Hungover Again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
Hungover Again.
My husband and I have been, the last few years, struggling financially. No I don't think that was the reason I got drunk last night, but while I was drinking I told myself that it was ok because of my money problems. Of course today that makes no sense to me.
I had been doing really well, and I messed up again and now I'm so depressed. Why I do this to myself, I don't know. I blacked out and don't even remember going to bed. I was thinking about drinking since I woke up yesterday morning. It's insane how my brain works. I'm so angry with myself. I suck at sobriety and at being a Mom.
I had been doing really well, and I messed up again and now I'm so depressed. Why I do this to myself, I don't know. I blacked out and don't even remember going to bed. I was thinking about drinking since I woke up yesterday morning. It's insane how my brain works. I'm so angry with myself. I suck at sobriety and at being a Mom.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
You don't suck at anything...I know I drank like that because that's what alcoholics do. You've been a member here a long time...Have you tried anything else besides this site to get and stay sober?...It may be as simple as trying something different.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
How old are your boys? What led me here recently (my second visit) was a deep desire to be a better dad. I was doing a good job ... but could have been better. Alcohol was taking me away from my family. It took me a long time to see that, but there were many times when I was there in body, but not in spirit.
I'm glad you posted.
I'm glad you posted.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Mammyof3boys 
Not much to be honest. I keep saying I will go to a meeting but I stay sober long enough to feel that I don't need to. Then I mess up again, I doubt my alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I hear this read at every meeting I go to....I can never forget it.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Have you tried counseling? I have found that it help a lot. I also have been doing a ton of reading of books related to women and alcoholism. I finally hit my wall when I came to in the intensive care unit at the hospital. I was lucky at the time that my son was with his father. My body cannot handle or metabolize alcohol anymore; that is why I was blacking out ALL THE TIME. You can do this! If you can't for yourself then do it for your boys and in time you may realize that it is for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
You need to give yourself a chance, Mammyof3boys. Being and staying sober gets easier over time as it becomes the norm. Having a good period of sober time behind you gives you a feeling of power over any urges or desires. As long as you continue to believe your excuses are valid then you will continue to drink. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but it is true. It was only when I admitted to myself that absolutely nothing in this world was a good reason to drink, and that all it did was make everything a million times worse, that I found staying sober pretty easy. I found some situations difficult over Christmas, with alcohol being everywhere, but I told myself over and over again that there was absolutely no point in drinking it (because there isn't) and that I would wake up in the morning feeling sick and awful if I did. I also played the drink through... I saw what I was going to be like after one drink - desperate for another, and saw what I'd be like after 10 - a mess. When you come to realisations that being sober is infinitely better than all of that, staying sober pretty much happens by itself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
Nothing changes if nothing changes, you know? I stayed stopped for 49 days on my own (didnt count at the time but figured it out after the fact) last summer and then drank at a wedding. Drank (and got drunk) two more times within the next 3 weeks. I doubted my alcoholism too...for years. I waivered between thinking I could control it to thinking I could not ever stop completely so why try. I knew this fall I was heading back to heavy drinking if I didn't change something.
I started reading/posting here. Admitted to myself once and for all that I was an alcoholic. Started attending AA meetings....recently got a sponsor. And now I am at day 79. Has it been easy? No. (although finally admitting I was an alcoholic has helped immensely) Does my life still have its ups and downs? Absolutely...I am dealing with my child having a terminal illness. But there isnt any problem that drinking is going to make better. And I would rather be depressed/sad etc and sober than depressed and drunk or hungover.
In addition, there are so many perks. NOT being hungover, for one. I've been going to the gym at 5 AM (only time I can get there and amazingly could not do it after a night of drinking). I have lost the 20 lbs that drinking put on me. I feel sooooo much better physically, and feel better knowing I am doing the right thing. The "draw" of alcohol still pops up for me at times--but nowhere near where as often used to. This time last year I was drinking most every night. Now I do so many things differently--read here, post here, read my old posts, go to meetings.
Try changing what you are doing and see if that helps. Post here before rather than after drinking. Try an AA meeting (or another type if AA is not for you--I didn't think it was for me for years but I was wrong).
You can do this.
I started reading/posting here. Admitted to myself once and for all that I was an alcoholic. Started attending AA meetings....recently got a sponsor. And now I am at day 79. Has it been easy? No. (although finally admitting I was an alcoholic has helped immensely) Does my life still have its ups and downs? Absolutely...I am dealing with my child having a terminal illness. But there isnt any problem that drinking is going to make better. And I would rather be depressed/sad etc and sober than depressed and drunk or hungover.
In addition, there are so many perks. NOT being hungover, for one. I've been going to the gym at 5 AM (only time I can get there and amazingly could not do it after a night of drinking). I have lost the 20 lbs that drinking put on me. I feel sooooo much better physically, and feel better knowing I am doing the right thing. The "draw" of alcohol still pops up for me at times--but nowhere near where as often used to. This time last year I was drinking most every night. Now I do so many things differently--read here, post here, read my old posts, go to meetings.
Try changing what you are doing and see if that helps. Post here before rather than after drinking. Try an AA meeting (or another type if AA is not for you--I didn't think it was for me for years but I was wrong).
