Dear community, i need help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Dear community, i need help!
I'm on day 6 of sobriety after almost 6 years of non-stop drinking, and i did pretty well, at least until now.
I live in an apartment with a friend, and he doesn't know about me trying to get sober. He saw me lots of times drunk in the house, but he didn't realised it was a problem. These days i avoided alcohol and didn't crave too much for it. Also i had a mild withdrawal.
Now to the problem. It's evening now, and he's out. He called me and told me to go in his room, where he has a 2 liter bottle of beer, opened. He told me to taste it to see if it is still good, because he didn't want to buy another one.
I didn't do it, i just smelled it and told him it was ok and put it in the fridge.
But that smell... It's like it impregnated my brain. I feel like i'm loosing my mind, knowing that beer is 7 meters away from me, in the fridge.
It's like living with a bomb near me. I started to be agitated, irascible, my heart-rate intensiffied. I rarely had panic attacks, but now i feel one very very close!!
I live in an apartment with a friend, and he doesn't know about me trying to get sober. He saw me lots of times drunk in the house, but he didn't realised it was a problem. These days i avoided alcohol and didn't crave too much for it. Also i had a mild withdrawal.
Now to the problem. It's evening now, and he's out. He called me and told me to go in his room, where he has a 2 liter bottle of beer, opened. He told me to taste it to see if it is still good, because he didn't want to buy another one.
I didn't do it, i just smelled it and told him it was ok and put it in the fridge.
But that smell... It's like it impregnated my brain. I feel like i'm loosing my mind, knowing that beer is 7 meters away from me, in the fridge.
It's like living with a bomb near me. I started to be agitated, irascible, my heart-rate intensiffied. I rarely had panic attacks, but now i feel one very very close!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I would have told him "yeah, it's fine" because to anyone who's drinking, I don't think they really give a sh*t what it tastes like.
Yeah, go eat, go for a walk, take a drive to go for a walk to get some food, and then go home and get some rest.
Do something, but get out of your obsessive head!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
Yeah, go eat, go for a walk, take a drive to go for a walk to get some food, and then go home and get some rest.
Do something, but get out of your obsessive head!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 62
Disclaimer: I am new sober.
You need to tell him that you are off the booze. I have a drinking buddy across the street... we can see in each others windows... so its like having him as a roommate.
When I get sober I always tell him something like... "After the other night ...I'm staying off the beer for a while" He usually doesnt question it. He does avoid me and doesnt have as much contact with me like he does when we are drinking.... which is fine but weird (part of recovery)
I dont know what your living situation is. My home is not booze toxic with the exception of him living across the street. You may want to consider a change...
But in the meantime just tell him you need a break....... and if you go to AA get yourself to a meeting ASAP!
Stay Sober!
Gall
You need to tell him that you are off the booze. I have a drinking buddy across the street... we can see in each others windows... so its like having him as a roommate.
When I get sober I always tell him something like... "After the other night ...I'm staying off the beer for a while" He usually doesnt question it. He does avoid me and doesnt have as much contact with me like he does when we are drinking.... which is fine but weird (part of recovery)
I dont know what your living situation is. My home is not booze toxic with the exception of him living across the street. You may want to consider a change...
But in the meantime just tell him you need a break....... and if you go to AA get yourself to a meeting ASAP!
Stay Sober!
Gall
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
well, your roomie is a trigger for you. I'd tell him you're wanting to stop drinking. If, he's your friend, he'll be supportive if not, you need a different roomate. Stopping drinking is very hard even with a lot of support, damn near impossible with people encouraging you to drink
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Thank you all! My mind is so fogged right now that i never thought that could actually be an option.
I hope that when i come back that bottle will be empty. He doesn't even drink normally, i don't know why does he want to drink today. Usually the only booze in this house was mine, that's why i freaked out! Because i KNEW i threw it ALL!!
I gotta run, i'm loosing my mind here! Thanks again, to everyone!!!
I hope that when i come back that bottle will be empty. He doesn't even drink normally, i don't know why does he want to drink today. Usually the only booze in this house was mine, that's why i freaked out! Because i KNEW i threw it ALL!!
