soberlicious

Thank you!! My thoughts exactly. I used the same "I can't handle the pain" to keep getting drunk for years.

How do I feel now that I don't drink?
Like a grown-up who takes responsibility.
Like a parent that can be respected.
Like a strong person who can handle life.
Like the amazing woman that I am.

Sasha4

You are probably in shock a little bit.

Ending up alone, broke and homeless does not sound fair, but is your life a little bit freer from chaos and drama?

I went through a hard time when my partner had an affair and left me with a three month old baby. He has come back now but I don't know if a clean break would have been better.

I just wanted it all to go away, for everything to go back to 'normal'. I did not want to explain to people I had just had a baby and he had left. I could not bear to think what people were thinking. I just wanted my life back and for it all to be easier. But by doing that, things really got a lot harder.

Our relationship was far from normal and it is still that way today.

Staying was easier, but the problems still remain.
Going and starting again would have been hard at first. Very hard, but eventually things would have got better.

I understand you feel sad, but everyday you will start to feel a bit better. Some days you will be sad, some days angry, some days you will realise that you have gone two hours without thinking about him.

I think if you can get your finances and home situation better, then you may feel more grounded, more stable. You must be feeling like the rug has been pulled from under you big time at the moment.

He also does not sound very happy if he has a new partner and yet all he can do is bleat on that you 'ruined his life'. If he was head over heels in love I doubt he would be even giving a second thought to the impact you had on his life.

Surround yourself with people who love you.
Don't be on your own.
If you can go no contact with him.
I deleted his numbers so I could not ring him and shout or text when I was angry or sad and that was one of the best things I ever did. It made me ring other people and reach out somewhere else.

This really is not your fault.

xx

Ohio1

Looks like my tinfoil hat has not stopped people from channelling my thoughts eh?

This is exactly why I drank- I would play up that image in my mind of the fuzzy warm feeling of booze and that wonderful oblivion that made everything go away for a few hours every night. I can't personally say I felt bad when I didn't drink I just felt much much MUCH better when I did and just as powerful as the one day at a time concept is in the positive sense- you can destroy your life very easily 1 day at a time as well. Its easy to say for years "I'll cut back tomorrow", or some such nonsense.

BabyJane

I don't claim to know how others feel or why people do what they do, but for me, I always had this underlying personal dogma, if you will, or perhaps it was just my personality, but it was this belief that life was just NOT ok. Ever.

I lived in fear and when I wasn't afraid I was generally just aggitated or discontent. I could never seem to find my "niche" or the thing I truly felt passionate about, I looked everywhere for something to make life worth living but couldn't find it.

Finally after suffering from OCD, depression and an eating disorder that almost killed me, I found alcohol. It didnt fix everything it just made me not CARE that things were so uncomfortable. It numbed the pain and helped me function because I was less anxious and less obsessive.... Then it turned on me and things really got bad.

Best way I can describe it.

ruserius247

I did not read all the posts. But to answer your question.

Some days: Like S-H-I-T
Other days, I feel great.

Today happens to be a crappy day for me. But I know it will change.

ruserius247

for me its "unloved"

I think its different for others, could be any number of terms for inadequate.
I don't know. I can not explain it either. Alcohol is an escape for myself, I forget my emotional problems or feelings of inadequacy.
I forget that my dad is abusive and my mom is emotionally shut off.
I forget that I am going to have to live my life, without approval from my parents.
I forget that no matter what I do I will probably never have their approval.
Each person is different. But I do believe that most alcoholics use alcohol to escape from some very personal, deep rooted fears.

gaffo

After over a year of not drinking I feel great all the time. Quitting was hard at times for a while but now I'm cruising.

I drank because I am an alcoholic and I've known it since I was a teenager. I have the physiology and emotional stability to drink a lot and not usually show alarming symptoms but really that just makes it worse. I drank for any reason, mostly just because I was awake. It got to the point where I felt drunk, half drunk, or hungover all the time. I felt so stupid.

To answer your question, I felt like an addict who needed a fix when I wasn't drinking. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. Anytime I drank for some reason beyond addiction maintenance I would overdo it.