Tired of explaining
 

I feel very lucky to have my partner. I am just tired if explaining myself, every time I go somewhere without our her I come home to her all upset every time. She bought tickets to a show for us at Christmas. It turned out that she could not go I went with my daughter. I called my partner after the show hoping to tell her what a good time we had. Only I get home from the show just to hear cow she feels she is being taken advantage of, may I just say this is not the first time. I am working really hard to stay sober right now it's only been about 3 weeks and let me say I feel like going out to have a drink right now the only thing stopping me is my daughter is using my car. My partner tells me that I only called her once and I did not leave a message she knows I very rarely leave messages. She also knew I was going to see a friend that I have not seen in awhile at this show tonight so after the show we went to have coffee. I came home right after that. So, how did I take advantage of her tonight, she made me feel like **** just because she was unable to go. I just don't understand at all what I did. This is not the first time this has happened I get something like this almost every week. I am tired of trying to explain myself when I am doing nothing wrong. Anyone one have any ideas as to how to handle this situation I am starting to feel like she wants complete control on what I am doing all the time.

Well, at three weeks, your emotions are still unsettled. Just sharing helps!

How much does your partner support your recovery? Are there AA and Al-Anon meetings nearby?

I had a few relationship problems at the beginning too, and for me, being honest and open helped plus sobriety is allowing me to learn how to communicate with my partner instead of act passive aggressive. My drinking and drug use was a way to stuff emotions so now I get to express them and the result is usually good if I pause first and remind myself to be an adult.

Did she have control when you were drinking and you weren't aware of it?

Seems something is different now.

She is a person that has to try and control everything going on in the house. We don't go out anywhere, we do not do any entertaining with friends, we have very few friends. She has a really good friend she talks with all the time I really don't have anyone and when I do have a close friend she always finds something wrong with them. I have actually watched her disengage her relationship with some of her family members and she does not have the best relationship with her kids. They do not come to visit us at all we have to go their houses if we want to see them. I find sometimes things are just not the way she tells me at all, she has said things to me that I have to double take on and I have approached people on some of what she ghastly said to me and they tell me that it is not the way she has told me. I just don't think this is an issue with me I think it's her and it has been for a bit. Don't get me wrong I am taking responsibility for my issues. This problem with her has been there for years.

I would try and get her to go to Al-anon Cyndy. That would help her let go a bit maybe. I have been in controlling relationships before and it's not nice and makes you feel like you're going nuts. I wasn't able to make a single new friend when I was with my ex and he was highly suspicious of any existing ones. But I let him control me a lot. Make sure you have friends outside of the relationship (this is just a healthy thing to do) and don't let fear of someone's reaction control the way you live x