needtostopthis

I want to first of all make it clear that TODAY i wan't to beat this addiction. I want to never have to be black out drunk again, i want to never say the things and do the things i have done while drunk. I can say this with 85 percent clarity TODAY and THAT is what scares me. Am i really done with alcohol? It feels so sad to me that i can't be a normal drinker and have a drink with my friends here and there or enjoy some wine with my husband. Thing is i can't do that. I have tried over and over. I started drinking when i was 17 and and have been binging since then, i am now almost 32 years old. It started out pretty innocent and i can say it was not a problem for me for years. Yes i drank, so did all my 20 something friends. We were young, and i never did anything i regretted while drunk. When i go to about age 25 is when it started making my life a little harder. More hangovers, more missed college classes etc. Then at 28 i really hit a low. I did something very bad that i rather not disclose right now. I hurt a loved one very badly. Thing is i keep hurting that person because i am in such a alcohol fog. I drink and do and say stupid things. The next day i feel horrible and promise never to be that drunk again. But then a few days passes and i do it again. Its a cycle of 3-4 days sober then 1 day blasted, then sober etc etc.
I have to stop this because i feel like i am old enough to get on with my life and live like a normal 32 year old. I have a kid, a husband and i good life but i keep messing it all up with booze. It dosent help that my husband is an alcoloic too, although i am much worse then him at this point. I am a awesome person when i a sober. I care so much about others, love my child so dearly and do everything for my family, but once i indulge i loose who i am.
So i am planning on going to a AA meeting in my town. I want to go when i feel the urge to drink. Which will probably be in about 3-4 days because i got drunk last night sadly.
Anyway sorry if this is all rambling. Hope to meet some good people here!

Dee74

Hi needtostopthis

I wasn't sure I wanted to quit completely or for good either - that is, I wanted to...mostly....but I wasn't sure I could do it....and I still wondered if there was a way just to not drink so much...

and my drinking? nearly killed me...that's how insane this thing is.

So although I wasn't sure I could do it, and altho it was scary, I knew I needed to try...and I'm glad I did.

Breaking the hold alcohol had on em gave me back my perspective and gave me back my life.

It may not be easy - but you're not alone here
It will be the very best thing you ever do for yourself.

Welcome to SR

D

needtostopthis

Thank you Dee, may i ask how long you have been sober?

I know i want to be sober, but more then anything (if i am being honest) i wish i could just drink and keep it under control. I know this will NEVER happen because i am 32 and been saying that i could keep it under control for about 7 years now. Hasnt happened. So i know its all or nothing. I just keep wondering how the heck i am gonna do this!?

Hevyn

Welcome needtostop! It's great you found us.

I drank all my life, and today is my 5th yr. anniversary off it. I never thought I'd do it, but SR helped me face my problem and gave me the courage to change. I should have done what you're doing at 32. I went on trying to manage and control my drinking for another 20 yrs. You can imagine the chaos my life turned into. This doesn't need to happen to you.

I had your same warning signs and behavior pattern. I chose to ignore this because I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. By the time I stopped, it had taken all the joy out of me - I was just a shell, going through the motions. You won't be missing a thing by kicking it out of your life. You can do it!

Anna

You can do it by just doing it. Don't drink this evening. Get rid of the alcohol in the house. Shake up your routine and daily patterns. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off drinking for a few minutes. Come here and read and learn and be inspired. You can do this.

least

to our recovery family! You're smart to quit drinking so young before something really bad happens to you. It's hard at first but living sober is worth the effort.

vegibean

That was me before too. I drank til I could drink no more, go a few days, feel better and then... "yeah, I'm feeling ok, I'm going to go get some wine", and the cycle would begin again.

My suggestion, you really need to get some coping skills for dealing with what you're dealing with. If you haven't been to a meeting, please go to one, and many more. Seek out a therapist that specializes in addiction and mental health combined (I encourage this if you have insurance), and even if possible, got into an intensive treatment program, that would be even better.

I went to treatment for a looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time, and it was THE BEST THING I ever did for myself. It also allowed me to come back from my recent relapse KNOWING what I need to do, because I do, indeed, already know what to do to stay sober.

This site is incredibly supportive and great to help keep you sober because you're among others who are like you, but there needs to be something more than getting past those few crappy days, and then your addicted brain kicks in and starts talking to you.

I wish you the very, very best. Been there, hated it, and I don't want to do it any more. :ghug3

Dee74

since April 2007

D

vegibean

And as least said to you, you're still young enough where you can physically, and health-wise bounce out of this without any physical ramifications.

I know three people who died from drinking, it's for real.