saying hello. I have a few numbers but it is not my nature to reach out. The nice thing about this site is that I can't see you all and I can hide behind my screen. A few of the women were asking where my meeting tonight was and did I want to go with them. That's a ton of pressure for me. I am trying not too tell anyone about this. It scares me...I hate letting people down...what if I can't do this and I fail? I think about all the fun plans I have comming up this summer and they all involve partying in some way or another. I am huge into music and usually take off Aug to follow The Dead and The Allmans Brothers. I am so totally stuck in my head right now and it can be a dark scarry place sometimes...ok most of the time...

Well I guess I am just bitching and moaning waiting for my mom or dad (yes I am 36 yrs old) to say its ok. Let's get high and talk about it. I got high for the first time with my dad's stash when I was 12 and then they caught me at 14. They told me I could get high with them when I turned 18. What a great thing to look forward to...now its a family thing. Three generations of family sitting in the livingroom listening to great music and having deep converstations. And all these people have there PHDs and whatnot. It used to sound great to me that this was my family. Now I am not so sure.

Enough babbling...thanks to all of you...I will go to the 12n meeting and just sit and listen...my ex-husband used to call me chicken little and that's how I feel and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!

ted

Hey Ally Good To Hear From You.
I Needed To Break It Down,forever Is Along Time,kinda Overwhelming!try Not Using Just Today.i Am The Same Way,thinking
To Far Down The Road Just Makes It,"to Much".as Far As Those Friends GO

i Had Plenty,but After I Was Down And Out,i Looked Around For My Friends Only To Find I Really Had None.just Food For Thought.
Have Faith,you Will Find Your Way.24 Hours Is All We Have.
Tommorow Will Be A New Day! Hang In Ally.

Dan

Keeping a secret at this point may be a mistake Ally. And about letting people down... only one let down would be you. These people at the meets that want to help? You don't have the power to hurt them.

justine

Hey Allyson,
I Like You Am Also A Newbie To This Site And Already These Amazing Caring People Have Helped To No End!!!!
On Your Pot Addiction, My Brother Was An Addict And N.a Has Helped Him To Where He Is Now.
Addiction Is Addiction Is Addiction!!!!!!!the Substance Is Just The Cause.we Each Have Our Own Different Demons To Face.
Good Luck!!!!!

Chy

Ally,

I balked at meetings my first few times too. I didn't like the huggy stuff. But I kept going back, listened, and finally started coming out my shell. It's hard living in society where it seems everyone around us "party's" but I know I can't party like most, alway's one more drink or not enough smoke. Your okay, really. It does get better.

mackat

Ripple in still water,
When there is no pebble tossed,
Nor wind to blow.


Reach out your hand if your cup be empty,
If your cup is full may it be again,
Let it be known there is a fountain,
That was not made by the hands of men.

[and even the one who used to be 'hug me and die motherf*****r' sez hugs to ya allyson]
mackat

Allyson S.

Thanks Macat---

One of my favorite tunes!!!

Her's to a weekend filled with sunshine and good clean fun!!!!!