Delilah1

I think the fact that you are trying to be supportive of people is great Trix, that is generally how my posts read as well. I have decided to stop counting days, I think it was becoming too much of an obsession.

Received

I also find a problem with the use of "slip". By definition, the word means: An act of sliding unintentionally for a short distance.

I can't ever remember accidentally sliding into an open bottle of beer which then leaped into my mouth and started forcing it's contents down my throat.

Then again...I guess anything is possible.

artsoul

I totally agree..... BUT: Just thinking of how tempting it would be if we heard from everyone that one drink, or half a drink, or whatever didn't "count." I'm just imagining how many alcoholics would be running to the liquor store on that one.

I know what you mean, though...... it's hard to start all over. I've done it a couple times and I feel so bad when it happens to anyone - it's not fun to go through. Suffering from addiction can give you a lot of compassion and I think that's a good thing.

Ohio1

I never liked the idea of counting days either- it feels like I'm moving toward some end when I should be focused on living each day and understanding the concept of everlasting change. People don't count the days they've been married lol, - hey everyone, I'm on day 44 of my marriage, wife is ok so far but IDK going forward...

SavingSelf

Interesting discussion. This is the first time ever I am counting days (I have tried to stop drinking many times before).. I think I will do it for the first year and then stop. I can't say I am obsessed about it as I keep forgetting and having to use the sobriety counter to figure it out.

As far as relapse, for me I would count any drinking on purpose a relapse....but I don't consider any sober time "wasted".

ruserius247

I would say relapse, but I was always told "relapse" is a part of sobriety.

I think that means, if we could just quit, then we wouldn't be alcoholics. No one is perfect, even if we are trying to be.
I just wouldn't be too hard on yourself, or myself, for that matter. Just got to keep trying.

LOL!! Great comparison.

TrixMixer

Hi Dee,

NO, never. I guess that is why I needed some guidance on the "term".

I must say I have the utmost admiration to those who have answered ----the general consensus seems to be Their HONESTY with themselves and others that make the difference for them. I thought I couldn't hold recovering alcoholics in any more esteem, but I see I was wrong.

I wonder if you (as a group) ever give yourself a break and realize what special people you are. Actually "Alcoholism " was a gift to me(if you can believe that), it opened up an entirely different world to me that allowed me to FEEL again and brought about COMPASSION for others.

There is no one I would rather be with then myself after taking this journey. I hope some of you understand and feel the same way I do, you all so deserve Peace in your lives.

I will say I am the one with the non-alcoholic beer questions also, because I
wondered if the 25 years of sobriety "clock" had to be reset, since I was on my way to craving that beer. Guess what, I was honest about it to this forum and myself, but I am going for the "still sober for 25 ", LOL.

Thanks again Dee and all, I feel I know all of you so much better.

Sincerely
TrixMixer

TrixMixer

I know how your posts read , Delilah 1. Big Fan here!

LadyinBC

I definately have more compassion for others and I'm learning that it is okay for me to do things for me and say no to people. I don't have to please everyone it is okay to please myself.

I think most of us have had very low self-esteem when we drank, at least I know I did. I do count the days I have been sober because dammit, I worked for those days and I'm proud of myself for doing it. I think we should all be proud of ourselves.

Ohio1

This is literally the exact thought process that kept me drunk for quite awhile. "Hey man, you had a rough day at work!! the boss was suuuuuuch a dick, of course you deserve a drink!!- any normal guy would, just a couple beers man come on you deserve it!!".

That became "hey man, you've quit for 3 days.... THREE DAYS!!!! no alcoholic goes 3 days without drinking!!! NONE! plus you feel way better, its not easy quitting for 3 days,,, you deserve it man!!!!".



Now I've finally done something differently and even with AA that stupid voice is still hanging around- that phrase just jumped out at me I've dealt with that thought process for so long.

phoebe64

You put this into words so well! Counting to me, up or down, implies or feels like, to me, there is a goal or end point. I think sobriety is more of a process, for those of us who are recovering, anyway. Similar to any life style change. Like a new way of eating. It just needs to be, and needs to stay that way.

I find I was obsessing more on drinking and not drinking, which basically had me thinking about drinking, all.the.time when I was marking each day. I can basically figure it out if I need to.

On the slip/relapse thing. well, I have had a slip, and a relapse. I do think they are different. I had 2 beers one night, admitted it, was honest. I consider that different than the slow spiraling relapse I had about a year or so ago, where I drank pretty moderately for months, then found it escalating.

it was useful, though. I had originally quit for a health reason, and not because I identified as alcoholic. The "relapse" proved to me I have no control. I thought I did.

I struggle with my weight as well. I lose control on certain kinds of food. My drinking is similar to this. The food is a big challenge, because it requires lifetime "moderation" and I think most here agree none is easier than moderation.

SavageHenry

my thought is that most people don't use alcohol as a crutch when times get tough (average Joe) and that is when it becomes a problem... so once you're back to using the crutch then you've obviously fallen over again so you need to learn to walk from scratch once again.

TrixMixer

OHIO!
I suppose I should have qualified my statement by saying I tend to want to go easy on someone who relapses, because they had the guts to stop drinking......for more than 3 days, lol. I was talking about the ones who have YEARS og sobriety behind them

TrixMixer

hamabi

Could it be like someone who has slowly lost 30 pounds by living differently, then resumes their old eating habits and is quickly back to their orignal problem weight?

Would you tell them they are not starting over, that those pounds they had lost are still gone? That they can just continue with their current weight and it'll be just as if they hadn't overeaten? That they can still wear their skinny outfits?

ScottFromWI

It probably depends on how you define sobriety for yourself as to how you define relapses. If you aspire for total sobriety, which many do - a relapse is a relapse, whether its after 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or 1 decade. And of course it doesn't take away from all the sober time, but it is what it is - drinking when you did not plan on it.

Michael66

I think a potential problem with not thinking of it as a relapse is the danger of thinking an occasional drink is OK. I think some of us have to avoid thinking in that way as we've learned the hard way of the danger of thinking that.

TrixMixer

NO! Drinking in moderation I am dead set against. No way, No How. If relapse leads to that then of course I consider that starting over. That is very dangerous. Agreed!

TrixMixer

ScottFrom WI,

The bolded sentence is a very good answer , and I can accept it is based on the individuals definition of sobriety.

Thank you

FlyerNation

Slight relapse.