I gotta run, i'm loosing my mind here! Thanks again, to everyone!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Hi weirdesttoner. I agree, you need to tell him what's going on with you. Most of us can't be around it, especially when we're newly sober. This will be an ongoing problem if you don't talk to him about it.
Congratulations on your 6 days. You worked so hard for that, please be careful. Glad you came here to talk about it.
Congratulations on your 6 days. You worked so hard for that, please be careful. Glad you came here to talk about it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 62
Well then this is easy, because if he isnt a problem drinker, most likely he will be very understanding when you tell him you are off the booze.....
Since I am only at day 6, I'm in the process of recognizing triggers and dealing with them.
Good for you!
Since I am only at day 6, I'm in the process of recognizing triggers and dealing with them.
Good for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Well, that was a close one! 
I got out, called a cab, and when i opened the door, i looked at the driver and i sad, no, thanks, i'll walk, it's nice outside. He looked at me as you look at a madman, because outside are -10degrees C. After that i got attacked by a dog without a leash. No fear, but no reaction at all. I freaked out, because if i don't know what i'm doing, i could easily end up in a pub with a glass in front of me. So i began to think about all this. Afterall, this is only a small fight. If i loose a small fight like this, how can i win the war?
I arrived at a drugstore, brought a melatonin pack, and on my way home i got an idea.
I entered in a pub near my apartment and ordered nothing. I just looked at the people inside, drinking, yelling at each other, spilling drinks, and i asked myself: do i want to go back and became something like this?
And my reckless mind decided it doesn't want me to become something like that. I was back in my fortress of power. I could came home with no fear.
That beer might be in the fridge, i don't care anymore. And yes, tomorow i will have a few words with him about alcohol in this house, but since he isn't drinking regularily, it will not be a problem.
Thank you all, without your help, that bottle might be empty by now!
I got out, called a cab, and when i opened the door, i looked at the driver and i sad, no, thanks, i'll walk, it's nice outside. He looked at me as you look at a madman, because outside are -10degrees C. After that i got attacked by a dog without a leash. No fear, but no reaction at all. I freaked out, because if i don't know what i'm doing, i could easily end up in a pub with a glass in front of me. So i began to think about all this. Afterall, this is only a small fight. If i loose a small fight like this, how can i win the war?
I arrived at a drugstore, brought a melatonin pack, and on my way home i got an idea.
I entered in a pub near my apartment and ordered nothing. I just looked at the people inside, drinking, yelling at each other, spilling drinks, and i asked myself: do i want to go back and became something like this?
And my reckless mind decided it doesn't want me to become something like that. I was back in my fortress of power. I could came home with no fear.
That beer might be in the fridge, i don't care anymore. And yes, tomorow i will have a few words with him about alcohol in this house, but since he isn't drinking regularily, it will not be a problem.
Thank you all, without your help, that bottle might be empty by now!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Wow! That was fabulous, weirdesttoner. You are discovering on your own some very powerful tools that people have been using since forever, and they work, too.
There is a tool described in the AVRT collection called 'Shifting'. When you are faced with a situation as you were, in that bar, you can easily separate the drinking thoughts from the sober ones. You looked at the mess in progress inside, and recognized it for what it is - a bunch of addicts that are stuck there, and at 2 in the afternoon, too. You separated that misery from who you are and what you are going to achieve.
The other tool is self empowerment. You know you are strong enough, smart enough, aware enough to get sober and stay that way. You know you can do this, and because you know this, you are absolutely right.
Well done.
There is a tool described in the AVRT collection called 'Shifting'. When you are faced with a situation as you were, in that bar, you can easily separate the drinking thoughts from the sober ones. You looked at the mess in progress inside, and recognized it for what it is - a bunch of addicts that are stuck there, and at 2 in the afternoon, too. You separated that misery from who you are and what you are going to achieve.
The other tool is self empowerment. You know you are strong enough, smart enough, aware enough to get sober and stay that way. You know you can do this, and because you know this, you are absolutely right.
Well done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Thank you freshstart57, i always had to shock my mind when tough decisions should been made. I mean, how do you deal with one that in the first night it is convinced for sobriety, and in the next day forgets almost everything, any promises it made 24 hours ago. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but that is how i felt the last 6 days, a continuous battle with my own mind.
