Day 4 and I hate asking for help for anything
 

Hi all, with the support of my husband I've decided I'm not doing a very good job at 'controlling' my drinking and must stop this insanity before I do some harm to myself, my family or someone else.

I'm a college graduate, I hold a well paying full time job and have 2 great girls (ages 5 and 12) and a husband. I've always been a hard worker and very independent. It's a challenge for me to ask even my family for help around the house. My husband's work hours doesn't allow him to get home from work until 9pm so I've relied on wine to get me through the end of work till the kids go to bed. I feel horrible that I can't enjoy my kids without alcohol. My 12 year old is realizing when 'mommy has had a couple of drinks'. My husband doesn't appreciate coming home to me being buzzed caring for the kids and bombed by the time I go to bed. I don't drink every day, but when I do, I can't just have 1 or 2 like I used to. Now it has to be 4 or 5 for me to feel satisfied. I definitely see a progression in my drinking and have hidden or covered it up at times.

I'm on my 4th day without a drink. I didn't suffer any physical withdrawals but can definitely feel an emotional void like "what do I do with myself now?". I play with the kids, take them out, watch tv with them but in the back of my head I'm thinking 'how do I do this and enjoy myself without wine?'. Like I said I feel horrible feeling this way. I wish I could just enjoy them without needing to make myself happy in some other way.

I've been to and still visit SMART. I'm seeing a therapist. I've been to one AA meeting last year. My brother is a chronic relapser from AA for the past 20 years. He's turned me off of that option with his preaching and failing cycle.

I'm challenging myself to keep this up and find the happiness without the booze through this site and SMART and therapy. I'm not sure how long, but for now I'm not drinking.

welcome to SR. It takes a while to get used to not drinking but before you know it it will feel more normal. It just takes time,try and change your routine when the children are in bed to take your mind off drinking and stick around SR

:welcome Congrats on your wise decision to stop drinking.:)

Welcome Lisbeth :)
I hated to ask for help too - but I needed it.

You'll find a lot of support here - we're all just ordinary folks :)

I found the more things I faced sober the better I felt about myself and the less that void gnawed at me.

Having support like SR, SMART and counselling really helps too :)

good to have you here :)
D

I totally relate, and I can see why you'd avoid AA with your brother being a chronic relapser and the preaching, I have a step brother like that, and I avoid him at all costs. Thank God he lives over 3,000 miles away, but he still uses...

I think going to therapy will be helpful. I hope you found one who's a good fit for you. I am currently going through what you're going through after being sober almost five years, but it got to the point where I just felt like "where's the fun?" and I work full time and I'm also in college with a 12 year old son, so I get it, I totally get it.

Welcome to this site, it will help you a lot when you need support. My best to you! :)

Hi Lisbeth. I'm glad you're realizing things needs to change. I wish I had, before my life became a nightmare.

I once drank like you - just to relieve stress & monotony. (Yes, I agree caring for our children shouldn't be stressful, but I felt the same.) In the end I was completely dependent on it - and drank all day. This will never happen to you. I hope you'll find it helps to be here. We all understand the feelings you're having.