deeker

Hi Friends deek alkie,

God has forgiven me for my past and I also have 2 people in my life who forgave me. I also have forgiven those who have hurt me.....

When my hubby and son forgave me they did not change the past but they sure did change the future not only for me but for themselves.They realized that, that unforgiveness was a cancer eating at their souls........

I believe forgiveness is a virtue of the brave........
Continually saying I am sorry and then repeating the same behaviour really wore my loved ones out. How many times have they heard my empty promises?........

When I got sober I thought, Look at me! I wanted a pat on the back and to be told "Oh deeker we are so proud of you" and all is forgiven.....

When it didn't happen that way I would get angry because my expectations were not met. I'd say say heck with it, if this is what I get by being sober I may as well drink.......

I expected my son to get over the things I did when drunk. I expected affection from my hubby and when I didn't get it, I became indignant.Threw myself a pity party and started putting conditions on my sobriety.....

Saying well if things don't get better around here in 1 month I may as well drink. Or what's the use anyways. This was my experience the first time I found this program , it may not be yours....


I drank again when all those high expectations were not met. I expected instant forgiveness. Only to add more crap to my 4th step. My sponsor constantly reminds me, deeker try not to add to your story in the 4th step......

Some of our loved ones may never come to forgive us. But it is very important that we forgive ourselves and realize that we have an illness.......

We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well. We will be defeated once again if we say well they don't forgive me so heck with it I will get drunk.....

For me I have found that saying I am sorry was not cutting it anymore that they need to see change. Consistent change.....

Not one week going to meetings and the next being in a slump. One week being responsible and changing and the next back to my old ways....

It has been a sometimes painful journey of ego deflation and sometimes I wanna just give up but I need to move forward for them for me........

I will never be done on this journey of spiritual growth. Which is sometimes slower than I like........

As for my hubby and son and friends and family members,I am patient with them for they went through years of feeling powerless and helpless over my acoholism........

I understand it may take a long time for some to forgive. But they are happy that I am staying sober today. They treat me better than I deserve and for that I am grateful. They are kind to me...


But I have to take care of myself , meaning I have to go to meetings and I have to use my sponsor and I have to change and that will happen through the steps i am told...

It is the biggest amends I can make.......

My family saw that I finally accepted that I was defeated and now because I am doing the next right thing, they have noticed a change in me. They have seen what God and this program can do in a person's life......

My son and hubby and parents never throw the past in my face. For that I am grateful. I am not sure I would be able to do that if they were the alkies

My son says "Mom I don't know what you are doing but please don't stop, I love being a witness to it. I love you Mom."........

I had left them for another man when I was 43 yr old. Truly broke their hearts. I never wanna bring that much pain on another person as long as I live.........

My family understands that my program comes before anything because without it they lose me, and I lose them and myself........

I also pray for those whom I don't always see eye to eye with. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you........

I believe the practice of forgiveness is one of the greatest things we can do for the good of this world.

My desire today is to be a forgiving, non- judgemental person. To live and let live. I let God be the judge. I have not walked in someone elses shoes. I don't know the kind of pain they may have endured.......

If my hubby and son could forgive me of infidelity and poor mothering, then I should be able to forgive others for the little inconveniences of life. No one has hurt me as bad as I hurt my family........

There is personal freedom in forgiveness both given and received. Thanks

Jeni26

That is an awesome post. Thankyou so much for sharing x

hypochondriac

Wow, great post Deeker x

Sapling

Beautiful.