Could you tell me where can i find more info about AVRT? Thanks
Could you tell me where can i find more info about AVRT? Thanks
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Weirdesttoner, you can use the web to go right to the source, Rational Recovery and AVRT. Google will find those for you easily.
The way you have phrased your understanding of your addiction, about a continuous battle with your own mind, makes me think that AVRT could make a lot of sense for you. AVRT is about learning how to separate yourself from that drive we have to use and drink, and it starts by recognizing that there is an internal struggle going on within. We want to kick it and quit, but we end up acting on our urges to use and fears about getting and staying sober.
There is a really good resource right here at SR for AVRT in the Secular Connections forum. You will see threads about things like AV, AVRT or Big Plans, The Beast, and there is a thread with over 2000 posts called The AVRT Discussion Thread.
I made a post quite a few months ago when I wanted to explain my take on AVRT to a friend who was a heavy opiate user and alcoholic (she has since taken control herself with 100% success). Take a look at AVRT Explained and let me know what you think!
The ideas that make up AVRT have been around forever for a very good reason. Please post on the Secular Connections forum, or here on the Newcomers', or send me a pm if I can help.
The way you have phrased your understanding of your addiction, about a continuous battle with your own mind, makes me think that AVRT could make a lot of sense for you. AVRT is about learning how to separate yourself from that drive we have to use and drink, and it starts by recognizing that there is an internal struggle going on within. We want to kick it and quit, but we end up acting on our urges to use and fears about getting and staying sober.
There is a really good resource right here at SR for AVRT in the Secular Connections forum. You will see threads about things like AV, AVRT or Big Plans, The Beast, and there is a thread with over 2000 posts called The AVRT Discussion Thread.
I made a post quite a few months ago when I wanted to explain my take on AVRT to a friend who was a heavy opiate user and alcoholic (she has since taken control herself with 100% success). Take a look at AVRT Explained and let me know what you think!
The ideas that make up AVRT have been around forever for a very good reason. Please post on the Secular Connections forum, or here on the Newcomers', or send me a pm if I can help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
a pub near my apartment and ordered nothing.
For me walking into a pub would be a bad idea. Especially if I am only a few days sober. That's like being off heroin for a week and hanging out at a shooting gallery. Risky business. A risk I am not willing to take.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
It was a special situation. It's about a dirt cheap pub i never used to go before, always full of drunks and gambling addicts. Even in my drunky years i always avoided it, it made me sick. That's the feeling i was counting on, when i decided to go there.
On the other hand, you are absolutely right, i think i will stay away from places i used to go at least 3 months. The diffuse light filtered trough various bottles always made me not be able to control myself. Not once i ordered some blue hard drink just because i liked the colour and the bottle. And i basically drank only beer.
On the other hand, you are absolutely right, i think i will stay away from places i used to go at least 3 months. The diffuse light filtered trough various bottles always made me not be able to control myself. Not once i ordered some blue hard drink just because i liked the colour and the bottle. And i basically drank only beer.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Looks like i'm weak again! 
I'm on day 10, and i've been pretty well until now.
I had a pretty mild withdrawal, i recovered very well with my sleep, i started to like the sober life, to not think about alcohol in the evening. I started to like the feel i have in the gym since i don't drink and how strong i feel.
But I had a really horrible day, one of those i normally have 2 or 3 per year.
To complete that, i weren't to gym today. That keeped me motivated.
It's evening now, and i can't control my urge to drink something. I really want one, and tomorrow act like it never happened, and continue my sobriety. Something like 10 days and one.... Since i had a light withdrawal, maybe my body will not notice the small drink...
I feel miserable for this thoughts...
I'm on day 10, and i've been pretty well until now.
I had a pretty mild withdrawal, i recovered very well with my sleep, i started to like the sober life, to not think about alcohol in the evening. I started to like the feel i have in the gym since i don't drink and how strong i feel.
But I had a really horrible day, one of those i normally have 2 or 3 per year.
To complete that, i weren't to gym today. That keeped me motivated.
It's evening now, and i can't control my urge to drink something. I really want one, and tomorrow act like it never happened, and continue my sobriety. Something like 10 days and one.... Since i had a light withdrawal, maybe my body will not notice the small drink...
I feel miserable for this thoughts...
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