You can do this.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Sapling
I hear this read at every meeting I go to....I can never forget it.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
[QUOTE=soberclover;3770565]Have you tried counseling? I have found that it help a lot. I also have been doing a ton of reading of books related to women and alcoholism. I finally hit my wall when I came to in the intensive care unit at the hospital. I was lucky at the time that my son was with his father. My body cannot handle or metabolize alcohol anymore; that is why I was blacking out ALL THE TIME. You can do this! If you can't for yourself then do it for your boys and in time you may realize that it is for yourself.[/
could that be why i blacked out? That's frightening to me. I do think I should see a counselor too. Not sure if I can afford one though.
could that be why i blacked out? That's frightening to me. I do think I should see a counselor too. Not sure if I can afford one though.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
Originally Posted by WhoDey
How old are your boys? What led me here recently (my second visit) was a deep desire to be a better dad. I was doing a good job ... but could have been better. Alcohol was taking me away from my family. It took me a long time to see that, but there were many times when I was there in body, but not in spirit.
I'm glad you posted.
I'm glad you posted.
That's why I came here the first time, for them. But I failed again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
Originally Posted by SavingSelf
Nothing changes if nothing changes, you know? I stayed stopped for 49 days on my own (didnt count at the time but figured it out after the fact) last summer and then drank at a wedding. Drank (and got drunk) two more times within the next 3 weeks. I doubted my alcoholism too...for years. I waivered between thinking I could control it to thinking I could not ever stop completely so why try. I knew this fall I was heading back to heavy drinking if I didn't change something.
I started reading/posting here. Admitted to myself once and for all that I was an alcoholic. Started attending AA meetings....recently got a sponsor. And now I am at day 79. Has it been easy? No. (although finally admitting I was an alcoholic has helped immensely) Does my life still have its ups and downs? Absolutely...I am dealing with my child having a terminal illness. But there isnt any problem that drinking is going to make better. And I would rather be depressed/sad etc and sober than depressed and drunk or hungover.
In addition, there are so many perks. NOT being hungover, for one. I've been going to the gym at 5 AM (only time I can get there and amazingly could not do it after a night of drinking). I have lost the 20 lbs that drinking put on me. I feel sooooo much better physically, and feel better knowing I am doing the right thing. The "draw" of alcohol still pops up for me at times--but nowhere near where as often used to. This time last year I was drinking most every night. Now I do so many things differently--read here, post here, read my old posts, go to meetings.
Try changing what you are doing and see if that helps. Post here before rather than after drinking. Try an AA meeting (or another type if AA is not for you--I didn't think it was for me for years but I was wrong).
You can do this.
I started reading/posting here. Admitted to myself once and for all that I was an alcoholic. Started attending AA meetings....recently got a sponsor. And now I am at day 79. Has it been easy? No. (although finally admitting I was an alcoholic has helped immensely) Does my life still have its ups and downs? Absolutely...I am dealing with my child having a terminal illness. But there isnt any problem that drinking is going to make better. And I would rather be depressed/sad etc and sober than depressed and drunk or hungover.
In addition, there are so many perks. NOT being hungover, for one. I've been going to the gym at 5 AM (only time I can get there and amazingly could not do it after a night of drinking). I have lost the 20 lbs that drinking put on me. I feel sooooo much better physically, and feel better knowing I am doing the right thing. The "draw" of alcohol still pops up for me at times--but nowhere near where as often used to. This time last year I was drinking most every night. Now I do so many things differently--read here, post here, read my old posts, go to meetings.
Try changing what you are doing and see if that helps. Post here before rather than after drinking. Try an AA meeting (or another type if AA is not for you--I didn't think it was for me for years but I was wrong).
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by Mammyof3boys
I told myself that it was ok because of my money problems. Of course today that makes no sense to me.
What changes can you make in your life that will bring you to a place where drinking never makes sense and is no longer an option?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by Mammyof3boys
I don't know. I wish I knew what changes I need to make.
Yes?
In the first days of my recovery, I found it most helpful reading 'Sober for Good.'
Your addiction to alcohol cannot be wished away.
Direct, concrete and consistent action is the way towards permanent sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
[QUOTE=Mammyof3boys;3770600] A lot of us can't afford counseling...I wish I could...I guess that's just another reason I like AA...It's free...And the support I receive there comes from some well qualified individuals.
Originally Posted by soberclover
I do think I should see a counselor too. Not sure if I can afford one though.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
"Your addiction to alcohol cannot be wished away" Xune, that's a very powerful little sentence! I think the sooner we realize we are the only ones who can make us quit the better. Looking for answers through others, while helpful, doesn't do the job-we do. Will check out that book you recommended too.
Mammy, please try again for the sake of you and your family. They deserve a functioning mom and you deserve to be healthy and happy. Drinking will never solve financial problems, or any other problem and you know that. AVRT may help you learn how to think through the urges to drink and help you choose not to. I found it very helpful.
Don't be scared of another day one. It can be the start of something wonderful for you. It can be today and start right now. Keep it simple. Just don't drink.
Mammy, please try again for the sake of you and your family. They deserve a functioning mom and you deserve to be healthy and happy. Drinking will never solve financial problems, or any other problem and you know that. AVRT may help you learn how to think through the urges to drink and help you choose not to. I found it very helpful.
Don't be scared of another day one. It can be the start of something wonderful for you. It can be today and start right now. Keep it simple. Just don't drink.
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